Keeping in contact with exes family/friends

[JerseyBoy423]

So me and my boyfriend broke up about a month and a half ago. Long story short, he has issues and hurt me (not physically, but emotionally). I walked away from him. I was putting 130% into the relationship and he was putting in about 10%. I ignored all the red flags (I know, dumb of me!) because I really cared about him. Over the time in which we dated, I became very close with his family. His family LOVES me and I love them too. Not just his mom and sisters but his cousins and friends as well. They all have contacted me saying how I was such a great guy to him and that he's an idiot for hurting me/letting me walk away. They all have said to me they miss me being around and that I deserve soo much better. It's all very flattering to say the least. They all have asked me to hang out with them (which at first I declined but then they all started giving me a guilt trip and mentioning that my relationship with him was my relationship with him and my relationship with them is my relationship with them.) and of course I did. I find it incredibly hard to move on because they keep inviting me places and telling me they miss me. I don't want to be disrespectful to any of them and shut them out because they did absolutely nothing wrong, its all him. He has mentioned he wants to be friends. I told him perhaps in the future we can be but he would have to earn my respect and trust back and prove to me he wants me in his life. He has not made any effort and is basically a d-bag since I feel like he should be kissing my ass after how he hurt me. It's so hard trying to get over him because I'm continually reminded about him from his friends and family but I do not want to be disrespectful and shut them out. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? And how did you handle it?

[Geminize]

That's a tough one, Jersey. My situation is pretty different. After 20 years together with my wife and an unwanted divorce, I'm still happy to spend time with (most of) her family. As I told her father, I didn't divorce him or anyone else in the family. We have our own relationships independent of her.

If you don't want to keep friendships going with them, you don't owe them anything. Don't buy into their guilt trip if that's the only reason for you to continue. If you need some distance for your own emotional healing, I think you can tell them that respectfully.

[Dreamer]

I find it incredibly hard to move on because they keep inviting me places and telling me they miss me......

......It's so hard trying to get over him because I'm continually reminded about him from his friends and family but I do not want to be disrespectful and shut them out.

You need to articulate
what you've posted on this thread,
and tell them, the next time you have the chance.


If you really do want them to still be past of your life,
and not just because they want it,
you tell them:
"No offense, but I just need some time to myself,
right now, so I can recollect and move on with my life."


Reassure them that it has nothing to do with them personally,
and they should understand.


If you are keeping in touch with them
for the only reason that they have guilt-tripped you into doing so,
and you honestly want nothing to do with them,
so that you can move on with your life,
I highly recommend you cut them off ASAP!


Your mental health hangs in the balance!
You need to breath!


Life too short to be weighed down by what other people want.


Stop being passive, and do what you want.


It does not mean you don't think they're nice people,
or that you are a bad person for wanting to move on
without them in your life.


Some of the best personally utilized advice I'VE EVER BEEN GIVEN was that
[COLOR="Red"]"The great thing about being you is that you get to choose who stays and leaves from your inner circle,
as well as who can and can't come in."[/COLOR]

[JerseyBoy423]

If you really do want them to still be past of your life,
and not just because they want it,
you tell them:
"No offense, but I just need some time to myself,
right now, so I can recollect and move on with my life."

They are great people, and I really DO want them in my life. I eventually would like to be friends with him one day too if we could do that. But You're right. I need to take care of myself right now. And by that I will have to respectfully tell them I need to take some time away. Thanks for the advice!! I Know this is the obvious answer but I'm so blind/confused at the moment with him that I'm not thinking/seeing straight and I need to get myself back on track.