I'm on a long and slow journey toward coming out and one of my biggest concerns is how hard it will be to find a meaningful relationship in the small town where I live. It's a university town with about 40 thousand permanent residents and another 20 thousand at the college, so not tiny, but it's no big city. The nearest large city is about 3 hours away. It just feels like the odds of meeting someone here would be slim to none. And it doesn't help that I'm in my forties, would be leaving a straight marriage and devoting a lot of my free time to my kids. Anyhow, I'd like to hear from others about their successes and/or frustrations in finding love in a small town.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
•
i can never find any guys locally, which is what id like but theres just no one and im tired of long distance things as its nice to be spontanous and not have to plan/plan/plan i,ve never come across anyone from here on dating channels/sites, despite looking, not even to talk too, theres two really obvious gay gays this town, both are singuly not my type, despite one always given me the eye and the other trying it on. but your town sounds lot bigger than mine, do you not try dating sites n stuff
•
Doesnt matter if its a small town or a large city....your odds are the same.
What do you mean by "kids"? Are you a professor or are these your personal children?
Then again, you are in a college area, and have access to a lot of men......Im just saying...
•
Zeus Wrote:And it doesn't help that I'm in my forties, would be leaving a straight marriage and devoting a lot of my free time to my kids. Anyhow, I'd like to hear from others about their successes and/or frustrations in finding love in a small town.
40,000 people? Try 4,500! My little community is definitely a small pond. My recent boyfriend and I were somewhat aware of each other before we actually started chatting on Grindr. That led to a phone call, which led to a few dates, and then things got interesting.  At this point we're friends, no regrets.
I also have 2 kids, older than yours. They met my bf after I came out as bi with them. They live with me part time which makes dating somewhat of a challenge, but they are old enough to take care of themselves if I tell them I'm coming home late (or not at all).
I visit a town similar to yours every once in a while. If I turn on Grindr there I always get hits, including from the uni students. Grindr may not be the best way to find a real date and it's not for everyone, but it can work if you are clear and filter out the guys looking for hookups.
Your issue is whether or not you're leaving that marriage to start on a new part of your life. I hope you don't start dating guys until you take care of that detail. That would only make a challenging situation much more messy for everyone involved.
•
SLOOPY Wrote:you have get on knees and suck some cock to get any where
i can say with absolute certainty that that is not true
•
MisterTinkles Wrote:Doesnt matter if its a small town or a large city....your odds are the same.
What do you mean by "kids"? Are you a professor or are these your personal children?
Then again, you are in a college area, and have access to a lot of men......Im just saying...
"Kids" are my actual 2 children. My point being I'll still be involved in their lives and activities... not sure if that's a turn off to potential dates.
•
Zeus Wrote:I'm on a long and slow journey toward coming out and one of my biggest concerns is how hard it will be to find a meaningful relationship in the small town where I live. It's a university town with about 40 thousand permanent residents and another 20 thousand at the college, so not tiny, but it's no big city. The nearest large city is about 3 hours away. It just feels like the odds of meeting someone here would be slim to none. And it doesn't help that I'm in my forties, would be leaving a straight marriage and devoting a lot of my free time to my kids. Anyhow, I'd like to hear from others about their successes and/or frustrations in finding love in a small town.
I like small towns to be honest, and the population of other gay guys is roughly distributed the same in any population. I grew up in the woods, but I was always fortunate enough to live within a short drive from the city (biggest city in the state, actually, and a pretty gay-friendly city), so I had (and still have) that luxury. I suppose maybe I take it for granted, but I still don't see it being too large of a hurdle for you. If you've been in the closet for this long at this point in your life, had a family and children along with all other general life struggles, I think you can handle it fine.
College towns will tend to have more gay people as well— many of them younger I suppose, but not totally. If you live in a college town, there's gotta be some sort of gay community there, and there are gay people in the town regardless. It's just a matter of finding them. My university has a student body of about 30,000 people, and I'm still looking for a prince, so don't feel like just because you're in a small town doesn't mean it's impossible for you either. Being in a larger populace isn't necessarily going to make it any easier per se, there's just more people around. You never know what's going to happen, you could run into someone at the grocery store. There's also always the internet as a way of connecting with people locally if you're comfortable with that. Do you live in a more conservative or more liberal area?
•
DEICIDE Wrote:TRY TO GET ON KNEES AND SUCK THERE DICK!
Try learning English.
•
Starbelly... it's a pretty liberal town, so I have that going for me. But the smallness of it means everyone knows your business which can be a drag. I've checked out the online dating sites just to see how many potential people are out there (am not planning to date while still married). There's only about 5 or 10 in my age group on the big sites. Goes up to about 20 if I search for younger guys, but most of them want to meet young guys too.
•
Sorry, I think is more difficult or the same difficult to find someone special in a big city. TOO much guys TOO much party, TOO much options... I think that maybe if I was in a small city maybe I would find someone special lol
•
|
