Help, Tired of being alone

[unkown21]

I know that I am technically a male who defines himself as a herself and considers herself a girl. Im just so tired of being alone... I dont know what it is like to love someone else, to feel connected to anyone else and it is taking its toll on me. All my friends and roommates get to go to bed at night and hold their loved ones, but i just have to go to bed by myself and feel so empty. I have tried online dating, and maybe its just that I dont know how to talk to anyone on an intimate level (im not a virgin, everyone ive been with has left as soon as they were done sexually), I just feel ugly and gross. (I am a little out of shape and overweight, and i just feel like no one would ever be interested in me. I do apologize for being a little emotional, ive been drunk and drinking by myself since 2pm today and im obliterated right now. I just feel like I am going to go the rest of my life by myself and everyday I move on to, takes a toll on me. I hate being alone. i get drunk a lot becuase i feel like it lets me open my defensive gates better. When im sober i hide myself and tell everyone im okay, but when im drunk (and usually alone) my emotions surface and I am able to send them accordingly without pretending something isnt wrong....


To whoever can help (ladies or gentlemen, thank you in advance)
sorry for the rant. Love you all

Huggs

[Miles]

You're not alone. I've never known what it feels like to love someone, never had someone on other side of the bed, don't know how to connect, can't imagine how I could be with someone, can't imagine how someone could ever want to be with me, and wonder if any of this will change. I'm not good at advice - most of the time I have no idea what I'm talking about, and am terrible at taking my own advice when I have the wherewithal to give it. But I think you and I both know that the first step, as tough as it may seem, in whatever plan you might have for getting out of this rut, is to put down the bottle. Because it never really reaches the bottom. It just keeps filling back up.

I wish I could be of real help. Only good vibes your way

[MisterTinkles]

I know that I am technically a male who defines himself as a herself and considers herself a girl. Im just so tired of being alone... I dont know what it is like to love someone else, to feel connected to anyone else and it is taking its toll on me. All my friends and roommates get to go to bed at night and hold their loved ones, but i just have to go to bed by myself and feel so empty. I have tried online dating, and maybe its just that I dont know how to talk to anyone on an intimate level (im not a virgin, everyone ive been with has left as soon as they were done sexually), I just feel ugly and gross. (I am a little out of shape and overweight, and i just feel like no one would ever be interested in me. I do apologize for being a little emotional, ive been drunk and drinking by myself since 2pm today and im obliterated right now. I just feel like I am going to go the rest of my life by myself and everyday I move on to, takes a toll on me. I hate being alone. i get drunk a lot becuase i feel like it lets me open my defensive gates better. When im sober i hide myself and tell everyone im okay, but when im drunk (and usually alone) my emotions surface and I am able to send them accordingly without pretending something isnt wrong....


To whoever can help (ladies or gentlemen, thank you in advance)
sorry for the rant. Love you all

Huggs

Welcome to the club. There are millions of us.

But what do you do to counteract this? Are you in school? If so, do you interact with people?

Are you in any clubs or social groups, such as a book club, poetry group, or volunteer of some kind?

You have to get out there and "mingle" with humans in order to find one. No, even those of us who have "mingled" still cant find someone, but at least we end up with some pretty awesome friends!!! And sometimes friends keep you from going insane.

So you're "girly".....lots of guys like that. Lots of girly guys want other girly guys....nothing wrong with that. Although I like hairy guys who look like lumberjacks, I have seen a couple of girly guys in my life that were so artistically beautiful, I would have loved to have dated them.


Two suggestions--

Be open to meeting all sorts of people.

Dont stagnate yourself into just expecting one type of guy to be interested in you. Nobody is perfect, but the perfect guy for you may be someone you would never expect.

[unkown21]

Thank you all. I am not in school I work my dream job of being on a full time ambulance crew. I am able to socialize with people pretty easily, but i just feel like nobody would ever find me attractive. I have friends that are accepting of me being trans, but I feel like I'm alone on connecting with someone on an emotional level. I'm not interested in a girly kind of guy. I want a man, and a man who feels manly, i guess I just lack the confidence i myself

[James]

Your 22 years old, sometimes it takes a little longer than that sad to say, my first "good" relationships were in my late 20's to early 30's. Give it time, love yourself. Believe that there is someone out there for all of us, Jim

[MisterTinkles]

Your 22 years old, sometimes it takes a little longer than that sad to say, my first "good" relationships were in my late 20's to early 30's. Give it time, love yourself. Believe that there is someone out there for all of us, Jim

Thanks for pointing that out...I did not realize she was so young.

No one was ever interested in me until I was 29. Then all of a sudden, for a two year stretch, it was like I was "flavor of the month".

Been kind of dry run since, but hey....thats my choice.

[Geminize]

Hang in there Unknown. Remember your thoughts are just your thoughts. They can be pretty damn convincing, but that doesn't make them true.

I know it doesn't mean much to hear "you're young, be patient." Just know that many of us here were late bloomers in love, sex, and relationships. I wondered about living a lonely life sometimes when I was your age. My first relationships weren't until my mid 20's.

You said you have your dream job, but have you ever thought of getting out of Kansas? Not the most progressive state. A move like that is a big change, but may be just what you need. That's for you to figure out. In any case be more social, try to stop drinking alone, and you never know what might happen!

[southbiochem]

I know that I am technically a male who defines himself as a herself and considers herself a girl. Im just so tired of being alone... I dont know what it is like to love someone else, to feel connected to anyone else and it is taking its toll on me. All my friends and roommates get to go to bed at night and hold their loved ones, but i just have to go to bed by myself and feel so empty. I have tried online dating, and maybe its just that I dont know how to talk to anyone on an intimate level (im not a virgin, everyone ive been with has left as soon as they were done sexually), I just feel ugly and gross. (I am a little out of shape and overweight, and i just feel like no one would ever be interested in me. I do apologize for being a little emotional, ive been drunk and drinking by myself since 2pm today and im obliterated right now. I just feel like I am going to go the rest of my life by myself and everyday I move on to, takes a toll on me. I hate being alone. i get drunk a lot becuase i feel like it lets me open my defensive gates better. When im sober i hide myself and tell everyone im okay, but when im drunk (and usually alone) my emotions surface and I am able to send them accordingly without pretending something isnt wrong....


To whoever can help (ladies or gentlemen, thank you in advance)
sorry for the rant. Love you all

Huggs

You're not alone. I for one relate to everything you just said. I get that recurring thought "no one will be interested in me" (well, being in the closet doesn't help my case, but still)

That horrible constant feeling of loneliness, no one to share things but the wall, watching others pass from one love interest to the next so mindlessly...it does take a toll...it slowly drains your will to do things...it's exhausting.

Nevertheless, someone out there is waiting for you to pop into his life...I can't help you on how the hell to get out there and go find him, but I will tell you this...patience....live your day to day life...eventually you'll meet who you're supposed to...

In the meantime...feel free to vent here...you'll find some good internet-shoulders to cry on.

And, the obvious part, drinking will not make you feel any better...I know, I've had that same dealings with anti-depressives...you can numb yourself momentarily, but the problems don't go away.

[starbelly]

You're not alone. I for one relate to everything you just said. I get that recurring thought "no one will be interested in me" (we'll being in the closet doesn't help my case, but still)

That horrible constant feeling of loneliness, no one to share things but the wall, watching others pass from one love interest to the next so mindlessly...it does take a toll...it slowly drains your will to do things...it's exhausting.

Nevertheless, someone out there is waiting for you to pop into his life...I can't help you on how the hell to get out there and go find him, but I will tell you this...patience....live your day to day life...eventually you'll meet who you're supposed to...

In the meantime...feel free to vent here...you'll find some good internet-shoulders to cry on.

And, the obvious part, drinking will not make you feel any better...I know, I've had that same dealings with anti-depressives...you can numb yourself momentarily, but the problems don't go away.

Welcome to my life, guys. I relate to a lot of what you've said. I ranted about this on here when I first signed up, and was told that nobody would listen to my baggage or really care, but I think it's fine to scream at the world every once in awhile. We've got the cards stacked against us, some more than others, and I long for intimacy with someone too— like, legitimate, romantic intimacy— the only thing that helps me deal with it is distracting myself in any way that I can (immersing myself in projects, reading, writing, watching movies, playing music, etc.), and hoping I'll run across someone one of these days. I live in a pretty "gay" city and go to school downtown, so I'm on the market in that sense (in other words, I don't hole up in my house and never leave— I interact with people). I'm naturally a bit of a loner though and treasure my alone time, which makes it a bit more of a challenge.

[southbiochem]

I ranted about this on here when I first signed up, and was told that nobody would listen to my baggage or really care, but I think it's fine to scream at the world every once in awhile.

Whoever told you that probably was having a bad day...maybe it's a bit overwhelming for people to read so many issues from so many people, but still, a lot of these folks here are really good listeners (if that's the proper word to be used internet-wise)

I don't mind the ranting from anyone (I do that a lot myself) Fell free to rant to me If you like

The only thing that helps me deal with it is distracting myself in any way that I can (immersing myself in projects, reading, writing, watching movies, playing music, etc.), and hoping I'll run across someone one of these days.

I do just that with work