Just a quick summary of who I am so this will make sense.
I'm 17 (almost 18 in a few months)
I'm gay
I'm an atheist
My grandmother is a right wing fundamentalist christian.
She had posted a video on my wall on facebook, and told me to watch it. I watched it, It was a preacher trying to "disprove" evolution. I took the video off my wall and rolled my eyes to find her to post it as a status and tag me. I went through the video and refuted the points made... I got really irritated at this point to hear her call me saying "Armando you're going to hell, you need to change your sinful ways!" after multiple attempts of trying to say "Look, we disagree on religion and politics but I'm able to look past that because you're my family member, I'm not going to change." she replied saying "I'm not going to stop trying to save your soul" and continued to harass me on my atheism and being gay. I asked her to stop the conversation and I got off the phone to find more text messages and posts on facebook about how I'm going to hell. -_-
It's calmed down, but I've gotten to the point mentally where I don't want to maintain a relationship (regardless of it being a family member) with someone who isn't going to accept me for who I am... I'm just wondering if anyone here has dealt with this situation? and if so what did you do? Thanks.
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My mom always tells me how I am on my way to hell. The thing is I still beleive in God and am religous. I just believe that God loves us all no matter what. No one has the right to judge us but God.
It is not our place to say who is going to hell and it is very wrong. I just ignore it. I still have a relationship with my parents but it is very hard because they contsantly want to start fights with me.
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Would it be possible to simply pretend (aka "humoring her") to be a born again and straight? If you don't live in the same town then it seems easy enough to do, especially as she'd WANT to believe the lie and might actually overlook any discrepancies as long as they weren't blatant (and that would also mean being careful of what you post on FB since she goes there).
If not then perhaps the only thing to do is block her. In any case you are not going to reason your way out of this.
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Family isnt who you are born too, its the people who YOU make family.
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Any family member who berates you and reminds you all the time of how you're hell-bound isn't much of family in my opinion. Family is supposed to stick by you, even if there's disagreements or discord. For me, personally, I would cut ties with any one of my family members in an instant if they treated me like that. I don't care if it was my own mother. Harsh, maybe, but you don't deserve to be treated like that, especially since they're your own blood.
They have to learn to keep boundaries and respect the fact that you have a different view on life than they do, and sometimes cutting off all contact with them is the only way to get them to take a step back and lay off. It's your life, not theirs, and they don't have a right to tell you any of that. You aren't doing anything wrong to them or anyone else.
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First things first....block her...now..
Secondly.. "right wing fundamentalist christian" probably the worst type of person to try to reason with. It's just not possible (maybe if you changed "christian" for "muslim" it would be even worse).
I get that in her head you are troubled or sick and she is genuinly trying to help you, so she loves you in her own twisted way. She was probably taught to hate "abnormality" and "atheist heresy" from an early age, so as to even be hostile towards a relative...
But if her way of "helping" is damaging you, you got to take care of yourself and cut off the poison.
I'm not saying hate her guts, but the healthy thing to do is distancing yourself from that...
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I'm with starbelly and southbiocam on this one. I know all about judgmental families. Ultimately you just have to get out there and keep living your life.
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She's your grandmother - a totally different generation with different values.
Yes you have an opinion, how adorable is that? But Granny is your elder and you need to mind your p's and q's. That is how she was raised to believe and she is expecting mandatory respect from you.
So stop talking back at her and say 'Yes 'Mam, Thank-you 'mam'.
Keep your opinion to yourself. She is not going to change her mind - she is old. Us old people are firmly set... like concrete....
Back in my day we kids never talked back at our elders. We sat their quietly and took their brand of Bull-shit in silence and thanked them for it. Sure we went a head and did exactly what we wanted to do, but we pretended (at the very least) to respect our elders.
That is all she really wants... Oh and she seriously is afraid for your eternal soul. If she didn't care she wouldn't preach at you. She cares and she loves you, in her way. Be thankful you got that.
And you will outlive her.... trust me, the day will come when you will look back on these 'exchanges' and you will wish you had said something different, or accepted her with a bit more grace.
Do a little mind role play in your head, pretend Granny died last night - now think of all the things you really wanted to say to her but now can't because she died.
Trust me, if you really seriously think about this, you will find there are ways to make peace or keep peace and have some good time with her.
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