Just my luck....

[TonyAndonuts]

So, since I'm so socially awkward but much more comfortable behind a computer, I decided to try out online dating. But I'm either too picky or just having terrible luck finding the right kind of girl to even send a message to. I'm using OKCupid and they pick out matches for you that have good match and friend percentages and low enemy percentages. So I check some of their suggestions out and, even though the girl seems nice, there's always SOMETHING that just worries me and keeps me from messaging them.

Here are a few examples: 1. One girl is very pretty, she loves video games like me, she's okay with quiet people like me with little experience, and she's not a smoker or drinker at all. However, she refuses to date anyone outside her race. She's hispanic and I'm black so.....damn.
2. Very similar to what I mentioned before only she isn't picky on the race of her partner. However, she says that she doesn't want any kids, not now or later. That's kind of a problem because I do want to have children at some point in my life...
3. This girl isn't big on video games, but she says she's willing to try a lot of new things and she's kind of a geek when it comes to TV shows and the fandoms, which is cool. Buuuut, it turns out she's a hardcore Christian, thinks homosexuality is a sin and that gay people shouldn't be allowed to raise a child. That's an instant NOPE for me.
4. Then there are these two girls that actually messaged me, but I honestly don't know why. According to the percentages, we're not good matches, and after checking their profiles, the percentages are right. One is not into video games at all, doesn't get along with shy or quiet people, isn't interested in someone with no sexual experience, and again, isn't too fond of gay people. Considering I made it very clear that I'm a gamer, reclusive, a little shy, and inexperienced, I don't know why she was interested in me. The other one was similar, only add the fact that she's 45. I'm really not looking to date someone more than twice my age... :/
5. The closest two girls I've come across that seem like great matches are both gamers, both want kids, both okay with whatever race you are, are very accepting of homosexuality, and are fine dating someone quiet and inexperienced, because they are as well. But....one is a communist and the other is really into some kind of witchcraft religion known as Wicca....I'm not joking. Despite this, I sent them both a message. They're the only two. But they haven't responded back even though I know they've viewed it. So I guess they're not into me.

I'm not sure if I'm not trying hard enough, am being too picky, or should try girls outside of my area. I have seen some cool girls in Texas, but that's all the way across the country. I don't have a car and I've never been on a plane by myself.

[TonyAndonuts]

Basically...am I doing anything wrong here?

[megumidesu]

the other is really into some kind of witchcraft religion known as Wicca....I'm not joking.

-sigh- -_____-

[Pix]

1. One girl is very pretty, she loves video games like me, she's okay with quiet people like me with little experience, and she's not a smoker or drinker at all. However, she refuses to date anyone outside her race. She's hispanic and I'm black so.....damn.

I'd discount her, too. She made her boundary, it's her loss. If someone white told me they didn't date outside their race that would actually be a mark against them (I MIGHT give them a chance, but very cautiously, I won't date bigots...though not everyone who refuses to date outside their race is a bigot, there are other possibilities, the problem is the bigots won't actually admit it and may even believe themselves not to be so you can only find out by experience, and racial bigots would not do well in my life). In this case she may not be a bigot but may care very much what her family thinks, and a controlling family (which won't be admitted to upfront most of the time) is another red flag to me, and in the United States hispanic families tend to be anti-gay (for religious reasons) as well.

By the way plenty of women lie to make themselves seem more attractive to men (just as the men do), and claiming (or at least implying) that they're much more interested in games and sports than they are is common. Ironically, a study found that straight women on dating sites (and ONLY on dating sites looking for men) appeared to be more gamers and into sports than lesbians though it surely doesn't appear that way to me so I'd say the straight women are lying (which men say the women do often enough, just as the women say the men do). I believe the term for such people who misrepresent themselves is "catfish."

2. Very similar to what I mentioned before only she isn't picky on the race of her partner. However, she says that she doesn't want any kids, not now or later. That's kind of a problem because I do want to have children at some point in my life...

You're reasonable to exclude her as well. If you give her a chance then either you're willing to change your mind on the matter, or you have no real respect for her. So if you need kids or it's a deal breaker then do a favor to her as well as yourself and look elsewhere.

3. This girl isn't big on video games, but she says she's willing to try a lot of new things and she's kind of a geek when it comes to TV shows and the fandoms, which is cool. Buuuut, it turns out she's a hardcore Christian, thinks homosexuality is a sin and that gay people shouldn't be allowed to raise a child. That's an instant NOPE for me.

Good call, IMO. Let the hardcore Christian males have her.

4. Then there are these two girls that actually messaged me, but I honestly don't know why. According to the percentages, we're not good matches, and after checking their profiles, the percentages are right. One is not into video games at all, doesn't get along with shy or quiet people, isn't interested in someone with no sexual experience, and again, isn't too fond of gay people. Considering I made it very clear that I'm a gamer, reclusive, a little shy, and inexperienced, I don't know why she was interested in me. The other one was similar, only add the fact that she's 45. I'm really not looking to date someone more than twice my age... :/

Sounds like they're bored, or worse, a ditz who can't be bothered to READ. Also, if you're big on having kids then someone 45 does seem old for you, at least if you want to be the biological father.

5. The closest two girls I've come across that seem like great matches are both gamers, both want kids, both okay with whatever race you are, are very accepting of homosexuality, and are fine dating someone quiet and inexperienced, because they are as well. But....one is a communist and the other is really into some kind of witchcraft religion known as Wicca....I'm not joking. Despite this, I sent them both a message. They're the only two. But they haven't responded back even though I know they've viewed it. So I guess they're not into me.

If they're Americans then Communist probably means socialist (closer to say Sweden and Canada NOT to be confused with communism) as opposed to the authoritarian brands in Eurasia. The fact that the Communist is accepting of homosexuality (which they almost never are where it's the ideology seeing it as a Western perversion and the purpose of sex being to provide more cattle, er people, to the state) also suggests that she's easygoing for a Commie and a liberal free thinker with strong distrust of corporations and special interests (what some call a "small-c Communist") and may ironically be less authoritarian than the US government itself. If she's in her 20s or younger (and being a gamer suggests she is) I'd hold out hope that she outgrew it to become a moderate Leftist with liberal leanings. I'd give her a chance, though I do have a sense of humor that helps me (and if you don't then just nod your head to her ideological rants and not get into it with her).

Naturally this assumes you're not some passionate ideologue yourself, and if you are then this should be a deal breaker after all. She may also insist any potential partner share her ideology (that is parrot her thoughts and aid in political activities like protests and newsletters) which I'd also consider a deal breaker.

As for Wiccans, they're generally cool in my book, too, though they have their bad apples like everyone else. Generally speaking it's a peaceful nature revering religion that believes God/dess is within nature rather than above it, has a golden rule called the Wiccan Rede and Threefold Law (though there are different interpretations of it so some are vegans to "harm none" for example while others see eating meat as helping preserve ecological balance and being part of nature's cycle) and its witchcraft isn't any stranger than a lot of prayer, and probably the most you might have to put up with is a few candle spells, a strange looking homemade altar that she probably keeps hidden most of the time, and possibly meeting with other Wiccans...but many Wiccans actually don't do much of any of this, they just read books on it and think it's cool. In any case, you don't need to worry that she's into killing animals or casting curses and things like that (you're more likely to find Christians who do that).

Naturally this assumes you don't hold all religion and metaphysical beliefs in contempt. If you do then do her a favor as well as yourself and pass her by.

I have seen some cool girls in Texas, but that's all the way across the country. I don't have a car and I've never been on a plane by myself.

You could message them and ask if they'd be interested in meeting, you visiting them or them visiting you. But you need to be clear from the start if you're willing to relocate and/or are you going to insist if they do. Be advised that welfare and the like (such as someone moving there without a job, for example) are much harder to come by than in many other states (and there's less of it).

If you visit you can check out Greyhound and Amtrack, though obviously you'd need to take vacation time or whatever as this mode of transportation is usually time consuming (making detours and stops along the way). I also have very mixed feelings about going Greyhound due to the unsavory elements (and a few really dysfunctional bus drivers) that tend to congregate around their stations (and sometimes use their buses, they typically sit in the back) so if you go by bus I hope you're not naive or you could get into a lot of trouble along the way.

By the way, most women aren't going to be impressed with showing up this way and will want to hear how you'll get a car (or your reasons why you don't want one)...though they may be less shallow than that.

I'm not sure if I'm not trying hard enough, am being too picky, or should try girls outside of my area.

Overall you seem reasonable, though perhaps instead of making snap judgments you could bother to do some research (or better yet, ask!) on what is Wicca and why someone would embrace a Communist ideology. And it's rare that I've heard of a relationship forming online actually working out, though to be fair it's also rare that I've heard of one that started in a bar working out as well.

[TonyAndonuts]

Should I send her another message then or would that seem like I'm trying too hard?