Hi Everyone,
This is an update from my previous thread regarding the same issue.
Okay, so lately I seem to be messing up. Take for example today, bf asks me to peel some potatoes and I questioned why he had such a big pot out and opened a new bag. He thought I was being horrible about this and it escalated into a big argument. This is happening a lot lately over very small, stupid things! The abusive talk comes my way and I resist to throw it back as much as I can (I will/did make one or two remarks). He will then storm off upstairs to which ill follow and apologise and just ask him to look how ridiculous this is.
I then go downstairs to give him space and just break down in tears. 10 mins later, he comes down and tells me to *@ck off out the kitchen. So I do, go upstairs and break down again for a good 10mins. Not once did he come up to see if I was okay, apart from I heard him coming up the stairs, he looked at me and just slammed the bedroom door, went to the loo and then back down.
The basics of this, is I really don't know how much more I can handle. Is he acting like this because of the good aspect and knowing that he will have to bring this up later? Or just over reacting? What ever the reason, it's driving me away. We're due to go on Holiday in 2 weeks time and I feel like I'm just holding on for that as it may do us good. But will it!? This vile words that I get called and the phrases are awful and really get to me.
Has anyone experienced anything like this? Been in either mine or my bfs situation? It's been 3 years now and I don't want to throw it away, I just feel at a lost end with it.
Thank you in advance (and for previous replies),
Adam x
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Obviously he doesn't respect you at all and doesn't care about how you feel. You don't have to handle this and this is not your fault.
I've never experienced situation like this, but in your place I wouldn't waste my time together with such a person.
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I'm currently in the bedroom, he just brought my dinner up and slammed it down. I then get this text:
I'd calmed down fucking ages ago but no! Poor little Adam has to go and sit by himself because you're such a vicim. If only you knew how much of what I say is actually true, you've ruined me. You should be ashamed of yourself. I cooked that dinner and now I don't even want to fucking eat it. Thanks for ruining everything like you always do. Why can't you just go and destroy someone else, you think you're perfect but I want you to be with someone else so you will do the exact same to them and realise that this is actually all down to you.
What am I supposed to reply back with? If I ignore ill get more like this. I feel trapped. I know he is the one with the disorder, but I don't think he realises how much it effects others.
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From what you write about how he behaves it rather seems that he is looking for a way out of the relationship. Thed only way that you can resolve this is by talking. It is pointless hiding yourself away in your room and crying. Approach himn in a calm manner, no hysterics and just start of by saying: "Can we talk?"
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Sometimes we don't realize that by questioning our partners motives every time he does something,,, that it becomes very aggravating to your partner and makes him feel stupid and useless. I am guilty of doing this and have learned to back-off and not question my partner, or disagree with his method of doing things. It makes life a lot more pleasant and less argumentative.
Here are a few things that my husband does that aggravates me, and I just keep quiet and let it slide:
1. He doesn't fold the clothes properly.
2. He sweeps the floor, but doesn't get everything.
3. He gets his smudgy fingerprints on the stainless steel appliances.
4. He leaves the lights on when he leaves a room.
5. He pee's in the backyard at night.
6. His idea of cleaning the kitchen counter-tops is to wipe them with a dirty dish towel.
7. He scares you by the way he drives the car.
8. He spends money like a mad-woman at the grocery store.
ETC................
Let him do things the way he wants to. It may aggravate you to watch him using a larger pot than necessary,,, and opening a new bag of potato's when there is an older bag already opened, but that is just the way he does things.
I would set your partner down and make a pact not to call each other bad names or be-little each other when your angry. There are very few things that are more hurtful than bad-mouthing your partner.
And, for the sake of harmony in your relationship, let him do things his way.
Sincerely,
Jim
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Bad habits are one thing, degrading you verbally is something completely different.
By verbally degrading you, he is showing you he has no respect, feelings, or involvement in your well being or emotional state.
If I were to guess at whats going on, he is doing this on purpose to get you mad enough to leave, so he can blame everything on you. My mother was this type of person, so I have seen this many times, up close and personal.
He's a coward and a fraud. He's looking for a way to make everything YOUR fault, so he can leave.
Dont give him the pleasure. YOU get your affairs in order, find another place to live and get out while he is a work one day, and never look back.
Yes, that will be hard, but its a much better option than keeping this sham going on until your bf finally gets his way.......then you will be a mental wreck by then....so he's won, twice.
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Ugh...risking inexperience since I've never been in such a situation.
I've read this and previous posts about this...as far as I can tell:
He needs help...psychiatric help...now....not only is he damaging himself he's lashing out on you, big time...he's exteriorizing every problem he has and then abusing you!!.....when you have done nothing to deserve it......this has got to stop!!!
Neither of you will end up good if this continues...
I don't know how things work in the UK, but some serious intervention is needed...friends, family, whomever you can get (or if you can) needs to get involved to make him see that he has a self-destructive behaviour and is damaging you in the process..
Given how many years you've been together I can't say leave him or don't leave him..but what is clear to me is that he needs to be treated..
I'm sorry you're in such a crappy situation
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Just think if you wanna fight for him or not... You really still in love or you're just with him because you have been with him all this time... Just think if you really wanna fight your 'us' or not.
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Bulimics are mentally ill and very defensive as they know how ill they are but their illness won't let them handle it on their own, nor accept help. He needs professional help, you are not qualified, and he will keep abusing you until he gets it, and unless he hits rock bottom (as in hospitalized) he's not going to accept that help, and even if he does relapse is common.
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