First time being attracted to a woman?

[dcshoeco66]

I'm a 20 year old female, living in the States. I've never done anything romantic with another person, male or female; I've never even been kissed. Throughout my entire life, I've had crushes on men and have only been attracted to males. That is, up until now.

I've recently returned from a music tour that took us overseas. Within a week into it, I started noticing our accompanist in a different light. She's 35. I've always found her a bit intimidating, but discovered that she isn't too scary after all - she's actually a sweetheart. She has long blonde hair, an amazing body, plays piano and is also a great drummer, sings, does that sexy smoulder face, and is overall beautiful.. I can't get her out of my head.

I realize now that I've never really met anyone like her. I've always completely rejected the idea of being with a woman, but not now. Has she 'turned me somewhat gay'? Is this even possible? At the same time, I find myself still checking out handsome males regularly- on the street, for example.

I have a few potential issues, though. She is quite private about her life, doesn't open up to people often, and is religious (music head of a Lutheran church) as well. I am pretty sure that she is single, but have no way of finding out if she likes men or women. Is this even a real crush? On top of that, I feel like even if she was indeed single and into women, I don't think she'd even go for me since I'm so much younger and probably views me as a child. Just my thoughts.. Any feedback would be appreciated. Thanks : )

[Mattlj92]

Welcome to the site. Do you find other women attractive etc or just her?

[Dreamer]

Welcome to GS!
I hope you stay with us!


To your post.... I would just go with what your heart says.


Don't rush or over-think things
because you'll figure everything out on your own.


Don't dread on labels like gay, straight, etc... just be you!!!


Don't make the age thing an issue either
because you never know,
some people don't take age into consideration.


Don't shy away from her
just because you're not sure about her sexuality
or how devoutly religious she could be.


If you play your cards right,
she could be the best thing that'll ever happen to you!


Relax and take things easy.

[dcshoeco66]

Thanks for all your replies. Nope, I just feel this way for her only. However, after beginning this crush on her, I've started to perhaps welcome the idea of being with both men or women and am not shutting it out as much anymore. The thing is that this just feels like any other previous crush I've had on a man. Wish I knew what to do :/

[hirvi7]

It's not unknown for people who are generally heterosexual to have a same-sex attraction to a particular person and for gay people to be attracted to a certain individual of the opposite sex. Kinsey argues that everyone is somewhere on a spectrum, and there's at least some truth to that. It might not even be a linear spectrum, at that.

Rather than trying to figure out what box you might fit in, focus on seeing if this woman reciprocates your attraction. Compliment her appearance. Maybe ask her out for coffee. Or feel her out by discussing the politics of gay rights with her. I'm certainly no expert on feeling this sort of thing out, but there are probably some good tips around the site for subtly flirting with someone you're not sure of.

In short, you might not have to completely revamp your idea of your sexuality if this turns out to be a one-time crush, particularly if you find out it doesn't go both ways. Pay attention to your own physical and mental reactions, and go from there.

[dcshoeco66]

Got another question... How do I go about starting to talk to someone about this? I don't know how to tell my best friend..

[Drew]

welcome to gayspeak
gay is being able to maintain a relationship better with the same sex, little to do with the stereotypical definitions.

This is why I'm beginning to question my own sexuality - ugh - again. I have no capacity to maintain romantic relationships with other men. Problem is, I'm not sexually attracted to women (not since my early 20s anyways). I'm a lesbian trapped in a gay man's body! :-P

[BorneoJake]

There is no reason to feel ashamed of who you like. I would listen to dreamer though, drop the labels of being gay or straight and just love who you love. This girl you like sounds pretty awesome though! Try to get to know her a little more and see if you like it, if not then you can always move on. Exploring your sexuality doesn't have to be a scary thing. Make it fun, and don't let anyone bring you down

[TimeSage]

It's called being Bisexual. Our modern society seems to try to erase the existence of such things but it's highly likely, were we not have social pressures in our faces at all times, we'd see many many more of them as actually the default state for humans.

Granted that's not to say "Everyone would like both men and women equally" That's just silly. Sure there are some bi people who are that way. But for many people they're "Mostly straight/gay with bi leanings" while being 100% heterosexual or 100% Homosexual are actually rare. Socity however demands we ignore these bi leanings and pick a label. Don't be so quick to jump into the "I'm attracted to a woman, I MUST be lesbian... Right?" label society as a whole says is true. It's not.

You seemed to have simply found the one type of person that triggers those that "bi leaning" area of your brain.

Also, as for talking to someone, there are support groups out there for LGBT And all the grey areas between those letters. Find one in your area and go. (That said personally, I speak with my therapist when need support, as I am seeing him for real reasons, like depression and other mental issues i've had since childhood, and sometimes being gay kinda ties into why I feel like crap. I don't know your mental state but if you see one, they're a good start as well)