When to tell them..... what they already might suspect.

[theDave]

Ive always, and i mean always, put a lot of effort into how society percieves me. I've had girlfriends, 2 fiances, but have always fought my underlying urge toward the same sex. That's pretty much been there since I was like 7 or 8. So I'm definitely starting to realize lately that until I get the balls to be myself, regardless of what people think, I'm going to remain single lol. My biggest fear is that my 2 nephews / lil brothers will totally freak out. I have a cousin who was about 10 yrs older then I, so 28 when I was 18. She started abusing drugs bad and I got emergency custody of her sons, 3 and 5 at the time. So now I've got a 15 and 17 year old that look up to me more then anything in the world... and they presume I'm straight. I know its crazy but I don't want to break their hearts . Its a good thing my love and passion for my cars and bikes keep me busy or I would of went crazy by now lol.

I guess I'm just trying to figure out when the right time is. I'd actually be more comfortable playing bachelor , with some undercover rendezvous here and there , than come out . That's just sad isn't it......

[Geminize]

No one can tell you the best timing for coming out, but I will tell you this -- you AND your nephews will be better off for it. They may be shocked and not know how to respond at first, but if you have been a loving uncle/parent and they look up to you it will all work out.

My kids were the same ages as yours, 17 & 15 (girl & boy), when I told them I had a boyfriend two years after my divorce. They were surprised, but had no trouble adjusting. They saw I was the same father they had always known.

It may break their hearts later in life if they learn you tried to be someone other than your true self for their sake.

[RainbowFiddler]

You should never pretend to be something that you are not...... Be yourself and be honest....
When they are ready to know they will come and ask.... Otherwise there is never a right time to tell them.....
If you have the need "to ease your worries" then find a time when they can pay attention to what you are saying and tell them what you are feeling....., be yourself! and explain to them you feel the nee to be honest and then do so...That the most important, be honest.... It may not be easy and there may be tears or anger... Just remember the love and the intent ...

It always helps to go to neutral ground... Go out to dinner and have a talk...

[SolemnBoy]

"I can't come out as gay because it would hurt people who love me" is a very dangerous way of thinking. I can imagine it's ruined plenty of lives and those who act under this "rule" are more or less bound to live life constantly suppressing their real desires only to die one day, ultimately haven't fulfilled more or less anything because they were too worried about their outward appearance or social status to pursue love.

Children and teenagers tend to be more accepting of gay people compared to older generations so it's possible that your nephews and the kids in your custody simply won't mind at all. If they did feel weird about it, I doubt it's something that would last very long. Finally, and this is the unlikely worst-case scenario, even if they never accept you for being gay you absolutely can't allow that to get in your way. You're not asking them to accept your heroin addiction or your habit of robbing stores during weekends, you're asking them to accept who you are.