How to address this?

[Anonymous]

I'm just looking for some opinions on this thread, sorry if this seems naive.

I recently started dating a very good friend of mine, who actually came out to me a good while ago as Bi-Sexual.

I enjoy listening to him talk about himself, and learning about bisexuality through him talking (I'm completely gay, so it's interesting to be able to ask my boyfriend questions about girls). His bi-sexuality doesn't make me insecure, in fact, it makes me feel more special, that he choose me from an even wider group of people.

However, I've noticed lately that he identifies as gay. When we were just friends, he'd identify as bi, but that's changed lately. He once asked if it was possible that he was gay, and just using the label "bi" to hide from himself. I asked if he had a physical reaction to girls, he said yes, so I said he was bi.

Question: Should I do that? I'm afraid he's trying to be someone he's not to be closer to me, when, in reality, it just makes me happy to see him being happy with who he is. Yet, on the other hand, I know that sometimes when someone is bi, they identify as straight or gay anyway, because that's how they feel. I don't really have any experience with that, and don't want to accidentally make him feel poorly about himself.

I'm simply asking what the best way to support him is while he better understands who he is. I just want him to be happy. Any opinions are very welcome.

[Merc]

I would encourage you to just let him keep figuring that out. I get where you are coming from completely, but I don't believe this is totally in relation to you. I think a good chunk of us struggle when we attempt to slap a self identifying label on ourselves.

[MisterTinkles]

I would just ask him why he does that.

He may not know he does it, or he may just say "bi" when there is a chance of other people hearing him.

Personally I would tell him "dont be 'bi', dont be 'gay', just be YOU".

[LateBloomer]

Society in general loves to label.

But what is the FIXATION with labels that seems to permeate this entire forum?

Is it that our profiles ask us to make the choice to IDENTIFY ourselves?

Maybe some long time members here will remember when I initially joined the board as a single Bi-guy.

Then I fell in love with a gay guy and changed my label here.

Really. Who cares? I used to call myself straight at one point too!

Labels are there for CONVENIENCE--they are not there to hold you prisoner. Just forget about it.

Rant complete.

[Anonymous]

Thank you everyone that responded so far.

I think I'll take your advice, and just re-iterate that I just want him to be genuinely him, and support him in whatever direction he goes in from there, whether that's as simple as my boyfriend, bi, gay, or straight. Although hopefully not the latter, we'd have to go back to being friends again .

Thanks again .