05-19-2008, 02:55 PM
Ive never told anyone about this as my mind had blanked it for a number of years but due to a recent self discovery which im still progressing through it had surfaced what it is was when i was growing up my father was a heavy drug user as in over 7 ounces of cannabis a week aswell as other much harder drugs he had a lot of drug dealers and other very evil people at our house and one day when i was 13 he had anargument with one of them about some deal or something and they then pushed me out of the room and shut the door as they talked not long after he came out and the dealer was with him (sorry finding it hard to write this trying not to visualise it again too much) anyway the man took my arm and dragged me upstairs while my father stood there letting him he took me into my room as he then undressed me and proceed to rape me violently i cant remember it very well thank god but i still feel very ashamed about it i dont think my mum ever found out but even if she did we couldnt do anything as we were well my father ruled over us violently and mentally me my mum and my sisters all suffered severe mental and physical torture but i was the only one who was violated its not fair he allowed that to happen to me i was so scared for my life and he got away with it.
We live away from him now we (my mum and me)((sisters moved out years ago)) left only last year around my 18th birthday i currently suffer from severe clinical depression and i self harm due to my life before i moved i have tried to commit suicide two times and when we lived with him i was nearly killed 5 times by my father we did report all this dont misunderstand me my mum didnt just let it go on with out intervention but the way he twisted words and manipulated people he always seemed to get away with things at a medical review meeting he threatened to kill his social worker with a knife to the throat but all he got was 6 months probation im glad we are away from him now but im now struggling with finally finding myself as i was never allowed to before im finding it very hard to come to terms with being gay i only realised i was recently
Anyway im not sure if i have even posted this in the right place but i thank anyone who has read this.( i needed to get it off my chest once and for all)
We live away from him now we (my mum and me)((sisters moved out years ago)) left only last year around my 18th birthday i currently suffer from severe clinical depression and i self harm due to my life before i moved i have tried to commit suicide two times and when we lived with him i was nearly killed 5 times by my father we did report all this dont misunderstand me my mum didnt just let it go on with out intervention but the way he twisted words and manipulated people he always seemed to get away with things at a medical review meeting he threatened to kill his social worker with a knife to the throat but all he got was 6 months probation im glad we are away from him now but im now struggling with finally finding myself as i was never allowed to before im finding it very hard to come to terms with being gay i only realised i was recently
Anyway im not sure if i have even posted this in the right place but i thank anyone who has read this.( i needed to get it off my chest once and for all)