Guy asked for my number - Never been on a date

[Anonymous]

So yesterday I went to an LGBTQ+ welcome reception on my campus. There were a lot of people there, surprisingly. I spoke with a lot of people very briefly. Today, while walking from classes, someone shouted out my name and it was one of the guys I spoke with. We chatted a little about school and coming out (he came out when he was 14... Jesus). Then he talked about his sociology/sexuality class and for some reason the topic of pick-up lines came up. At point he told me "let's say I just said "Hey, I want to suck you off," that'd be pretty forward, right?"

Then after about ten or fifteen minutes he pulled out a piece of paper and gave me his number. He said he likes to just go the movies or whatever.

Now, this is the first time in my life that I've ever been so clearly... flirted with, I guess? The guy is a bit older than me. He's 33, and I'm... 20 something. He's not the kind of guy I'd be instantly attracted to, but he seems nice, and sane, and that's always a plus, right? The "sucking me off" line kind of took me aback. For some reason, the idea of sex is really frightening, and I always imagined that my first sexual experience would be with someone equally as inexperienced. I don't know, it just seems less scary that way. I get the distinct, not so subtle feeling, that this guy doesn't fit that description. Then again, I may be getting way ahead of myself here, he just gave his number, that's all.

So, in all of your humble opinions, do you think I should call him? Part of me really wants to, but a large part of me is also really intimidated.

Thanks for any potential advice, I'd really appreciate it.

[Anonymous]

Maybe the better question is:

Why do I feel so intimidated, for lack of a better word? I really didn't like the "suck me off" line. It made me feel uncomfortable. But it shouldn't though, right? We're both adults and that's an okay thing to say. But it just felt dirty, which is weird to say. I'm not a prude or anything, but I didn't like it...

It's hard to put into words why.

[John93]

If you're not hugely experienced then it seems quite understandable to me that you would feel uncomfortable with somebody saying that to you, particularly as you don't know them very well. I agree that it seems less scary with somebody equally as experienced as yourself, but in saying that, sex is different for every individual, and so somebody who has lots of experience still has none with you, so in that sense you are in the same boat. It is not worth worrying about, because if they are worth your time, they will not pressure you into anything until you are ready and comfortable, and it will feel right. Being of a similar age I too would feel slightly intimidated if somebody that much older than me was so forward, and regardless of the topic of conversation, I would question why he chose to say that, but it is nice that he gave you his number, and maybe he sensed your discomfort, and this is why he mentioned movies. If you feel ready for a relationship, or what might lie in store, and feel a little attracted to this guy then I would suggest you give it a go, and see what he is like, but don't get involved in anything until you are ready, and if you have doubts, then there is no rush

[Kenny221]

I like how he tried to use humor to break the ice but it totally backfired and made you uncomfortable...on another note...I think you should give him a call...ofc there's no rush to it all, take your time until you're ready

[Anonymous]

@ John

Thank you. Your advice made me think, and it was very helpful.

@Kenny221

I see what you mean by the humor thing, but it really didn't sound like he was trying to be funny, and I like to think I have a decent sense of humor.


I've decided I'm not going to call him. It's really flattering to have someone show me some interest like that, but I'm just not interested in reciprocating. Thanks for responding guys.

[SalParadise]

I know exactly what you mean. This happened to me the first time I was flirted with, I felt uncomfortable and really got "scared" of the real reason of why that cute guy was talking to me.

In your case, maybe he used the wrong words, or expressed himself in a way that for him and all his 33 years is normal or sound like a joke.

I'd say call him. Why not? Going out with him doesn't mean that you have to sleep with him, right?
And... it gives you a chance to get to know him better, then you can see if it is worth it or not.

Did I help? Let us know how it goes!

Big hug,
Sal

[Sylph]

No gurl, what you gots to do now is let this Johnny-come-lately know what your about from jump.

You can be nice and everything, but these days unfortunately, many people foolishly mistake kindness for weakness and by you not making your boundaries clear, are basically telling him "Oooookkayy, I'm ready, take me ^.^ "

Just be like, "oh um, well that's actually an awkward line... that wouldn't work on me lol"

and do what you gotta do gurl.

People say dumb shit to me all the time because I'm gay and I just let them know, hunni gurl, good for you, you got a laugh, but I have no time for idiocy , ta-ta.

Maybe not say it like that, I just happen to be very blunt and honest, however, definitely make it clear your not interested in games and tricks and hoops and all that ray ray.

You ain't no seal, shoot.

I get you're inexperienced, hell so am I, but that doesn't mean you need to act like a blushing school girl when someone makes an advance on you. People take advantage of people like that and I used to be just that way, until I grew up my spine and let people know what's on my mind.

Seriously gurl, let this man know the deal, cut all the corners, shave off the edges, get to the point.

He don't like it, then he can skip, hop and jump his way to somebody who's gonna give a shit about his little gross games...

Just my opinion hunni.

[Sylph]

Maybe the better question is:

Why do I feel so intimidated, for lack of a better word? I really didn't like the "suck me off" line. It made me feel uncomfortable. But it shouldn't though, right? We're both adults and that's an okay thing to say. But it just felt dirty, which is weird to say. I'm not a prude or anything, but I didn't like it...

It's hard to put into words why.

As for this;

Gurl trust your gut, it'll lead you right.

You probably feel uncomfortable because something about him is telling you, you need to be weary. Don't just jump in wild and free, if you do decide to pursue this venture, I'd say take the precautionary steps of getting to know him, such as going to the park or any place with plenty of people around or enough to be able to assist you in the event you need it or just for security.

If he is more experienced, he will try everything in his power to get you to part with you inexperience, cause a lot of guys are like that... not all, but enough to make atleast me distrustful any who.

If you do call him, make sure you are very firm in your resolve and that your boundaries, limitations and standards remain clear. It may seem rigid, like be yourself, but just make sure you don't give him all the cards.

Always keep an Ace up your sleeve. It's not wrong or distrustful to keep yourself safe, even when danger seems nil to none.

Too many times do people go "oh he is such a nice guy, he wouldn't hurt me" and then they end up stabbed in the back, separated from their family and home and at his complete mercy, all because he showed you what he wanted you to see.

There will always be risks in life, but you can significantly minimize them, by exercising caution, awareness and trust, trust meaning you can rely on someone to help you or keep tabs on you just to make sure you're okay.

I call and talk to my mother nearly everyday and we have ways of knowing if it's really us who were talking to over texts and stuff so. Same with my Grandmother and a few of my friends.

you can be open to this, but keep your eyes open as well, many people go in eyes closed and wonder how they were robbed blind...

[Anonymous]

Thank you greatly Sal and Sylph. That's great advice. I think for now I'm not going to worry about it. I just feel too uncomfortable about the whole thing to pursue it. And knowing me, if I take this step and call him, I'd probably end up spending the rest of my life with him just because I don't want to hurt his feelings.

[Sylph]

Thank you greatly Sal and Sylph. That's great advice. I think for now I'm not going to worry about it. I just feel too uncomfortable about the whole thing to pursue it. And knowing me, if I take this step and call him, I'd probably end up spending the rest of my life with him just because I don't want to hurt his feelings.

You most welcome Babes, however you should not feel obligated to anyone for asking you out on a date or anything of that nature.

It's first of all not fair on him and it's not fair on you gurl, just be as brave and honest as you dare and keep yourself open to the possibilities in life and know that good and bad things will come your way, but it's up to you how you want to steer your life.

Drive that car Sis, but drive it carefully.