boyrfiend lied about his age by 20 years

[BobInTampa]

Look, the decision is 100% YOURS to make. But, like others here, i'm a bit surprised that over 8 months you didn't figure out had had alot more "life experience."

8 months? I mean, it's not uncommon for older guys to "fib" a bit about their age. By fib i mean, a guy who's 55 saying he's 50. But 38 vs. 58? If he came out after the 2nd or 3rd date and told you his real age, then you'd be in a different place. Now, you're finding yourself wondering if there's OTHER things he's neglected to tell you.

Funny thing is, your reaction is one based on YOUR life experience. You're a young adult with little life experience (that's NOT an insult, it's reality). So, the fact that you're attracted to older guys isn't a bad or weird thing at all. However, your feelings and beliefs are very much determined by your life experience. ANd so, his lies about his age have triggered your feelings of betrayal.

So, as i said at the outset, the final decision is yours - tho by your post, my gut is you've already made the decision that this lie has changed EVERYTHING about how you view the viability of your LTR. Sounds like you've already decided to break it off. Don't do the same thing to him that he did to you and LIE about the "possibility" of "working it out."

His therapy won't change the past. It won't make him 18 years younger, and if his lie has scarred you, then just break it off and move on. There are LOTS of older single men out there who are COMFORTABLE with their age and would be LUCKY to find a younger guy willing to give an older man a chance at happiness - and in turn, bring YOURSELF happiness.

Move on!

[nfisher1226]

A fact I learned to accept pretty early on is that a lot of gay guys are pretty shallow about bodies and age. Not all, but a lot. Thirty can feel like the kiss of death, so at his age he's probably had more than his share of rejection and I can understand fibbing if he can get away with it.

Personally though, I'm attracted to security and confidence. If a guy lied about his age to me it would be really unattractive. Hell, if he can pass for 38 at 58 he ought to be bragging about it.

I'm on board with what others have said though. He didn't make up a small fib, he went grand. He's already dating someone way younger than him, which some people view as questionable, and he lied to you about who he was. Age is not just a number. He does have almost 40 years on you, and 40 years is more than enough time to learn how to manipulate the young and naive.

Adding to my view of his insecurity is that fact he said you could be with whoever you want. He's willing to accept you going outside the relationship just so he can keep you. That makes you the equivalent of a trophy wife from my perspective. He doesn't feel like he's man enough to satisfy you or something. I see insecurity and suspect he has plenty of other issues. You're free to proceed, but watch out. The longer you're with him the more likely it is you're going to see "crazy".