Shy, shy, SHY!

[livingproof]

I have posted on here before, and have received good responses. But I'm still confronted with the one true fact about me and dating: I'm incredibly shy. I'm not a conversation starter, I'm not a looker, so what do I have to show for myself? I have been to a gay bar, but in the town I go to school in, it isn't so great. I have been to LGBT club meetings, but I do not like the atmosphere. I'm not your run of the mill gay guy. I just want normalcy with some excitement. I just don't know where to go or what to do or how to talk to someone. I feel I give off a cold vibe because I am quiet. I try to be warm and friendly but I become too nervous to start a conversation. I want someone to come to me for a change...What should I do?

[Evan]

I've never understood why shy people are so insecure about the fact that they're shy. I find shy guys so incredibly cute! I can't talk for everyone, but to me, you probably wouldn't give off a cold vibe at all. Being quiet and "normal" isn't a bad thing, quite the opposite, actually.

The downside is, quiet people are hard to read. It's probably not that guys don't find you attractive or don't wanna approach you, but rather you're difficult to read, therefore less approachable. As a consequence only guys who are very sure of themselves and who are willing to take a risk will come to you.

I'm not sure what more you can do, seeing as you've already been to LGBT bars and meetings. Just be active; get out, join clubs.. that sort of stuff. You don't have to approach anyone if you don't want to, you can just keep waiting for them to come to you. However, if you wanna increase your chances, though, obviously you're gonna have to do some approaching as well. It doesn't have to be difficult; just imagine you're making new friends, nothing more.

But really, let me say it again, being shy is not a bad thing!

[livingproof]

Well I didn't think of it that way to be sure. And still I know I lack self-confidence. Being overweight and trying very hard to lose weight and still not getting guys to notice me is depressing. I don't know, I always try to post my best pictures on websites and the like, even this one, so I can make a good impression. But I still think I look unattractive and way too young for my age. I think I just have a low self-esteem...

[Waylon777]

Hmm. As my mechanical engineering department administrator said, "If you are shy,..... you die."
Haha, it's not that severe, but go at your own pace, open up to conversation at your own pace, you don't have to force yourself to talk to people, but also, you should push bit by bit. It's definitely scary sometimes to start up a conversation, but give yourself a nudge, at least say "Hi!! My name is .... How are you?" It doesn't matter if the conversation ends there, let the conversation flow, don't force it, since it will just choke itself up. Other than that, if you are shy on talking people in general, then try striking up a conversation with random person on bus or on the street. It helps to build up that little push, so you can say something.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I've never understood why shy people are so insecure about the fact that they're shy. I find shy guys so incredibly cute!

Because being shy means more often than not you find yourself supporting the wall while everyone else is having fun.

And most people do assume that your inability to talk socially means you are a snob or uptight or a dickwad asshole so they do ignore you.

Society is geared heavily for extroversion - if you are the life of the party you are good, if you dare to snub parties and prefer quiet one on one conversation or to stay at home there is something wrong with you.

Also, being shy gives off a creepy feeling. Think about every mass murderer of note - the majority of them everyone is surprised because 'He was such a quiet man....'

If one doesn't like the scene they are pretty much screwed in the relationship area of life if they are LGBT - If you are straight acting and refuse to do the scene, then your chances of meeting another gay man is greatly reduced.

Being shy may look cute, but its very painful and troubling - it rarely ends well for the shy person - and often the shy person is actually ignored while everyone else has fun.

It is a pathetic place to be - and its miserable and eventually with the pressures to conform and be more extroverted shy people take to substance abuse in order to become the life of the party, or end up being depressed to the point where they slit their wrists, or take massive amounts of sleeping pills or something.

Everything in modern society is geared toward social interaction. If you fail to meet the standards of being a mindless social butterfly, willing and able to flit from conversation of group to group, you are ostracized and ignored. Worse is when the bullies find out then they single you out for such interesting games as 'keep away' and toilet twirlies.

How do I know? I'm that quiet man and one day no doubt I will go postal and go on a murderous rampage and surprise a lot of people.....:tongue: