HELP - Sexual incompatibility - he loves giving but does not want to receive head

[Unfulfilled1]

I have been with my current lover for almost a year. I've learned a lot of great things, we do lots of great things, but he has openly stated he does not want to receive head because it doesn't feel good for him, and that he would decide when I would get any chance to do it. More on that in a moment. That was a while back and since then he will go down on me but won't let me reciprocate.

I know that licking and similar sensations he legitimately finds displeasing. Or that's what he says, but I see no reason to disbelieve him. Especially when he says it tickles and it doesn't feel good. (nothing about teeth or anything...)

I know that we both love to give for the sake of self fulfillment.

There are physical acts we both like and I mentally focus on those, but still feel bad when watching him go down on me (he's hot) but feel bad or selfish because I'm not allowed to do the same. Not just for my lack of fulfillment but because the tongue licking makes him feel uncomfortable - he does seem to be sensitive, though the first couple of months he certainly didn't seem to mind my going down on him. But even certain hand strokes bother him and I've avoided those (others are just fine, which is great so it's not a problem.)

I've made previous lovers cum in my mouth and it makes me fulfilled to get them to do that. I could do it twice per day.

But the most important aspect: I enjoy his personality more. The previous lovers that I could get off with my mouth were just not compatible with my personality and/or vice-versa. There is a real emotional bond here, or else one of us would have dumped the other by now. Especially as he believes a relationship end the moment it stops being fun. I know we've both made sacrifices because of the greater benefits of our being together and most of them are truly great.

I should also add that he gave me herpes (type 1, from his mouth to my penis. He didn't know that type 1 can be spread that way. It's not the end of my sex life if we break up, and I hope he will use his newfound knowledge to inform future partners before ever kissing any part of a new lover's body. Assuming we don't stay together forever, which is something I yearn for with him despite this one issue, but it takes two people to feel that comfortable...)

What can I do to live without giving oral until the day he chooses to break up with me? I know his love for me runs deep, as my love for him runs deep as well. He has made some compromises, but has said I don't need to do or learn anything that makes me feel uncomfortable - but I do want to learn things he wants done so he can feel more fulfilled. That is part of love, and the way he cuddles and holds onto me overnight while sleeping readily proves he doesn't want to let me go.

It's a weird situation. And, often, it doesn't bother me. But then a memory from the past reminds me of how fulfilling it is to have a man in my mouth and I start to get depressed. And I don't want to because my emotional love, and the physical acts we both do, is stronger.

Any advice would be most appreciated.

Thanks!

[putresVigil]

[COLOR="Olive"]He mentions a tickle and a discomfort, does he? Has he seen a urologist?

Don't panic: I am not insinuating he is sick at all. But excessive sensitivity can be a big problem and there maybe ways of treating it so that he can enjoy it. Does he masturbate or is stimulation, even by his own hand, way too overwhelming for him?

At first I was thinking mild lidocaine or the like but since this is going in your mouth, you would have to be careful with topical numbing agents (topical medications aren't generally made to be ingested, after all). If he can't even masturbate, especially, then you may want to nudge him to see a urologist. [/COLOR]

[COLOR="Green"]Then again, this may just be him. You love him, you want to spend your life waking up in his arms, so can you work past this if this is the way it is? Is there something else he likes that doesn't involve his penis? Perhaps running your fingertips up and down his inner thighs, massaging him, or something else that gives him pleasure and shows him your love could work. And, if he can masturbate, having him finish in your mouth might be an option (the thought of taking a lover "inside me" somehow as a way of showing my total acceptance of him is very appealing to me, so I totally empathize).

Have you discussed this with him as well? How you want to please him in turn and how important this is to you? If not, I highly suggest that as your first stop. If you two love each other he may be very amiable to working on this with you.[/COLOR]

[dfiant1]

I can understand where you are coming from. I dated a guy who wouldn't cum from oral sex, I could go for hours and nothing and I love giving right to the end. Yet if he was watching porn he would literally only have to think about touching himself and he would explode...so we improvised and it worked.

Find out what works for both of you and improvise. If you truely love him, then giving him head isn't going to be the end of the world if you can both pleasure each other in improvised ways.

It is also normal to be ticklish or overly sensitive, some guys are, most aren't, of course one of the improvisations could be try something to desensitise him to the tickle. I don't think there is anything medically that can or should be done.