Yeah, Coming out via SMS, what do you think? Cowardly or not?
Basically, WLM knows as he was getting live updates  but at the weekend, I ended up telling my dad that I had a boyfriend who I'm very much in love with, via text message. Not quite how I'd planned but he said a few things that ticked me off and I just wanted to get it off my chest, plus I thought if he thought I was happy, it might make him a bit happier. Well at first it appeared not to have worked. I got a rather crappy reply about how much his life sucked, how much he wished he'd left my mum sooner, how I've shocked him, not to talk to him and to leave him alone. Then at the end it had "speak to me if you want, i dont know if i will do. love you son" - which was a weird way to end. Anyway I didn't reply as I was a bit confused / wanted to let him simmer off. Anyway Ian came over and stayed that night. About 4am my phone went off and woke us up. I looked at it and it was a message from my dad begging for my forgiveness and offering his blessing for the both of us.
So yeah, I am quite happy to say that both of my parents are now aware of my sexuality and my relationship status. Mum is over the moon and don't really see it any different. Dad, I think he's gonna find it hard to cope with, but he just don't want to lose me so is accepting it.
So yeah, positive outcome I think! Never ever thought I'd be able to tell my dad... but ive done it! So weird, but in the last month I've accidentally come out to my sister, my mum told my 2 cousins... and my dad now knows. Not a bad month haha!
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Smurlos Wrote:Yeah, Coming out via SMS, what do you think? Cowardly or not?
Basically, WLM knows as he was getting live updates but at the weekend, I ended up telling my dad that I had a boyfriend who I'm very much in love with, via text message. Not quite how I'd planned but he said a few things that ticked me off and I just wanted to get it off my chest, plus I thought if he thought I was happy, it might make him a bit happier. Well at first it appeared not to have worked. I got a rather crappy reply about how much his life sucked, how much he wished he'd left my mum sooner, how I've shocked him, not to talk to him and to leave him alone. Then at the end it had "speak to me if you want, i dont know if i will do. love you son" - which was a weird way to end. Anyway I didn't reply as I was a bit confused / wanted to let him simmer off. Anyway Ian came over and stayed that night. About 4am my phone went off and woke us up. I looked at it and it was a message from my dad begging for my forgiveness and offering his blessing for the both of us.
So yeah, I am quite happy to say that both of my parents are now aware of my sexuality and my relationship status. Mum is over the moon and don't really see it any different. Dad, I think he's gonna find it hard to cope with, but he just don't want to lose me so is accepting it.
So yeah, positive outcome I think! Never ever thought I'd be able to tell my dad... but ive done it! So weird, but in the last month I've accidentally come out to my sister, my mum told my 2 cousins... and my dad now knows. Not a bad month haha!
I don't think it was cowardly... It think it was very brave... at the same time I think the time was right for you, you'd had enough of all this secrecy... time for the news to come out and so you did it. Bravo and I'm glad that your dad responded, even if it was a confused response... the fact that he said he loved you is positive... Now some day he'll get to meet Ian and see what a nice person he is, and how well he takes care of you and then he'll see that he needn't worry about you anymore. That should take care of his fears of inadequacy...
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lol... I think once you said you'd sent it, I was demanding updates!!! :biggrin:
But again, congrats on coming out to him and also again... no it was not a cowardly thing to do!
When are you next seeing your Dad?
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I think you handled your dad so well. I dont think I could have done so well.
Very proud of you. Hugs.
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Well done, Smurlos. Of course your dad loves you. What dad wouldn't? He'll need a bit of time to adjust his vision of what his future might look like, but you did a GOOD THING! Bravo 
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Thanks guys! Well I've had further correspondance with him today and it seems he's using this whole thing to make digs at my mother again... the final text being "fed up with the things i dont know. your mum has a lot to take to the grave with her, i hope she dies" to which I didn't bother responding.
He asked why it was kept from him for so long after I told my mum. I said that he needs to realise it's not as easy as that to just tell someone who is so close to you, that you are gay, it could blow the whole relationship up etc. He didn't even aknowledge that though, instead rambled on about how he never knows anything, everyone knows stuff before him etc.
So yeah, lost cause he is atm... oh well!
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I'd give anything to be in your position Smurls.Great going buddy.My hero!
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Smurlos Wrote:Thanks guys! Well I've had further correspondance with him today and it seems he's using this whole thing to make digs at my mother again... the final text being "fed up with the things i dont know. your mum has a lot to take to the grave with her, i hope she dies" to which I didn't bother responding.
He asked why it was kept from him for so long after I told my mum. I said that he needs to realise it's not as easy as that to just tell someone who is so close to you, that you are gay, it could blow the whole relationship up etc. He didn't even aknowledge that though, instead rambled on about how he never knows anything, everyone knows stuff before him etc.
So yeah, lost cause he is atm... oh well!
Your poor dad seems to have his issues that have not been dealt with and maybe he could benefit from talking to a counsellor... maybe you should suggest it to him. There is still quite a lot of anger in him directed at your mum when probably both were at fault in their relationship (to some extent). Now maybe he's feeling very left out. I think my dad felt very left out when my parents were separated then divorced... We are celebrating his 80th birthday this weekend (congrats also to Marshlander's dad who's celebrating his 80th tomorrow (in just a few minutes)) and it's nice that we've found a living mode that is more suitable than all this anger and bickering. I think it took my brother's death to make both my parents more adult about their frazzled relationship.
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along to what has already been said.. and I dont know your dad... and you are only telling us certain details...
I think your dad is also very egotistical + it all seems to be about him. Just an observation. I could be totally wrong.
Smurlos I think you have handled it perfectly by not responding to such horrible texting from your dad.
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