i gotta tlk 2 sum 1

[Anonymous]

So, right, i''ve made varied attempts on my life, all failed, obviously. That's why I'm here. But why doesn't it help? god, everything has been shit at points, and i've ignored it sometimes, but it gets harder to ignore.

[princealbertofb]

So, right, i''ve made varied attempts on my life, all failed, obviously. That's why I'm here. But why doesn't it help? god, everything has been shit at points, and i've ignored it sometimes, but it gets harder to ignore.

How can we help? Your details are not very specific... If you want to discuss some particular point(s), you'll have to feed us a bit more information. What seem(s) to be the problem(s)?
Acceptation from family and friends? Boyfriend trouble? Failure to accept yourself as you are? I take it you've only just recently acknowledged that you might be gay...? In any case, welcome to Gayspeak. mile:

[antm55]

How can we help? Your details are not very specific... If you want to discuss some particular point(s), you'll have to feed us a bit more information. What seem(s) to be the problem(s)?
Acceptation from family and friends? Boyfriend trouble? Failure to accept yourself as you are? I take it you've only just recently acknowledged that you might be gay...? In any case, welcome to Gayspeak. mile:

Ditto, we need more details

[fjp999]

Edit: (sorry totally misread your post anon)

take care and stay positive.

[wouldlikemuscle]

So, right, i''ve made varied attempts on my life, all failed, obviously. That's why I'm here. But why doesn't it help? god, everything has been shit at points, and i've ignored it sometimes, but it gets harder to ignore.

As princealbertofb (PA) said, some more details would be needed to be able to help your specific situation.

But in a general sense... try to look for the positive side of things, find things that help you to relax (whether that's read a good book, see a good movie, play sports, go down the gym, hang out with mates....). You don't have to ignore the bad side of things, but they tend to be blips, sometimes lasting longer than others, and it can be quite easy for these to overbear on the good things.

Having known people (plural) that have made an attempt / attempts at their own life, it seems to have come down to the feeling of people not loving you. Which in the cases of those I know who've attempted it, couldn't be further from the truth. Those feelings though were strengthened by alcohol. And when you feel depressed, alcohol is probably going to be your biggest enemy, not your friend.

[marshlander]

Anonymous, honey, I'm afraid I'm going to suggest that we don't need to know any more details, unless you decide you want to share them.

Like all of us here, I am very sorry to read that you are in such a dark place and I wish you the very best in your time of need. Most of us would claim to value life over the rather final act of suicide and that fact that you have made failed suicide attempts (which may, under some circumstances, also be interpreted as successful wake-up calls?) followed by finding the strength to raise your situation here suggests to me there may be just a pin-prick of light in your dark place.

If you can keep talking to us there is hope that you can find a real person to talk to too, even if for most of the time talking is the last thing you may feel like doing. What talking does, though, is it allows us to externalise ideas and begin to explore them rather than just let them go round and round in circles in our heads. It may take a long time but once we can articulate our thoughts and feelings we can put them in a different place where they may not need to do us so much harm.

Finding the strength to come here for help is a good step, but we cannot provide you with any more than anonymous support at arm's length. I don't know where you are, but in the UK your family doctor can open up access to a variety of forms of support, whether they be medicinal or some kind of talking therapy. I would endorse wouldlikemuscle's suggestion that physical activity is often helpful since strenuuous and regular physical activity stimulates helpful chemical response in the brain.

It's all very well having strangers suggest from the outside things you can do to get well. I wish you the strength to take one step at a time and hope you can find some way to be kind to yourself.

Best wishes

[Anonymous]

the thing is im not sure what the problem is. it's not that i feel any kind of rejection for being gay, in fact i don't think it's any kind of rejection at all. i don't kno, it might just be the way my brain works.

im worried about it now because since the last time i tried to hurt myself i was caught, i got put into lots of therapy and stuff, but that is nearly finished, and i can't bring myself to tell the doctor i want to carry on the sessions, although it makes me feel better, i hate the sessions, i hate psyco-analisis. im scared that if i carry on with sessions much longer he will prescribe something, and i don't want to have to take anti-depressants.

i haven't told the doctor, my family or any of my friends this, and i think the furthest it will go is my friends if anywhere at all, i don't want to tell my family, they'll freak out, and if i tell the doctor he'll extend the sessions or prescribe me something, if i told my friends the school would find out, then my parents etc. i can't handle that.

oh, and im pretty sure i have depression, or even manic depression, but im not sure which one, also i get some minor OCD, and varied aggression and paranoia. i know you're going to suggest me telling my doctor or my family, but i really can't, it's not easy talking to them any way.

i think the suicide attempts might be something to do with this feeling that i get that nothing will work out, not only in the short-term, but ever, i normally get it while im alone, or even if i just feel alone. it usually causes me to leave whoever i am with and go to be alone. i'd destract myself with a book or something but i can't go and sit and read anywhere unless i'm at home.

[Shadow]

Ok, so to help us build-up a picture of you and your situation, as the boys have already mentioned, we really need for you to help us by telling us exactly (in simple terms, 'coz we're simple people) what's upsetting you - give us as much information as you can - imagine you're writing it on a piece of paper that's going to be shown to people that know NOTHING about you, and this is what they're going to be advising you on ...

We now know that you're at school (from what you've just said); that you're almost finished with a bout of counselling sessions (presumably specifically focused on whatever it is that's distressing you so); that you're not comfortable discussing this topic with your family or, at the present time, your friends, and of course that you've come to us anonymously - all of which is fine by the way ...

We also know that you've made attempts to take your own life in the past, which is obviously NOT ok, and signals that something is wrong that needs attending to ...

We're not the type of people that judge - we never have been ... so you needn't worry that we're going to say "You MUST do this" or "You HAVE to do that" - that's not our way ... as the guys have already pointed out, we can simply advise - we can take what information you give us, think about it, and give you what we believe are helpful and productive suggestions that you can reflect on, and then either choose to ignore, accept in part, or follow completely - it's entirely up to you babe.

It's just that we can't really give you ANY kind of objective and/or constructive advice until we know exactly what the problem is, so please, take your time, and explain to us what's upsetting you, so that we can have a look at it and see if we can help you make sense of it, and make things better for you ...

We'll help if we can, but you have to give us the information to do so mile:.

Welcome on board - even if you're only here from time to time, it's good to have you xx

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[marshlander]

the thing is im not sure what the problem is. it's not that i feel any kind of rejection for being gay, in fact i don't think it's any kind of rejection at all. i don't kno, it might just be the way my brain works.

im worried about it now because since the last time i tried to hurt myself i was caught, i got put into lots of therapy and stuff, but that is nearly finished, and i can't bring myself to tell the doctor i want to carry on the sessions, although it makes me feel better, i hate the sessions, i hate psyco-analisis. im scared that if i carry on with sessions much longer he will prescribe something, and i don't want to have to take anti-depressants.

i haven't told the doctor, my family or any of my friends this, and i think the furthest it will go is my friends if anywhere at all, i don't want to tell my family, they'll freak out, and if i tell the doctor he'll extend the sessions or prescribe me something, if i told my friends the school would find out, then my parents etc. i can't handle that.

oh, and im pretty sure i have depression, or even manic depression, but im not sure which one, also i get some minor OCD, and varied aggression and paranoia. i know you're going to suggest me telling my doctor or my family, but i really can't, it's not easy talking to them any way.

i think the suicide attempts might be something to do with this feeling that i get that nothing will work out, not only in the short-term, but ever, i normally get it while im alone, or even if i just feel alone. it usually causes me to leave whoever i am with and go to be alone. i'd destract myself with a book or something but i can't go and sit and read anywhere unless i'm at home.

I'm afraid I can't spend any time on an answer at the moment since I have to go to work in a few minutes, but I wanted to acknowledge what you said.

Sure, it's fine to have an idea about how you want your recovery to be handled. Did you hear the results of the research that has been on the news in the past couple of days that talking therapy may not be all it's cracked up to be (sorry for the pun!)? There have been a number of people who have learned to deal with trauma in their own way and who have made better recovery than those who have been in counselling.

If you find reading to be one of your distractions have you tried meditation? At times in my life I have practised it and have found it beneficial in that at least it stops the chatter for a while, or rather allows it to be become part of a stream that's kind of all flowing the same way ... if that makes any sense!

If you suspect bi-polar disorder I assume you have done some reading up on the subject? You could do a lot worse than seeing what Stephen Fry has to say http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/tv_and_radio...tary.shtml

Sorry, this has to be brief, but I'll look in later on in the day.

Best wishes,

[marshlander]

Okay, back now and I thought I had better mention that anything I say is merely coloured by my own experience. I have no medical qualification whatsoever.

I mentioned above the the news item I vaguely overheard on the news in the next room on the study of the effectiveness of counselling. It can be found on http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk...114963.ece

I'm sorry, but I have to disagree with Shadow. It doesn't sound to me as though you are asking for help with alleviating symptoms and I still see no reason for you to give more details. To me, you have already given plenty. If there were identifiable causes for your distress you would have articulated them already and would probably be halfway to formulating a plan of action for sorting them out. Depression may not have a cause of which we can be aware. It just is and it is truly horrible. Everyone feels "depressed" at times, but until someone has experienced depression they have little idea that there is actually a difference. It is one of the weaknesses of the English language that there is not sufficient distinction between clinical depression and feeling depressed. The two experiences are not the same.

You suggested that manic depression (bi-polar disorder) may be part of what's going on in your life ... Do you experience the hyper times as well as the dark ones? If so, you might have another think about GP or clinical psychiatric support. This could actually have something to offer since bd is often attributable to a chemical disfunction and can often be balanced by drug therapy. As well as the work being done by Stephen Fry (who I think is actually one of my heroes) there is more information here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder
You also mentioned other symptoms - the "minor OCD, and varied aggression and paranoia". Okay I accept what you say, but just be aware we are living in times where we are encouraged on all sides to pathologise perfectly normal behaviour! It's just possible that this is you, not an illness ... If, however, there is something more clinical going on then you might try a different form of therapy, such as cognitive behavioural therapy (cbt), which can give you a focus for how to deal with your troubles.

I was in counselling for several years at one point and where I found it useful is that it gave me time and space to explore and articulate ideas for which I had prevously no vocabulary. I didn't necessarily feel "better" after a counselling session, but I did find it helpful to have a disinterested third party. This actually saved the ears of some of my poor friends. I was fed up with bothering them with my woes, but I felt I had to keep talking until I was all talked out. There came a time when I decided that I wasn't getting any further benefit from the sessions and we wound them up. The quality of the counsellor is important (I had a few and I valued some more than others). I would imagine there are many who probably shouldn't be doing the job as well as many who may not suit us individually. Someone very dear to me was put into the hands of the local youth counselling services after a suicide attempt and coming up close to such a service I realised I wouldn't want anyone I knew to fall into the clutches of some of their counsellors! By the law of averages there must be good ones out there, but the ones we encountered were the psychiatric equivalent of taking a cold shower! Not nice.

Similarly the usual anti-depressants may not always bring about the desired effects. If you are still at school then you are probably of an age where selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), including Prozac and Seroxat may, I believe, cause more harm than good. A starting point for fuller information would be http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selective_s..._inhibitor
but as with any Wikipedia entry read around the subject and check facts before taking them as gospel.

One of the regular contributors to these discussions was also was prescribed anti-depressants and reported that they did not suit him. He did, however, find that medication to combat anxiety was more useful in his situation. Could it be that a drug regime could be better targetted?

You say that the counselling does help even though you don't want to ask for more time. If your fear is that your doctor is going to force you to take drugs you might consider changing your doctor. I recognise that making the effort to do anything as difficult as that is not something you would want to hear if you are feeling low. It takes effort and an energy that may not be available to you in your present state. The relationship I have with my doctor is that we discuss what treatment options are open to me and I decide what suits me best. Often I will be guided by his advice, but I do try to listen to my body and what it is telling me. Trust your intuition, but be prepared to listen to informed advice. I guess the bottom line is that if you feel it is doing you good, it probably is. The truth is that we have enormous reserves of strength and can, with time and the RIGHT support, overcome many troubles.

I readily accept that you don't want to involve your family. Some people are just too close to the situation and can't see any wood for all the trees. If you feel one or two close friends would be willing to help you share your burden, use them. You'd be pleased to be able to support them if the situation were reversed, I'm sure.

From what you've told us I see a few options. You could

• continue with the medical support and explore what's being offered
  
• negotiate treatment that suits your temperament better
  
• listen to medical advice but let your doctor and/or counsellor know that you want to fly solo for a while. You don't close a door to future support by doing that
  
• consider the wisdom of becoming healthier in the physical body too. Regular exercise, a good diet and sufficient sleep help the body overcome all sorts of ills
  
• find what brings you those moments of peace you mention. Make time for yourself regularly
  
• take up a new activity that reaches into the physical, mental and spiritual planes. Yoga comes to mind, but do be careful you don't end up in a class populated by elderly females in leotards if you think that will freak you out :eek:
  
• remember that you have other things going on in your life too. If you are at school you might need to build your self-esteem by developing good study habits
  
• the study I mentioned at the beginning does actually suggest that people who use the traditional British "stiff upper lip" show signs of being able to cope better with worries that are actually founded in trauma. You may just want to put childhood events behind you and move on to the next phase of your life. If you think that suits you, there's nothing wrong with that.

I'm sorry to have written such a long response, but if anything I've written here resonates with you, I'm pleased and I hope you can see a way to a lighter place. Sometimes it takes a change in our circumstances to see our lives differently. For me the single biggest difference in my life was meeting a loving and tolerant partner. Where I once saw no future I see many reasons for looking forward with eagerness which has helped me develop more of an interest in making the most of the now.

I wish you the strength to hang in there until you find a way through your troubles. It's like eating an elephant. You wouldn't attempt to do it all in one sitting. Do what you can when you can. Learn to recognise your triggers and continue to talk to us (you are welcome to pm me if you want to, but no pressure!). When things are bad accept that you can only deal with one day, or even one hour, at a time.

All the best