Having a Gay Arrangement?

[GayArrangement]

How does everyone feel about Arrangements? Do you think of this a form of prostitution or can there be love there?

[EvenOlderButWiser]

If you mean an arrangement as in "Sugar Daddy" then its prostitution by another name.

However I don't doubt that the daddy could develop feelings for the other guy. I would be very surprised if any love developed the other way, other than the love of having material things....

ObW
X

[trialbyerror]

I assume you mean a sex / companionship for reward / security / food & shelter type arrangement.

I agree with Wiser, it probibly won't become an equal love relationship,

But if both parties are happy with the arrangement, so what. It's not my business. Not my place to judge..

Same goes for older younger or fuck-buddy or any other of a thousand arrangements. No judgment.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I assume you mean a sex / companionship for reward / security / food & shelter type arrangement.

sounds like marriage to me.....

Look, every situation is a sort of arraignment. Love and relationships are pretty much feeding greed of some sort or another. Even if your 'need' is to take care of someone else, it is still a selfish act.

I fail to see the difference if you are getting sex because of 'love' or if someone is paying you for that 'love'.

[Woollyhats]

I assume you mean a sex / companionship for reward / security / food & shelter type arrangement.

sounds like marriage to me.....

Look, every situation is a sort of arraignment. Love and relationships are pretty much feeding greed of some sort or another. Even if your 'need' is to take care of someone else, it is still a selfish act.

I fail to see the difference if you are getting sex because of 'love' or if someone is paying you for that 'love'.

That's a disappointingly nihilistic view. Personally, I think the "wanting you to be happy" relationship I have, where that's accurate for both parties, is more altruistic than having someone you just keep around for the sex. Sure, even friendship can be put off as something we do to release endorphins in our brains, but I personally believe that companions that are friends, and create happiness, share hobbies, etc., experience a higher quality life than someone that's just experiencing sexual gratification.

Also, I was about to go into psychoanalytic theories and into Maslow's pyramid of human needs, and that signals that it's reallytime for bed. Sorry. I just finished a Dev-pysch mid-term and my brain hasn't calmed down yet.

Summary: I think you are right, I just like to think that relationships where people grow together are better, and probably make most people feel more valued.

[zuffenhausen]

I've been there done that, its ok for a short period of time but gets depressing over the long run for both parties. One party is unsatisfied in bed, the other feels unsatisfied everywhere else. It's too much of a compromise.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

A psych student. Hmm.

I think you are right, I just like to think that relationships where people grow together are better, and probably make most people feel more valued.

And how does this make you feel....? :tongue:

Feeling more valued means they are of more value? and isn't better really just a relative term?

If a couple have a sex for money contract and they both are satisfied, is this really worse than a lovers situation where both are deluded in believing that they are being of more 'value' to the other simply because no currency has exchanged?

[trialbyerror]

A psych student. Hmm.
And how does this make you feel....? :tongue:

Hi Bow
Sorry to extract this one thing, from your post and it's going to drive this a wee off topic

If only you know how that sentence drives me up the bleeding wall.
When fostering my son, every godamn time I asked the social worker / house mother / caregiver a question that was aqward, or drove them in a corner, they would shoot that off.

Caught me out quite a few times, as I was left trying to analyse "how I felt" while they gathered their thoughts until I tumbled to their tricks...

Once the light-bulb went on, the very next session

The question asked
The same response
Then my reply: -

"How I bloody feel is irreverent answer my question, and stop trying your psychological tricks. Don't you ever ask me that question again"

They never did...

Back to the topic.
I understand the term "arrangement" is where one party is beholden to the other, for the basic necessities of life, <ALT> not able to contribute materially to the partnership.

Unlike partnerships where there is a disparity of contribution due to various factors, but both parties still contribute.

"Arrangements" can and very often do develop into partnerships, as the person who, initially makes no material contribution comes into their own.

An "equal partnership" would then be where both parties contribute materially proportionally equally to the costs

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Hi Bow
Sorry to extract this one thing, from your post and it's going to drive this a wee off topic

If only you know how that sentence drives me up the bleeding wall.
When fostering my son, every godamn time I asked the social worker / house mother / caregiver a question that was aqward, or drove them in a corner, they would shoot that off.

Caught me out quite a few times, as I was left trying to analyse "how I felt" while they gathered their thoughts until I tumbled to their tricks...

Once the light-bulb went on, the very next session

The question asked
The same response
Then my reply: -

"How I bloody feel is irreverent answer my question, and stop trying your psychological tricks. Don't you ever ask me that question again"

They never did...

I see. And how does that make you feel...

[davearoo]

Like trialbyerror, I think arrangements are fine as long as both parties are happy with them.

For me personally, I have no desire to be someone's daddy: my partner needs to be financially independent. Nor would I want to agree to be a "kept man." I would have to contribute something to the household portfolio.