I'm just at my breaking point

[Arkansota]

It seems like everyone hates me. It's always been that way. Literally, every time I put myself out there, I get a really negative reaction. I know that I have a disability that causes me to have impaired social skills and that's likely the cause of it. People tend to think that I'm abrasive and nasty, but that's not what's in my heart.

I've had some good friends but they always cut off the connection after a while and it just makes me feel so awful. Like, why does nobody want to be my friend?

I'm so sick of all this pain that's been happening my entire life. Hopefully, opening up here will help a little bit.

[dfiant1]

People that don't understand a disability are often afraid of it?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I may have said this to you before, I test on the Asper's Scale. Looking back at my life with the data I now possess I see a very clear distinct personality that fits many of the 'symptoms' of the condition.

Back in the day when I was your age most people never heard of autism, most doctors didn't diagnose it. Like you people thought a lot of wrong thoughts about me because I was (and still am) an alien to this planet called Earth.

Unlike you no one knew about it, there was no internet to read up and figure out the differences for an Aspy or Autistic person to actually have a hard list of behaviors that don't match the rest of the population. Many like me had to sit there and figure it out on our own and learn adaptive behaviors to 'fit in' or at the very least not to be the object of a lynching.

You actually have it easier - no not by much, but easier nonetheless. The Native Species hates 'other' most of the species is xenophobic. They are so afraid of other that they have been killing and making wars over such nonsense 'differences' such as skin color and belief in a variation of deity. The species is illogical and cannot accept difference and diversity.

The hardest thing facing you with this is you need to understand you are the alien. You are the one who will most likely be the 'odd guy' in most settings. You are the one with 'special needs' - you are a minority, the natives from YOUR world are far and few between here on Earth.

I have learned how to force a convincing smile. I don't like to do it, to me teeth baring is a sign of aggression - To these aliens that I'm surrounded by apparently its not aggressive at all. Your going to have to learn when and how to smile. Yes its hard, yes its annoying, yes it is illogical - but when in Rome you do as the Romans.

I learned how to engage with people on their level - honestly most people can't even begin to relate to me on my level - most of them are morons - You know how that is, since we come from the same world. Yes you most likely have an IQ that would make most earthlings cry if they had enough IQ to understand how sad they really are. Your being smarter means you need to lower yourself to their level and not remind them how pathetically small their intelligence is.

I learned to check myself and see when I am boring the crap out of people with a subject that I find incredibly fascinating. I learned how to read faces enough to know when to smile, laugh, chuckle, or make some sound of concern or pity. I don't understand the need, never have understood the need, will never understand the need - but since I am trying to pass myself off as an Earthling while on my mission of exploration and examination of the species I have learned to act like one.


Your going to have to learn to be satisfied with posting once and only once on your pet obsessions, or to bring it up once and only once in conversations. Earthlings can't handle obsession. Sorry they lack the brain power for that.

I learned to not be as truthful about stuff. Such as I learned that most Earthling parents don't like it when you tell them flat out 'Damn your baby is ugly' Even if that baby is ugly as sin everyone wants to hear the lie 'Oh how cute'.

Learn how to be evasive, learn how to count to 5 and THINK about your next words. Learn the native language, the native phrases and use them.

They don't want to be reminded that their baby is one more hungry mouth on an already over populated planet. They don't want you to tell them 'yeah well actually that 'word' you think that kid is saying isn't really a word, and he isn't that bright because actually he is at the right age to be making that particular sound'. No Earth parent wants to hear their kid is average.

I learned that most of my options are going to offend people. Thus I do not discuss the wonders of eugenics or how much better the species would be if we sterilized a large chunk of the population. Logical or not, people don't want to hear that.

I'm certain that somewhere along the line someone has told you that X subject is very offensive, please shut up. Well Shut-up about it. The subject isn't going to get less offensive the more you talk about it.

In fact I pretty much steer clear from the subject of logic and rational thinking because it annoys the crap out of most Earthlings. Always remember, they are an animal species capable of reason, they are NOT a reasoning animal.

I learned how to avert my penetrating gaze. Yes I have a tendency to focus 210% of my attention on people, I look so closely at them they know I am reading their soul - they do not like that. So I sit there and count to ten in my head and avert my gaze to focus on some other non-interesting thing so I do not unsettle the natives. Count to 5 or ten again, look back at them... Yes its exhausting....

I learned that large complex words scare people. They can't relate to the use of prevaricate which has a specific meaning of 'lie' instead they want it simplified and lumped under the word 'lie'. Apparently if you use those sorts of words it comes off that you are a pompous ass.

I learned that no matter how moronic a person really is, they don't like to be reminded of that. So I keep the word to myself.


Any of that above sound familiar?


I changed how I behave to blend in with the natives. no it didn't happen over night. Yes its a lot of work which frankly annoys me and it would be much easier of the species I deal with would get over their issues and accept my issues.

You have it much easier than I had it. I had to do trial and error, there was no internet to run off to to get a check list of behaviors that Earthlings don't have and which apparently make our species offensive.

There was no Google to Google 'Most Offensive Subjects" https://www.google.com/#psj=1&q=Most+Offensive+Subjects I had to figure those out through trial and error, by bringing up the subject then taking a shitload of hate because someone took offense.

I had to go to a library and search the stacks and card catalog system to find books on the subject of body language. You - well using Google you find: https://www.google.com/#psj=1&q=how+to+r...y+language


There are a lot of Autistic and Aspers in the modern world who adapted and changed, they used their abilities to not just survive and thrive. They did the adapting, they didn't expect the natives to adapt to them.

You cannot and should not expect a lesser intelligent life form to be able to adapt and change to meet your greatness. They are unable to do that - they lack brain cells, they lack IQ points - they lack interest in learning.

[Sylph]

Oh Arkansota gurl, shut them loose mouth lips and come rest your head on Mama Odi's Double E Tits :hugs-and-kisses-smi .

BA, while his post is lengthy, no sorry, long as fuck, he is right :p .

Not everyone here is my friend either, atleast in the way you seem to want for us to be.

Just be more out there, tell a bitch about yourself.

I still don't even know that much about you gurl, you like a book with words written in invisible ink.

Spin us a Story gurl.

But just know no body hates you really, misunderstand perhaps, but not hate :\

Kisses you big ol Gay
:hugs-and-kisses-smi

[Arkansota]

I may have said this to you before, I test on the Asper's Scale. Looking back at my life with the data I now possess I see a very clear distinct personality that fits many of the 'symptoms' of the condition.

Back in the day when I was your age most people never heard of autism, most doctors didn't diagnose it. Like you people thought a lot of wrong thoughts about me because I was (and still am) an alien to this planet called Earth.

Unlike you no one knew about it, there was no internet to read up and figure out the differences for an Aspy or Autistic person to actually have a hard list of behaviors that don't match the rest of the population. Many like me had to sit there and figure it out on our own and learn adaptive behaviors to 'fit in' or at the very least not to be the object of a lynching.

You actually have it easier - no not by much, but easier nonetheless. The Native Species hates 'other' most of the species is xenophobic. They are so afraid of other that they have been killing and making wars over such nonsense 'differences' such as skin color and belief in a variation of deity. The species is illogical and cannot accept difference and diversity.

The hardest thing facing you with this is you need to understand you are the alien. You are the one who will most likely be the 'odd guy' in most settings. You are the one with 'special needs' - you are a minority, the natives from YOUR world are far and few between here on Earth.

I have learned how to force a convincing smile. I don't like to do it, to me teeth baring is a sign of aggression - To these aliens that I'm surrounded by apparently its not aggressive at all. Your going to have to learn when and how to smile. Yes its hard, yes its annoying, yes it is illogical - but when in Rome you do as the Romans.

I learned how to engage with people on their level - honestly most people can't even begin to relate to me on my level - most of them are morons - You know how that is, since we come from the same world. Yes you most likely have an IQ that would make most earthlings cry if they had enough IQ to understand how sad they really are. Your being smarter means you need to lower yourself to their level and not remind them how pathetically small their intelligence is.

I learned to check myself and see when I am boring the crap out of people with a subject that I find incredibly fascinating. I learned how to read faces enough to know when to smile, laugh, chuckle, or make some sound of concern or pity. I don't understand the need, never have understood the need, will never understand the need - but since I am trying to pass myself off as an Earthling while on my mission of exploration and examination of the species I have learned to act like one.


Your going to have to learn to be satisfied with posting once and only once on your pet obsessions, or to bring it up once and only once in conversations. Earthlings can't handle obsession. Sorry they lack the brain power for that.

I learned to not be as truthful about stuff. Such as I learned that most Earthling parents don't like it when you tell them flat out 'Damn your baby is ugly' Even if that baby is ugly as sin everyone wants to hear the lie 'Oh how cute'.

Learn how to be evasive, learn how to count to 5 and THINK about your next words. Learn the native language, the native phrases and use them.

They don't want to be reminded that their baby is one more hungry mouth on an already over populated planet. They don't want you to tell them 'yeah well actually that 'word' you think that kid is saying isn't really a word, and he isn't that bright because actually he is at the right age to be making that particular sound'. No Earth parent wants to hear their kid is average.

I learned that most of my options are going to offend people. Thus I do not discuss the wonders of eugenics or how much better the species would be if we sterilized a large chunk of the population. Logical or not, people don't want to hear that.

I'm certain that somewhere along the line someone has told you that X subject is very offensive, please shut up. Well Shut-up about it. The subject isn't going to get less offensive the more you talk about it.

In fact I pretty much steer clear from the subject of logic and rational thinking because it annoys the crap out of most Earthlings. Always remember, they are an animal species capable of reason, they are NOT a reasoning animal.

I learned how to avert my penetrating gaze. Yes I have a tendency to focus 210% of my attention on people, I look so closely at them they know I am reading their soul - they do not like that. So I sit there and count to ten in my head and avert my gaze to focus on some other non-interesting thing so I do not unsettle the natives. Count to 5 or ten again, look back at them... Yes its exhausting....

I learned that large complex words scare people. They can't relate to the use of prevaricate which has a specific meaning of 'lie' instead they want it simplified and lumped under the word 'lie'. Apparently if you use those sorts of words it comes off that you are a pompous ass.

I learned that no matter how moronic a person really is, they don't like to be reminded of that. So I keep the word to myself.


Any of that above sound familiar?


I changed how I behave to blend in with the natives. no it didn't happen over night. Yes its a lot of work which frankly annoys me and it would be much easier of the species I deal with would get over their issues and accept my issues.

You have it much easier than I had it. I had to do trial and error, there was no internet to run off to to get a check list of behaviors that Earthlings don't have and which apparently make our species offensive.

There was no Google to Google 'Most Offensive Subjects" https://www.google.com/#psj=1&q=Most+Offensive+Subjects I had to figure those out through trial and error, by bringing up the subject then taking a shitload of hate because someone took offense.

I had to go to a library and search the stacks and card catalog system to find books on the subject of body language. You - well using Google you find: https://www.google.com/#psj=1&q=how+to+r...y+language


There are a lot of Autistic and Aspers in the modern world who adapted and changed, they used their abilities to not just survive and thrive. They did the adapting, they didn't expect the natives to adapt to them.

You cannot and should not expect a lesser intelligent life form to be able to adapt and change to meet your greatness. They are unable to do that - they lack brain cells, they lack IQ points - they lack interest in learning.

Thanks.

[Sylph]

Thanks.

Hey, where's my thanks Mister? T^T

My Post was equally if not more educational and supportive :crying-and-sorry-li

I offered my Tits to you! T^T Not just anyone get's to lay on these puppies...for free xD

I see.... It's because BA is 107 and you have a powerful attraction to older men... well I see how it is :crying-and-sorry-li

I'll rest my head on my own Tits then

[Beaux]

Well....just speaking from what I know about you (strictly from your posts...), I had developed the opinion that you are simply a young know-it-all.....are you absolutely certain that the problems your having are not in some way related to your tendency towards pompous personality attributes...?

[Geminize]

...are you absolutely certain that the problems your having are not in some way related to your tendency towards pompous personality attributes...?

That's pretty harsh, directed at a guy with autism.

Hang in there, Johnny. You've gotten yourself this far. Some people are too tall, some too short, uncoordinated, shy, paranoid, whatever. We all have our challenges, and autism is a big one. It seems to me you are aware of it and are learning how to cope. I'm sure it's frustrating for people around you, but especially for you!

[Woollyhats]

I don't really know why people are not liking you, but I've personally never seen you do anything annoying. You seem down on yourself a lot though.... maybe you could realize some people just aren't going to like you, period. It's not fair, but that's the way life is.

Be happy with the people who do like you.

I think it's awesome to be seeing you here, a close friend of mine is autistic, and he has always inspired me. I would like to see you beat yourself up less.

[southbiochem]

Oh, Arkansota...where can I begin?

Allow me to tell you a thing or 2 about me self. I was diagnosed with Aspergers...always was the weirdest bewteen the already weird, always alienated, always bullyied on..you know...all the standard stuff

I grew to isolate myself even more cause wanting what you seemingly can't have is detrimental to ones mental health...I turned to be angry and resented cause being alone sucks...

At one point I just didn't have the energy to keep that up...to care about what the rest thinks

First Major Point = indiference in the best friend for people like you and me

you WILL be misunderstood, in real life and in the internet, no point in overthinking that. It's hard, but accept it, and move on...

Get up and start doing what your good at...for me it was to be the "mad scientist" persona...excelling at one thing if anything, really does wonders to your self-esteem

Second Major Point: Take advantage of your specific skill set

Once you get those things going, things will get a bit easier..one or more will come to see that

Third Major Point : It's good to be self-conscious about one's flaws and limitations, but don't let it turn to self-terrorism...people can't possibly like you if you don't like yourself..

anyway, best of lucks in overcoming these times, you're young and have plenty of time still to get to a better place in your life!