Advice on getting back the spark
10-31-2013, 04:05 PM
So, ive been in a relationship with this guy for about a year now and I love him with all my heart, It started off like a fairytale, one of those "first kiss" moments and the honeymoon stage was fantastic, he could never take his hands/eyes off me and I could see the love in his eyes.
Since then a lot has happened, I moved out of my parents because of issues with my father, we have gone through a lot of turmoil together, I suffer with bi-polar which strains the relationship when its ugly head surfaces, he had bulimia which I helped him to beat. Things were in a healthy cycle for a while until he moved to Manchester for college, this uprooted me and triggered a severe manic behaviour. I almost resented him for leaving, weeks of heartache/arguments/crying/restlessness directed at him as I have nobody else in my life, my parents are away, and I have friends, but non whom I trust enough to be open with. Also, my friends are his friends too, so I have to be careful about what I say to them because they twist situations as I have found out the hard way. It is difficult to trust him whilst hes out there, but im slowly becoming more accustomed to it, we normally see each other at the weekends or every other weekend when hes not studying and im not working, its been alittle bit of a rollercoaster as my emotions ive swallowed throughout the week usually come to a head then and then we have one good day where we will be intimate. Although, recently, he returned for a week on his half term, we spent basically everyday together, it was effected by him acting shady on the previous week and then the sheer lack of enthusiasm when he saw me broke me, he didn't want to be intimate with me, I had to instigate kissing, he was just shut down, cold and callous, because of this I was in a bad mental state which also effected this, I didn't feel wanted which triggered great self esteem and self worth issues due to past situations I would rather not broadcast. He was originally a bottom, as am I, he took the role of being the top, although we do alternate occasionally, before he had left, he seemed to have settled in the top role, but recently has started showing signs of being a bottom, grinding his bum in the air, a change in cuddling, a change in his whole demeanour... etc. but I don't like this as I want a man to be dominant (not extremely) but I like my man to hold me like a prize and pull me in and keep me safe, especially when he's topped me, I don't want to have to cradle him like a baby after! also, I don't really feel comfortable being a top as its not my forte, it also plays on my mind that im just going to get him going and send him back to Manchester wanting bigger and better. I don't know what to do, I have considered just going for it, hoping for the best and trying to please him as much as I can, but what do you suggest. I want to get that flare back, where we could sit in a dark room for hours in silence just lost in each others eyes and bodies, be able to when he could hold a conversation and we could communicate! I just want the excitement, passion and upmost, my boyfriend back, I want him to want me too
he says he does, and that he loves me, but things are deteriorating and I was wondering if there were any motions I could put in place to fix the problems, put the spice back and make him admire me. any advice?
Since then a lot has happened, I moved out of my parents because of issues with my father, we have gone through a lot of turmoil together, I suffer with bi-polar which strains the relationship when its ugly head surfaces, he had bulimia which I helped him to beat. Things were in a healthy cycle for a while until he moved to Manchester for college, this uprooted me and triggered a severe manic behaviour. I almost resented him for leaving, weeks of heartache/arguments/crying/restlessness directed at him as I have nobody else in my life, my parents are away, and I have friends, but non whom I trust enough to be open with. Also, my friends are his friends too, so I have to be careful about what I say to them because they twist situations as I have found out the hard way. It is difficult to trust him whilst hes out there, but im slowly becoming more accustomed to it, we normally see each other at the weekends or every other weekend when hes not studying and im not working, its been alittle bit of a rollercoaster as my emotions ive swallowed throughout the week usually come to a head then and then we have one good day where we will be intimate. Although, recently, he returned for a week on his half term, we spent basically everyday together, it was effected by him acting shady on the previous week and then the sheer lack of enthusiasm when he saw me broke me, he didn't want to be intimate with me, I had to instigate kissing, he was just shut down, cold and callous, because of this I was in a bad mental state which also effected this, I didn't feel wanted which triggered great self esteem and self worth issues due to past situations I would rather not broadcast. He was originally a bottom, as am I, he took the role of being the top, although we do alternate occasionally, before he had left, he seemed to have settled in the top role, but recently has started showing signs of being a bottom, grinding his bum in the air, a change in cuddling, a change in his whole demeanour... etc. but I don't like this as I want a man to be dominant (not extremely) but I like my man to hold me like a prize and pull me in and keep me safe, especially when he's topped me, I don't want to have to cradle him like a baby after! also, I don't really feel comfortable being a top as its not my forte, it also plays on my mind that im just going to get him going and send him back to Manchester wanting bigger and better. I don't know what to do, I have considered just going for it, hoping for the best and trying to please him as much as I can, but what do you suggest. I want to get that flare back, where we could sit in a dark room for hours in silence just lost in each others eyes and bodies, be able to when he could hold a conversation and we could communicate! I just want the excitement, passion and upmost, my boyfriend back, I want him to want me too
he says he does, and that he loves me, but things are deteriorating and I was wondering if there were any motions I could put in place to fix the problems, put the spice back and make him admire me. any advice?
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