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11-07-2013, 07:19 AM

I would just ask "What are you looking for in this relationship?", and wait for his answer. I'd rather be brutally honest than to get all stressed out trying to say something perfectly. It's not worth all that time to figure out a "safe" way to ask, the question is simple. Does he want you for a long long time, or is this just another temporally fix?

11-07-2013, 10:41 PM

Lycanthropist Wrote:Good to know I'm not the only one! I have come to realize that the more a person says they detest drama, the more they are steeped in it whether self manufactured or from outside influences. I also tend to attract the ones that are driven to homosexuality by women, only to drive them right back to the other side. Or I get the unemployed users, losers, and substance abusers.

To the OP, a lot of people will run as soon as they sense a bit of pressure from someone, so perhaps just give it some time and see where it goes. Or if you really must see what condition Schrodinger's cat is in, go for it!

Im unemployed, but not by choice. Dont do drugs or "drink like a fish". Although I suppose I am a loser.

I know what you mean about the two-faced liars. All the people who preach to me they hate drama, are ALWAYS the ones living on stage, being the center of drama city, and starting all the big ass drama scenes.

Same goes for anything else too....like big, hairy "daddy" looking men emailing you that they are SOOOO freeking butch, masculine, and manly. And when you meet them, they are the BIGGEST flaming faggots you have ever met, with high squealing voices that would shatter diamond!!!

Makes my skin crawl.

11-15-2013, 04:20 PM

Okay, I finally have an update to this story.

I met up with this guy last night to get everything out in the open and find out where his head is at. Basically my initial expectation was right - he said he's not really looking for a LTR right now. He says he is still trying to "find himself" as a gay man and I guess at this point he is just not ready for a relationship with a guy and said he doesn't know how he would handle it.

He said he is more interested in friends with benefits. He's currently seeing someone else on a FWB basis but said he doesn't think it will last much longer because he doesn't even really feel that close with him as a friend. He did however say he really enjoys my company and loves hanging out with me, and wants to continue to do so

So basically, I agreed to being in a FWB situation with him. I didn't agree to it right away because the idea kind of worries me. But after giving it a lot of thought I realized that I do like him as a friend... I don't know if I could see myself actually dating him though, at least not at this point. But I figured, as long as neither of us are seriously seeing anybody else, it doesn't really hurt to have a FWB situation with someone I like and trust.

So I don't know. We will see how it all turns out I guess. Is there anybody who had had a FWB before that could maybe give me advice on how to handle it?

11-18-2013, 02:28 AM

Okay, ANOTHER update...

I think he and I have completely different definitions of "friends with benefits".

We went out the other night to a gay bar which is where we typically go when we hang out, because he feels more comfortable being affectionate and stuff towards me in that kind of atmosphere. However (and this was two days after we agreed on being FWB) while we were at the bar he was being EXTRA affectionate towards me. Constantly wanting to kiss me, dance with me, hold my hand, calling me cute/hot, whatever.

I kind of went along with all of it because I admit I enjoyed it. I made an effort not to try and initiate anything with him though because he had just told me a couple days before that he wasn't looking for any kind of long-term or serious relationship. But the way he was acting made me think different.

As usual we ended up at his place to sleep together, but unlike the first several times we hooked up, this time he wanted me to spend the night. Usually we do the deed and go our separate ways before the night is over. But not only did I sleep over at his place, but he then wanted to continue hanging out the following day. We went to the mall together then went to the gym later that night. And every time we were alone he kept wanting to hold my hand.

Now I honestly still don't really know what my feelings are about him. I love hanging out with him but I'm still not sure if I see myself in a relationship with him. But that's beside the point.

Is this normal behavior for someone who just wants to be friends with benefits? He just has been acting very flirty and coupley with me which is just making me even more confused about what he really wants.