I have a strong interest in a 61 year old guy I met online from Evansville, IN. He's nice, he wishes me a good night, he asks me how my classes are going and tells me how his job is going.
How do I ask him if he wants to be my guy? Do I? Does it just happen?
Then, how do I date a guy from 350 miles away?
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You'd have to directly ask him. There's also a reason he's talking to you --- so one of you has to eventually bring up the topic of a relationship. It's easier in that you know he probably wants a relationship of some kind --- unless he truly does want to be just friends, but this is extremely unlikely.
So, noting that, if you want him to be "your guy" you'll have to ask him.
As for the distance, I can't answer that. It's seriously hard to be with someone that lives that far away, and I'd recommend against it. If you're determined I'm sure you'll find a way... but it won't be easy at all.
Edit: You can probably tell I don't really think this is a good idea, but I tried to be as helpful as possible anyway ---- what I do feel like I need to say is be careful, more careful, and then careful some more when dating online. I worry about you because you are going to have difficulty in reading people due to your aspergers, which puts you at risk. Obviously I can't just say "Don't do it", so I won't --- but --- Please take extra precautions --- online dating can lead to difficult situations, so be prepared for them.
Edit 2: I swore. I removed it. I don't usually do that. Oops.
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Online dating.....dangerous and stupid.
Its one thing to be friendly with someone online, its another to think you can know anything about this person without meeting them, or being around them for a long period of time.
The first thing that I would think of someone who was interested in me, is "what a predator", or "what a player". They would have to prove to me that they are a decent human being and someone I can think about trusting.
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DrPhibes Wrote:Online dating.....dangerous and stupid.
Its one thing to be friendly with someone online, its another to think you can know anything about this person without meeting them, or being around them for a long period of time.
The first thing that I would think of someone who was interested in me, is "what a predator", or "what a player". They would have to prove to me that they are a decent human being and someone I can think about trusting.
It's not physically possible for me to date in person because I am not attracted to any gay men in this area.
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Dating someone you meet online is perfectly safe, as long as you take the proper precautions.
In particular, have your first meeting at a public place and at a time where lots of other people are around; use your own transportation to get there; and set up a time beforehand to "check in" with a friend on your cellphone.
Personally, I don't go in for long-distance romances, either. Chances are that there are many more gay guys in your area than you realize.
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Arkansota Wrote:It's not physically possible for me to date in person because I am not attracted to any gay men in this area.
Wow that was fast, you already met every gay man in Arkansas and decided that none of them suit you?
Arkansota Wrote:I have a strong interest in a 61 year old guy I met online from Evansville, IN. He's nice, he wishes me a good night, he asks me how my classes are going and tells me how his job is going.
How do I ask him if he wants to be my guy? Do I? Does it just happen?
Then, how do I date a guy from 350 miles away?
Just because a person is nice to you and asks you nice questions doesn't mean they are a nice person.
What do you think will happen in this 'relationship'? Is there even a potential future where you will give up the Old South to move to Yankee land and become a Yankee?
He is 61 - he is well settled where he is, how great are the chances that he will up and move to Arkansas?
Indefinite long distance relationships just don't work. They rarely work when there is a clear cut deadline for how long the distance will be there - even if you were planning on moving to IN in two years, the chances are very high than in that two years your relationship would come to an end. Distance does not make the heart grow fonder, it makes the heart grow cold.
I think you should seriously contemplate if getting involved beyond internet friends is worth it. If you can't move there and he can't move to where you are then a real relationship will never be in the offering....
Talk to him, see what he thinks.
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forget about it. i know age is just a number. but the guy might be lonely and he messages every young guy online, i get plenty of messages from older, they seem nice, they get your confidence , then ask you to strip at the webcam.
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I'm got really(Dating? I would like to say dating, but I'm waiting for our actual first face-to-face date in Jan, until then, I want to know him more. He's a really interesting person.) close to a person online as well. My opinion is that whatever happens, happens. It's up to you to either trust if the guy you are talking to is saying the truth or not. There's no one way to meet people, and it doesn't matter how you meet him. What matters is what you do with the time you are spending with him. I remember there being pen pals in the old days and people used to just get really close to each other that way and meet. Internet is just another medium to connect people. Just be careful and try to know him better. If you have feeling for this guy, tell him, you will never get the answer until you ask. If you are interested in him, you should just ask a lot of questions to get to know him better. It's not like meeting a guys on the street is safer than meeting a guy on internet. You never know, the next guy you meet on the street could a sociopath and pour hot water on your face and leave you in the basement to die. (This story is actually real.) Or the next guy you chat online could be one of the nicest guys in the world. It's for you to trust and decide. 
Then again, you meet great friends online, and they become one of the best friends that you've ever made. It's not stupid or dangerous if you take proper precautions. It's like meeting people on the street, they could be lying to you and betray you later. The same principles apply to meeting people online and meeting people on the street. You just have to learn how to tell if a person is telling lies or being sincere.
MisterTinkles Wrote:Online dating.....dangerous and stupid.
Its one thing to be friendly with someone online, its another to think you can know anything about this person without meeting them, or being around them for a long period of time.
The first thing that I would think of someone who was interested in me, is "what a predator", or "what a player". They would have to prove to me that they are a decent human being and someone I can think about trusting.
The distance isn't that bad if either of you are willing to relocate. Also, you can use megabus or greyhound to travel 650 miles. It may take half a day, but you have a summer off, or a week off, it's a small distance to travel. There are so many ways you can travel cheaply and safely. Car share is also good one. Just be careful of the people you ride with. Car share is usually very safe and fun, you get to talk about a lot of things with the people inside the car, plus you may make good friends.
Arkansota Wrote:I have a strong interest in a 61 year old guy I met online from Evansville, IN. He's nice, he wishes me a good night, he asks me how my classes are going and tells me how his job is going.
How do I ask him if he wants to be my guy? Do I? Does it just happen?
Then, how do I date a guy from 350 miles away?
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Online dating is very different from normal dating, but it can work, and if you're not naive or careless, it's not dangerous or stupid.
I met my fiance through online dating, our 4 year anniversary is coming up next week. When we first met, I was in Florida and she was in Guam. We met on OkCupid.com
I believe to successfully start a relationship online, the first thing you need to realize is that it's going to be entirely based around personality and communication. Both of you need to be willing to spend a lot of time talking to each other, because that's essentially all you can do. You can't go out to eat or go for a walk...though, if you both have Netflix or know how to download things, then you can both watch the same movies/shows at the same time ^_^
Point is, you have to be willing to talk alot, and be able to trust each other. When you start doubting your partner from such a distance, it can be hard to recover from.
Eventually you'll need to find a way to meet in person. That time-table of "when" the right time is, that's completely up to the 2 of you. For some couples, it's a year, 8 months, it was 4 months for my fiance and I. Heck, when she came to visit me, we both agreed that we didn't want her to go back home yet, so she just didn't because she had no responsibilities waiting on her at the time. Been together in person ever since.
Now, something that does concern me is the vast age difference here. This is a man who's old enough to be your grandfather. He may be legit and lonely and you may have found a connection with him. If that's the case, maybe it's worth going for - Though, that kind of age difference, you may find your relationship taking on more of a father/son sort of aspect, than equal partners. At 19 years old, you still have a lot of growing to do...not just in the sense of responsibility, but in figuring out who you are, what you want to be, who you want to be with.
I don't mean to sound condescending, I am not saying that you're dumb or immature. I just mean that in 10 years, or even 5, you'll be a bit (maybe even very) different than you are now. That might work for this man, and it might not...and conversely, this man may not be what you want in a few years time.
My opinion is that it'd probably be best to keep this relationship platonic.
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I know your 19 and sex is probably on your mind a lot and I know you said you like older guys but there;s a huge age gap...don't dive into the first thing that comes along - you always say great things about where you live but you say you don't find the gay guys attractive where you are ?? have you really looked or tried every avenue = I love when people of different ages hook up..but don't jump in just yet if your not sure
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