Ok so here is the thing. I met this guy via one of the apps and he is a really great guy. We have a lot in common and I really really like him. I'm not like a lot of people who just get in relationships to be in one and I have been single for almost two years now. I'm not sure whether he feels the same towards me or not... it really gets me down to think that he doesn't but I'm unsure as to how I should tell him. Usually it isn't like this for me, I can just tell someone, but this time it is different. I want to tell him but I'm scared out of my mind to tell. Does anyone have any suggestions for me?
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How long have you been seeing him? This will be critical to any advice you get on here.
Are you both still on the app?
ObW
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We've been talking going on about six months now. Also, neither of us are still on the app. He deleted his and I deleted mine shortly after. However, I'm not sure he did that because he met me. He has stated before that he doesn't want a relationship right now. That's why I'm scared to tell him because I don't want him to feel as if I'm trying to push him into something he doesn't want.
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OK, so a couple of things to mention here.
The fact that he has already stated that he's not looking for a relationship is a pretty loud indicator, unless he mentioned this at the start of the relationship and its not been mentioned since.
Have you guys established a friendship outside of any physical relationship yet? If you're just meeting up for sex, then thats a pretty clear indicator that he has no interest in taking things to another level, i.e. Meeting his friends, out socially together etc.
You could try asking him if he would like to hang out, go for a beer/coffee or go see a movie. None of those activities are screaming relationship in his face, but his reaction to the offer, and how the actual date goes will give you a pretty clear indication of whether he is interested in you outside of just sex.
A big mistake would be just asking him outright, you need to explore the boundaries of where the relationship is now, and see if he's interested in pushing the boundaries further.
Are you both out? If he isn't, then that will possibly be a block to any relationship, since its unlikely he will want to introduce you to his group of social friends, although if you are out, you could try inviting him to meet yours and see how that turns out.
So my advice is don't rush into asking him outright about a relationship. Nurture what you have, and push the social boundaries and see how receptive he is.
Good Luck 
ObW
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Pull yourself up by your boot straps and tell him.
Yes I know, fear of rejection is a biggie - fear of being hurt, fear of it all turning to shit.... I get that - I really do.
I would strongly advise that you sit down and come up with a minor speech. If you have to write down a couple paragraphs that you want to say, wait 24 hours read it with as fresh a mind as possible and tweak it to make it less needy and more 'matter of fact'.
There really isn't an easy way to leap over the hurdles in life. We just learn to suck it up and pretend to make it look easy.
I think if you start off with a bit of honesty about what it is you are feeling, and tell him point blank you are not pressuring him to say 'yes' to anything, that it will allow open and honest discussion. Careful not to make up a script in your head. Actors will follow lines, real human beings don't. 
The art of communication in any sort of relationship is discussed on many sites: https://www.google.com/#q=how+to+communi...ur+partner
Read up on these sites. Try to figure out how to approach this particular subject.
Communication appears to be a real relationship killer - well the lack of communication.
Seriously, I have 6 relationships under my belt and it is still scary as all hell to open my mouth and say something - so I still freeze up and remain silent out of fear. What I am saying is that it doesn't get easier with time, nor is there any magical solution - we just 'do it' the best we can.
You will be fine in the end - no matter how this turns out.
Look if he goes ballistic and freaks out - its better to know and have this end now - it may not seem like it, but it is better to have a real end to this than to go on and on with false hope.
The positive potential is that he will respond warmly. And from what you have said it appears that that potential exists.
Oh - and good luck.... break a leg, whatever is appropriate here.
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OlderButWiser Wrote:OK, so a couple of things to mention here.
The fact that he has already stated that he's not looking for a relationship is a pretty loud indicator, unless he mentioned this at the start of the relationship and its not been mentioned since.
Have you guys established a friendship outside of any physical relationship yet? If you're just meeting up for sex, then thats a pretty clear indicator that he has no interest in taking things to another level, i.e. Meeting his friends, out socially together etc.
You could try asking him if he would like to hang out, go for a beer/coffee or go see a movie. None of those activities are screaming relationship in his face, but his reaction to the offer, and how the actual date goes will give you a pretty clear indication of whether he is interested in you outside of just sex.
A big mistake would be just asking him outright, you need to explore the boundaries of where the relationship is now, and see if he's interested in pushing the boundaries further.
Are you both out? If he isn't, then that will possibly be a block to any relationship, since its unlikely he will want to introduce you to his group of social friends, although if you are out, you could try inviting him to meet yours and see how that turns out.
So my advice is don't rush into asking him outright about a relationship. Nurture what you have, and push the social boundaries and see how receptive he is.
Good Luck
ObW
X
We're not physical haha. The furthest thing was I get walked to my truck when I leave and a hug. However, when he said that he wasn't looking for anything that was at the beginning of our friendship. Which, we go out in public together a lot and he is out. As far as social friends he really doesn't have any, and neither do I. We spend quite a bit of time together and we also buy each other gifts. I've spent quite a bit of money on him but I enjoy it haha.
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Bowyn Aerrow Wrote:Pull yourself up by your boot straps and tell him.
Yes I know, fear of rejection is a biggie - fear of being hurt, fear of it all turning to shit.... I get that - I really do.
I would strongly advise that you sit down and come up with a minor speech. If you have to write down a couple paragraphs that you want to say, wait 24 hours read it with as fresh a mind as possible and tweak it to make it less needy and more 'matter of fact'.
There really isn't an easy way to leap over the hurdles in life. We just learn to suck it up and pretend to make it look easy.
I think if you start off with a bit of honesty about what it is you are feeling, and tell him point blank you are not pressuring him to say 'yes' to anything, that it will allow open and honest discussion. Careful not to make up a script in your head. Actors will follow lines, real human beings don't.
Read up on these sites. Try to figure out how to approach this particular subject.
Communication appears to be a real relationship killer - well the lack of communication.
Seriously, I have 6 relationships under my belt and it is still scary as all hell to open my mouth and say something - so I still freeze up and remain silent out of fear. What I am saying is that it doesn't get easier with time, nor is there any magical solution - we just 'do it' the best we can.
You will be fine in the end - no matter how this turns out.
Look if he goes ballistic and freaks out - its better to know and have this end now - it may not seem like it, but it is better to have a real end to this than to go on and on with false hope.
The positive potential is that he will respond warmly. And from what you have said it appears that that potential exists.
Oh - and good luck.... break a leg, whatever is appropriate here.
See that is my normal approach to a situation is to just tell him. I did the whole planning out what I was going to say thing one time and then when I went to tell him I froze up and had to come up with a joke on the fly to keep myself out of it. I think he knows that I like him however, he hasn't mentioned anything about it. Maybe it's a time thing. I just hate to wait to long and him end up get ready to date someone and go for someone else, that would hurt.
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Maybe he thinks that way because he was hurt in the past or doesn't really think that he'll find someone who's worth it. If you really like him, forget about the word 'scared'. Don't be scared to make a move. I'm not saying you should make a move and try to get in his pants. Other guys are right. I don't know ask him out for a drink, whatever you wanna suggest. I'm guessing that you guys didn't spend enough time, how do you know for sure that he's never gonna change his mind? Feelings change, opinions, personalities... I'm sure that he doesn't care about leaving the house spending time out or not he already doesn't want a relationship.. You know you like him and want more. Well you gotta do something about him. Impress him, why be scared? c: Have some confidence.
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Apologies, I mis interpreted your initial post and assumed there was already an established physical relationship.
How about this then. Suggest a movie that you would both like. Maybe go for dinner first, or a few drinks. Get a seat at the back, and just hold hands or something (Im not saying be sexual LoL) Just kind of get used to the idea of more than a goodbye hug. Good old romance really does wonders you know
Be wary of spending too money much on him though - that could cut things either way, and also make him feel uncomfortable.
Do you know if he has been with a guy before (you don't mention his age) or have you?
Shyness and feeling awkward about making the first move is classic for someone with little or no experience. If your also inexperienced, then your both waiting for the other to make the move, and that aint going to happen anytime soon.
As Yoyo says, just have a little confidence in yourself and your abilities and take it from there.
Good Luck!
ObW
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Do you really want to be in a one-sided relationship? Buying stuff for someone who clearly doesn't want to be what you want him to be? Do you want to be always wondering how he really feels about you?
Well, there's a way you can find out. Tell him how you feel about him, it's been six months so it's not like you're rushing in to anything! I don't think there's any way you can be thought of as clingy or needy after six months.
If he doesn't want what you want then at least you'll know and you can divert your energies in to finding someone who's at the same level as you.
What's the worst that can happen? You'll know where you stand with him.
Go for it, and good luck!
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