Kay so I kind of over-estimated how accepting mother would be about being gay.
I don't really know what to think now, I think... it might be okay but I'm not sure.
Basically she was very Chinese about it, and just tagged on the end of every sentence that she was okay with it.
She said that she'd prefer that I weren't, because every mother wants an easier life for their child or something like that.
And basically it's just how Chinese people view it, she didn't know what happened that made gay and I didn't really have the language skills to explain.
And did that thing other people do where they say 'how do you know if you've never been with a girl'.
I can't say it was the most pleasant thing ever... but at least I didn't get kicked out I guess.
I dunno, it was just very Chinese. I think it's okay though, I hope so at least.
But she did say that the rest of my family in China probably won't ever accept this.
*BTW remember that racist ass hole at her work. She said that he used to insult me behind my back and she put that into the complaint as well. I hope he gets what he deserves*
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Congratulations on your coming out to mum 
Whether it ends up good or bad, it takes guts to do at your age.
Give it a few days, and she will be asking your opinion when she goes clothes shopping :-P
ObW
X
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She sounds like a typical mother.
Good mothers are never shocked about something their kids tell them. Mainly because they already know. I mean, really....you got through high school with NO girlfriend and NO dates. Im sure she figured that out a long time ago.
She's probably just glad you are ok, but scared knowing what happens to a lot of kids. She's probably just thinking of your safety more than just wanting you to find a date with a girl.
She didnt freak out, so you are doing good. She may have her strict Chinese ways she would like to uphold, but Im sure she knows its a different world out there. She's probably more scared that something will happen to you than anything else. Regardless of "gay" or "straight"....thats the way good mothers are.
From what you have told us about her in the past, I think she doesnt really care or possibly that its something you might "out grow". Either way, she may be strict sometimes, but Im sure thats because she is a single parent. (I think....you never mentioned a father).
I wouldnt worry about it. I think she's good as long as you are safe and happy.
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MisterTinkles Wrote:She sounds like a typical mother.
Good mothers are never shocked about something their kids tell them. Mainly because they already know. I mean, really....you got through high school with NO girlfriend and NO dates. Im sure she figured that out a long time ago.
She's probably just glad you are ok, but scared knowing what happens to a lot of kids. She's probably just thinking of your safety more than just wanting you to find a date with a girl.
She didnt freak out, so you are doing good. She may have her strict Chinese ways she would like to uphold, but Im sure she knows its a different world out there. She's probably more scared that something will happen to you than anything else. Regardless of "gay" or "straight"....thats the way good mothers are.
From what you have told us about her in the past, I think she doesnt really care or possibly that its something you might "out grow". Either way, she may be strict sometimes, but Im sure thats because she is a single parent. (I think....you never mentioned a father).
I wouldnt worry about it. I think she's good as long as you are safe and happy.
Oh my god that was really insightful. o.o I didn't know you knew that much about me.
Thanks for that really, I'm pretty convinced now that that's what it is.
That was actually such wisdom. :-) Thanks
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I told my parents. They needed time to digest it. Fortunately I don't live with them anymore so it's probably tougher for you.
A couple weeks after telling them they invited me out to dinner. I accepted and it went as well as expected. The food was good and my dad asked if it was something they did that made me gay. My mom said there were places could go to get help and could email me the websites. As though it was a sickness or something. I told them it wasn't anything they did and I wasn't sick. Just coming to terms with myself. She said if I ever change my mind to let her know.
A few weeks after that I took them and my boyfriend out to dinner. I want everyone to get along since they are all important parts of my life. My mom took it as an opportunity to tell my boyfriend that he could get help and God didn't approve of our lifestyle. The food was good again at least.
They aren't bad parents. Just misguided. The fact they still interact with me and my boyfriend is a good sign. We are all going to meet for Thanksgiving dinner so I expect some awkwardness, but we will all be together.
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Well, Chinese or not (and forgive me for my lack of knowledge about the Chinese family traditions and structure), she sounds like any other mom out there  mile:
In the end you're far away from those relatives who will not be Ok with it, and now you're free to love your live in a friendly environment..
Congratulations on your braveness and courage mile:
Oh, and I'm glad that nasty guy gets what he deserves
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Beau Wrote:I told my parents. They needed time to digest it. Fortunately I don't live with them anymore so it's probably tougher for you.
A couple weeks after telling them they invited me out to dinner. I accepted and it went as well as expected. The food was good and my dad asked if it was something they did that made me gay. My mom said there were places could go to get help and could email me the websites. As though it was a sickness or something. I told them it wasn't anything they did and I wasn't sick. Just coming to terms with myself. She said if I ever change my mind to let her know.
A few weeks after that I took them and my boyfriend out to dinner. I want everyone to get along since they are all important parts of my life. My mom took it as an opportunity to tell my boyfriend that he could get help and God didn't approve of our lifestyle. The food was good again at least.
They aren't bad parents. Just misguided. The fact they still interact with me and my boyfriend is a good sign. We are all going to meet for Thanksgiving dinner so I expect some awkwardness, but we will all be together.
At least they are TRYING!
I mean with all the bad things parents have done to other kids, I think you have it easy compared to them.
As long as they are open minded enough to talk about it/deal with it....regardless of what they think about it....you are doing ok.
One day they will realize that they love you, not some label that their religion or society has put on you.
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Lilitu Wrote:Oh my god that was really insightful. o.o I didn't know you knew that much about me.
Thanks for that really, I'm pretty convinced now that that's what it is.
That was actually such wisdom. :-) Thanks
Well, I would be a pretty crappy friend (online or not) if I didn't pay attention to the important things you say!!!
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This is for everybody out there who is dealing with this type of situation, or may have it coming up in the future....
Good parents love their kids unconditionally, even though they have fallen into the trap of having labels put on their kids and expecting things from them that will never happen.
Good parents are never shocked by what you tell them, because if they are paying attention to your life, your friends, your ways of doing things....they pretty much already know. They may not want to admit it to themselves, but they know.
As far as "coming out" to parents is concerned, its always something scary. Good parents get scared regardless. For one, you are growing up and becoming an adult. Scary because you are not their little "baby" anymore. Your values and outlook on life is changing, as is the way you think and act. Scary because parents are used to the "you" that they raised, not the "you" that is becoming an adult. They dont know who this adult version of "you" is. They dont know what to do, what to say, or how to act anymore. They get yelled at, called "old people", told that they "dont understand", and a lot of other things. They understand, because they went through the same type of situation growing up, but this is dealing with YOU not THEM. So, this again, is scary to them.
Now we bring in all the outside influences - hate, murder, drugs, sex, etc... Scary in itself. Good parents know they have to let you grow up, but they dont like it. Its a scary thing to NOT know whats going on in your kids life.
Now we add personal traits, habits, and beliefs of the parents. Good parents HOPE that everything will turn out "normal" for their kids. Which, whether they admit it or not, they know for a fact will probably not happen. Scary. Good parents hope that they have done a well enough job raising you, that you know right from wrong and can use your common sense and brains out there in the real world. They also have the expectations that they will get something from you, as a result of being good parents - a happy marriage and grandkids are usually the things they expect most.
So when good parents seemed overly concerned or think they might be able to change your ways (gay or not), then you have to realize what they are feeling is just a little bit of everything. And depending on the type of parents they are, they may have been expecting grandkids and are a bit sad because they realize that isnt going to happen now that you told them you are gay. Other parents may feel that safety is the big issue, not grandkids. They hear all these stories about what happens to a lot of kids who "come out" and get real scared for your safety (although they will never admit that). And good parents ALWAYS feel guilty when their kids tell them something that (even if they have always known it) is not "normal...and its their fault somehow.
So, what can you do?
Well, really, all you can do is try to understand why they are concerned. Try to get them to understand you are just you. They raised a decent human being, they taught you right from wrong, and how to treat others well.
If parents think they did something "wrong", then name ten things they got "right" with you.
If parents think that being gay is wrong, then get them to understand its just a human trait. Like blond hair, green eyes, being male, or being female. Get them to see they raised a decent human being. Try to get all the good that they HAVE done for you in their lives to outweigh their thinking that "gay" is a bad thing.
Will it work? Who knows. All you can do is work through it with them.
Kids dont realize that their parents are just people. Like when your parents were trying to get you to understand the difference between right and wrong when you were little........it took time for you to grasp the concepts.
Same with you "coming out". You have to explain it to them, answer their questions, and give them time to grasp the concepts of what you are telling them. Good parents will learn. Even if they dont like it, they will learn.
What other choice do they have? Lose you? Good parents NEVER want that.
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Well done pleased for you, sure it,ll take a bit of time your mum to get her head around it and she loves you very much, hardest bit is over... well actually theres no other bits. 
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So this happened
