Implications of coming out bisexual?

[delfi08]

Hello, my name's Delfi, I'm a 23 year old bisexual man in the US Army. I've always known that I was attracted to both men and women, but have never told a soul. This is due largely to my rationalizing that I can easily hide my bisexuality, by being open with my heterosexual relationships and hiding the gay ones. However, I have tried this up to now and it just isn't a satisfying way to live. The other factor in my reasoning is that I'm afraid that by coming out bisexual I will never be able to have a serious relationship without my partner, whether male or female, feeling that I'm not "all in" with them either sexually or emotionally. Ultimately I may want to have kids someday if I end up settling down with a woman and I'm terrified that no woman will want to commit with a bisexual man. I've never known anyone who was openly bisexual, so I really don't know what to expect as far as how people may treat me. Does anyone have any experience they can share with this?

I want to clarify here that I am not at all ashamed of being bisexual, I'm happy with the person that I am. I am confident and have no concern about what friends, my parents, or my fellow soldiers will think. Don't get me wrong, I know there will be some very uncomfortable turbulence, especially with my army comrades, but I'm not afraid to brave that storm if it means quitting this cloak and dagger game with my sexuality. The reasons mentioned above are the primary things preventing me from coming out and I'm really stuck.

Incidentally, my Dad already knows, thanks to some poor internet history scrubbing when I was in high school. He confronted me, told me that he loved me and hugged me. He then proceeded to tell me that we are going to "beat this thing" and that he will sit down and pray with me everyday until God makes it go away. This hurt and horrified me to no end, especially since I hadn't yet come out as an atheist either... so in my weakness I swiftly told him that I like girls too, which patched up the incident for the time being and we have been sailing in a very leaky ship ever since (with him convincing himself that I'm really straight). This experience of very minimal acceptance from my dad, whom I love dearly and couldn't stand being shunned by, essentially swept any ideas of coming out from my mind until now. Since then my mother has actually asked me if I'm gay, which surprised me because no one has ever suspected this before (and I know my Dad didn't spill the beans). I told her no, acting somewhat annoyed. That all happened in high school when I was much more insecure than I am now.

Now I am wondering what my friends are going to think, especially the friends of 14 years or more, when I finally tell them that I'm bi. Will they feel betrayed, like I never trusted in our friendship enough to reveal this huge part of my life?

I'm desperate for some helpful advice and reassurance. I want to come out, but I just can't push myself over the edge. I think it would be minutely easier if I were gay instead of bi, then I wouldn't feel like I were leaving everyone in eternal doubt of my sexuality. But the fact is that I'm definitely bi. Help =/

[southbiochem]

Welcome to GS, first and foremost..

As for coming out..doesn't really matter if your bi or gay: some people are going to be Ok with it and some will be upset or angry about it..

the patterns are easy..Army dudes and religious freaks are not going to be ok with it, this you know..although, this is generalizing...people may suprise you.

the ones who will stick to you, will prove to be your real friends..and there will be people who will always stick to you

Also: being bi doesn't mean you won't put 100% into a relationship...you commit to a person, not their gender, so acknowledging yourself as a bi man, has nothing wrong to it

As for the dad: ignore him...unless he becomes violent. If it's just a mater of trying to "pray the gay away" then ignore him...I know it can be painfull cause...well, its your dad..but you don't need that kind of nonsense in your life...avoid the subject, leave him be, let him have his religious twisted thinking..nothing to do about that.

If he comes around, he comes around..if he doesn't...oh well *shrug*, one can learn to live with it without stop loving them.

If you're in the Army and you are 23, you can be somewhat independent by now, hence, not obligated to answer to your folks anymore..it's time for you to think about what's best for you.

Do come out only if you feel comfortable about it...do it with a close friend first, someone you know for a fact that will be Ok with it...then, the rest should come easy.

Best of luck

[MrMcFreely]

I will be honest I have a short attention span so I didn't read all of what you wrote. Nothing personal, that's on me. Anyways you will find a woman that can except you for being BI. I'm married and my wife knows but that's it.

[Woollyhats]

No offense, but...

1. Doesn't matter what your parents think, esp. when financially independent.
2. If you're open to women you're with, you'll find one that doesn't mind that you're bi (many women won't mind).
3. Always stress that you're in love with your current partner.

Then it shouldn't matter.

One note; you could settle down with a man too. Think surrogates and/or adoption....just something that struck out... I understand if a man is what you don't want to settle down with a man, but I take note when someone says that gay = can't have children