Holiday Blues

[Dreamer]

During this time of year I tend to get severely depressed, borderline suicidal.


Thanksgiving in November, Christmas in December, and my Birthday in January.


These are my least favorite months of the year.


I do my best to be cheery; gloating in happiness and glee,
but it doesn't come naturally,
and is very hard to achieve.


I don't know if it's my loneliness at hand,
reminding me how these days are normally supposed to be spent:
with friends and family around a table,
laughing, bonding, and creating new great memories
that should last a lifetime.


Instead, I'll be here with my alcoholic mother,
in our trashy ghetto home,
low lit and gloomy,
in silence,
with a failed attempt in make a worthy holiday feast.


Or it could be past traumatic events that have occurred
in the recent past around this time-frame,
poking at my brain and heart


Being robbed by acquaintances/friends;a new friend/potential lover who I'd spent Thanksgiving with at his family's home, who'd killed himself on the phone with me, shortly after Christmas, and died a few days before my birthday, one he'd planned to come down to spend with me and make it grand;my mother being assaulted by my father and him being arrested for it on my Birthday (he still sits in prison today).


The list goes on... it's as if these months only pull in shitty occurrences
to further bruise my spirit.


I get flashbacks from such events,
and it makes things so much worse...


Up until I was a teen,
I used to go to a close family friend's house for every of those three months to celebrate each event,
she was my grandmother essentially,
but has since cut us off
and disappeared after going through her own personal issues.


I don't know if I'm seeking advice on how to overcome this yearly fog,
or just venting... blah..

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I feel for you on all of that...

I try to take stuff with a grain... high grain alcohol.... :biggrin:

Try to find humor in everything. Yes laughing on the way to your execution will not be understood by lesser intelligent lifeforms - but laughing at 'shit' makes it easier to cope with it.

That's pretty much I got to give in the way of 'dealing with' and 'coping' with 'crap'...

If it helps life changes with time... you will have better years.

[Jovial]

I can empathize with you as well.

I can’t really think of any advice, though talking about it as you have may alleviate the blues to some extent.

Keep your chin up, you always have GS.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

I think the worst thing is the loneliness of having no one to talk to or interact with over the holidays.

Have you thought about volunteering as a way of at least meeting people, even if only to have some interaction for a few hours a few days a week? Everyone has something they can give through volunteering, maybe you just need to find yours.

And if all else fails, come in the chat room here, there is always someone you can strike up a conversation with if your feeling low.


ObW
X

[Miles]

[southbiochem]

well, you have very tangible reasons for what happens to you on these dates..



I myself do go below the "red line" of mood, do to issues of my own, but nevermind that, I think it's the fact that you"have to be happy" on these particular days what's most detrimental, because you cannot have the freedom to be upset...

that is the single most important reason I hate those Holidays..

Remember, overall, to be with that mother of yours, it's company..you don't have to force yourself to be cheerful..

and you have THIS particularly large family here for comfort mile:

OBW suggested something good in volunteering

as for the anything, Feel free to vent here as much as you want

[NerdyGiant23]

I may not really know you but I wish you nothing but the best. I hope someday you can enjoy the holidays with a smile on your face and your head held high, creating happier memories along the way. I can't begin to imagine the pain that those memories bring to you, but I hope that one day things get better.

Again, I wish you nothing but the best

[MisterTinkles]

As I have stated in other posts, Ive never really been a "holidays-ee" person. I like Halloween, but thats about it. I only ever "did" holidays in the past cause of my granny. But she's not around anymore...so I couldnt care less.


The time of year I HATE is February. All that lovey-dovey, love/love/love shit, and holding hands going on because of Valentines Day. Makes me wanna hurl!!! I get SO freeking sick, literally, of all this "love" shit being shoved in my face on TV, movies, the radio, advertisements.......I get depressed from all that shit.
Makes me wanna go all Jeff Dahmer on those douches.

[xzeik]

During this time of year I tend to get severely depressed, borderline suicidal.


Thanksgiving in November, Christmas in December, and my Birthday in January.


These are my least favorite months of the year.

I know how you feel. It's a very lonely time season for me as well as my birthday also being in January (Aquarian power)... Then we must endure February's Valentine's Day as well! We are such tortured souls...

The cold nights don't help the loneliness either. I just want to cuddle! Is that too much to ask?


I would tell you that it'll be okay & you'll find happiness soon, but truth is, sometimes I like brooding. I don't want someone to try to put me in a good mood, I want them to be miserable with me >;D