I need help.very confused!!!!

[martinireland]

Hi

Im very confused and frustrated & dont know what to do.

2 years ago i joined the gym to lose weight. My first week there i was up in the gym and could see down into the pool area. I noticed a guy that i thought was pretty cute!!we will call him john. It took me a few months to pluck up the courage to talk to him and i eventually did. I knew by him immediately that he was gay. I hadnt told him i was gay.
We became friends but never hung out outside of the gym. One day he told me he was going out that night and he invited me. I went. We ended up goin to a club together. He went off and i went off and that was the end of that.
Couple of weeks later i was out and i text him asking him if he was coming out. He wasnt in town so i said oh right i will see u tomorrow. I got really drunk that night and drunk text him for most of the night!!!! The next day at the gym i was so embarrassed!!!!!! He asked me if i liked him. I told him i did. Im not out so that was a huge step for me to tell him that. I thought he would tell me he was gay too. He told me he was straight. He said its ok to fancy a straight guy.

So a few weeks later i was out and he introduced me to a friend of his. He told me he was trying to set me and his friend up. Nothin happened that night because i left early. But the next day at the gym, he told me that his friend really liked me and wants to meet up with me.
He told me this every day for 2 weeks. His friend text me telling me im cute etc. so we arranged to meet up. He told me that john had told him to lead me on. He also told me that the 2 of them only met a month earlier and they are together!!! This really hurt!! John knew j liked him. So the next day i confronted john at the gym but he denied it all. I told him if he is gay, its ok he can tell me. Im not out either so we are both in the same situation.

After that, he would only talk to me occasionally. Me and his friend became friends. Then he stopped talking to me too...they both stopped talking to me.
Months passed. One night i saw them out and i asked john why he stopped talking to me. He told me i was going around telling people that me and him were together!!!!! I NEVER dud that!!!!!!!!!!!! Besides, i couldnt because that sould mean outing myself too!!
I told him i would never ever do that. I considered him a friend and i liked him so i would never do anything to hurt him. But he didnt believe me. Anyway, they broke up and me and the friend became friends. He told me that john was always talking about me and seemed to hate me and he didnt know why.

That was a year ago. He still doesnt talk to me. I go to the gym and we just ignore eachother completely.

Last friday night i was out. He came over to me and sat beside me and chatted to me for ages.
We talked about everything and j thought he finally believed me. He asked me if i wanted to walk home with him because we live in the same direction. Anyway we were walking along and he told me that he is gay and likes me. And we kissed for ages. Passionately. We went back to his place etc

The next day, i text him and he ignored my text. So i rext him the next day and again, he ignored my text. I text him again asking him why is he ignoring me? I thought we were okay now after what happened. I think he still doesnt believe that i never lued about him and yet he was with me friday. I thought we were ok

I dunno how much more of this i can take. I REALLY like him!!!!!!
But i dont want to beg him to talk to me. I dont want to seem desperate.
I just know we could have something there because neither of us are out and he could trust me. Im so confused. If he doesnt like me why was he with me?
What should i do? Should i try to talk to him? Or should i just aboid him? I have avoided him the past year and had moved on, but then friday happened! And it was ALL him!!! He approached me!!!
What should i do??

[jimcrackcorn]

Let me get this straight in my head; this guy sleeps with you and then immediately stops all contact with you..

Sounds like he only wanted a one-night-stand,,,,,, and now he's moving on to his next conquest.

Don't waste any more of your time on this guy, he's not interested in a relationship.

[Woollyhats]

He sounds like an asshole. Seriously, why do you even want that kind of stress in your life?

[martinireland]

I dont want this stress. I had moved on for over a year now....but he brought back all the feelings i had for him... And it hurts even more this time

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Hi Martin and to the forum. You've come to the right place to get some advice.

So everything you have talked about has occurred over the past two years? Im not surprised your frustrated and confused by the whole episode. Let me try and break this into more bite sized chunks.

2 years ago i joined the gym to lose weight. My first week there i was up in the gym and could see down into the pool area. I noticed a guy that i thought was pretty cute!!we will call him john.

Congratulations on taking that step to start with, it can be a very intimidating place to begin with and the fact that your still going is great. Gyms also (in my experience) have a high % of gay members and/or cute guys, so your in a good place to interact with straight or gay guys and build up a social network.

I got really drunk that night and drunk text him for most of the night!!!!

We've all done this at some point! But the fact that he responded to your texts and didn't discourage you from texting him (drunk or not) I would have taken as a positive sign.

The next day at the gym i was so embarrassed!!!!!! He asked me if i liked him. I told him i did. Im not out so that was a huge step for me to tell him that. I thought he would tell me he was gay too. He told me he was straight. He said its ok to fancy a straight guy.

Wow, you went back and talked to him the next day! Quite frankly that takes some guts. That he said he was straight, regardless of what you thought, was a clear sign that he's not into you sexually. I think he was trying not to hurt your feelings by rejecting you.

So a few weeks later i was out and he introduced me to a friend of his. He told me he was trying to set me and his friend up. Nothin happened that night because i left early. But the next day at the gym, he told me that his friend really liked me and wants to meet up with me.
He told me this every day for 2 weeks. His friend text me telling me im cute etc. so we arranged to meet up. He told me that john had told him to lead me on. He also told me that the 2 of them only met a month earlier and they are together!!!

This is where things start to get complicated. If someone lead me on like this, I would not only have been upset, I would probably have ignored any future contact as I couldn't trust them.

they broke up and me and the friend became friends. He told me that john was always talking about me and seemed to hate me and he didnt know why.

That was a year ago. He still doesnt talk to me. I go to the gym and we just ignore eachother completely.

Last friday night i was out. He came over to me and sat beside me and chatted to me for ages.
We talked about everything and j thought he finally believed me. He asked me if i wanted to walk home with him because we live in the same direction. Anyway we were walking along and he told me that he is gay and likes me. And we kissed for ages. Passionately. We went back to his place etc

The next day, i text him and he ignored my text. So i rext him the next day and again, he ignored my text. I text him again asking him why is he ignoring me? I thought we were okay now after what happened. I think he still doesnt believe that i never lued about him and yet he was with me friday. I thought we were ok

So basically he ignores you for a year, then out of the blue approaches you on a night out, starts up a conversation tells you he's gay and you both end up sleeping together.

i text him and he ignored my text. So i rext him the next day and again, he ignored my text. I text him again asking him why is he ignoring me? I thought we were okay now after what happened. I think he still doesnt believe that i never lued about him and yet he was with me friday. I thought we were ok

Im afraid this is a classic indication that he's not that into you. It was a one night stand, and nothing more than that as far as he's concerned.

I dunno how much more of this i can take. I REALLY like him!!!!!!
But i dont want to beg him to talk to me. I dont want to seem desperate.
I just know we could have something there because neither of us are out and he could trust me. Im so confused. If he doesnt like me why was he with me?
What should i do? Should i try to talk to him? Or should i just aboid him? I have avoided him the past year and had moved on, but then friday happened! And it was ALL him!!! He approached me!!!
What should i do??

You should chalk this one up to experience and change gyms. Its pretty clear he's not into you. If you continue to think otherwise, you will become that crazy obsessive stalker that people talk about!

Seriously though, what you're experiencing is not that unusual. He's the first person you've came out to, you've had a one night stand with him, and you think he may be "the one". There is a very high likelihood that given the fact he jumped into bed with you on the first night, he was only interested in a one hight stand. As far as he's concerned that was it.

My best advice to you is try and move on and find someone else. If you see him at the gym be polite if you want to, but don't go out of your way to engage with him.

Rejection is never easy to deal with, especially if your really into the other guy, but you need to move on. Chalk this one up to experience and have the confidence to go out and meet someone else. Do not stress yourself out over it!!!!



Good Luck.

ObW

[xzeik]

Yeah, why would you want that kind of stress in your life? It sounds like the whole experience has been more negative than positive... I'd just forget about him...

You said it brought up old feelings? What feelings? You barely even had a friendship with him before all of the drama started. You couldn't have possibly known him long enough to establish any kind of real feelings worth worrying about.

Move on. You'll be happier.

[MisterTinkles]

Short answer......

He's a piece of shit. A liar, a cheat, a fraud, a user.
Forget him and his "friend". You dont need that shit.

If it bothers you that much....find another gym.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

He told me that john had told him to lead me on. He also told me that the 2 of them only met a month earlier and they are together!!! This really hurt!!

I would have stopped at the point where he set me up with his then current lover for chits and giggles.

Anything beyond that point he did to you you ALLOWED him to do. Up to this point it is reasonable enough to be the 'victim' helpless to stop a good deal of what he did to you.

Once the hand was shown, once you got a good long look at how ugly this guy really is you should have walked away and never look back.

Im so confused. If he doesnt like me why was he with me?

Because he knows at the end of the day you will return to get abused again and again. And apparently you like it to keep going back for more.

He is abusing you, and evidently having a lot of fun with that since he was willing and able to wait a whole year to really drive the knife deep.

Oh he will return, one day when he is bored and his balls need something convenient to be emptied into. He will continue to use and abuse you, play with your emotions and do all manner of things as long as you allow it.

I don't know how much evidence you need to figure out this guy doesn't love you, but eventually it you will figure out that nothing he has done has been very loving, and a lot of it is downright cruel, malicious and vicious.

Setting you up with his own partner to yank your chain - that's beyond 'just a joke' that is vicious, clearly with the intent to rip your heart to shreds - and you still love him - still want him?

I'm sorry if any of his sounds harsh. However you are setting yourself up for a world of hurt and if you do it once you most likely will do it again and with other guys.

I get you have self esteem issues (I'm too fat, I'm unworthy of real love, blah). I get that you think that a little attention (albeit horrendously negative) is a show of 'love' but in this case no its not. This is clear.

I strongly suggest you get a therapist and work on this need of yours to be in a sick/abusive situation. Also figure out why it is you can't let this one go. Everybody else pretty much would have be at best mollified to learn that he has been set up with the partner of the guy and purposefully lead on and would have stopped there.


Honestly there are guys that are half decent, this isn't one of them. Sorry.

[martinireland]

Thanks for the advice guys. Everything you said is right!!!!