He is just too cute, it´s killing me
12-10-2013, 08:36 AM
Ok so im 21 and just coming out of the closet (only openly gay or really close friends know) and one person who is very open about being gay makes my hearth beat, unfortunately he has been around with a good number of men and he sees me like a kid (no real experience in a relationship either gay or straight) he soars with all his confidence and humor (damn i love his personality) so i took him to the movies and shared a good laugh, and some awsome cuddling, then i concentrated all my strenght and managed to whisper “i really like youâ€Â, he just kinda laughed, snuggled close to me and came very close for a kiss, but he stayed there, and i was utterly frozen (when i declared my feelings i could literally hear my own mouth talking by itself guided only by my subconcious) so just cuddled some more (should have gone for the kiss, i know) Then it was all cuddling and whispers in our ears, so i tought, everything is cool.
After the movie i took him to a balcony in the mall where there was no one, and we spoke for a while i explained my feelings and my case of seriously boring closet life, he talked about his life as a wonderfull explorer of the world, and he hinted that he has shot down many guys that are after just sex, that he is tired of the one night stands but at the same time he told me he wants nothing for the moment (as in a relationship) So we talked and it was super cool to share my experiences as an homosexual with someone like me, we shared a cab (back in the closet because in my country and city being homosexual es very tabu, south mexico, go figure) we said goodbye and we both walked to our close by houses.
Back in my house i went online and found him in fb, so we chatted some more and i told him something like “about what i told you, i dont know, think about it†and he responded †jajaja you are crazy, you know that.
But i really like you.i alredy told you i like you very much, but thats it n.n we are only friends and dont want you to get your hopes upâ€Â
Soo i feel like crap, that was 2 months ago, i started going out with 2 other friends, and it turns out my gaydar is broken cuz both of them are straight (damn wishful thinking), but i have gone out with my crush to the movies and yesterday i invited him to the park, we went to a lovely botanical park and it was pretty empty, we walked, chatted, horsed around a bit (he is petite and im big so naturally i carried him, huged him and groped him, all in "good fun" of course) and there were this sweet moments when our hands would touch and linger there.
Then we went to an amusement park wich is next to the botanical park and i invited some frappes and crepes, we ate and talked about stuff like school or gosip about other boys, we played some old school games and shot some targets.
It was a GREAT afternoon, and basically what i have always wanted of a gay life, go out with a boy, laugh, eat and play, amazing. I am very comfortable with his friendship, but would love to be his boyfriend. So after that he told me he had to go see a friend of his dance (a gay man who is also his boss in his part time job) so we walked to the culture house and in the way he told me that about a month and a half ago he had broken up with a boyfriend (which could, in my wishful mind, explain why he shot me down 2 months ago) and he told me how he has been around the gay scene of our little towns since he was 15 (dayum). So after a while we arrived to the culture house, he introduced me to his friend (very flamboyant man, acording to my friends own words, since i had asked if he was dating him, he said, no we are just very good friends and he is my wingman) we chatted a while and after 15 minutes they had to leave with all the dance team to the next town down the road 30 minutes, they had a dance exposition and my friend was going to cheer on his friend.
So my friend asked me to come with him, but i couldnt since i had run out of time we huged goodbye and that was it.
What am i to think? He said rather clearly "dont get your hopes up" but all those moments torture me, i dont know what to do. Should i hit on my again?, keep growing the friendship? (i hate the friendzone btw) Should i adress the issue clearly and ask him something along the lines of "can i get my hopes up or it is definately never going to happend"? Any toughs will be apreciated.
Forgive my awful English
After the movie i took him to a balcony in the mall where there was no one, and we spoke for a while i explained my feelings and my case of seriously boring closet life, he talked about his life as a wonderfull explorer of the world, and he hinted that he has shot down many guys that are after just sex, that he is tired of the one night stands but at the same time he told me he wants nothing for the moment (as in a relationship) So we talked and it was super cool to share my experiences as an homosexual with someone like me, we shared a cab (back in the closet because in my country and city being homosexual es very tabu, south mexico, go figure) we said goodbye and we both walked to our close by houses.
Back in my house i went online and found him in fb, so we chatted some more and i told him something like “about what i told you, i dont know, think about it†and he responded †jajaja you are crazy, you know that.
But i really like you.i alredy told you i like you very much, but thats it n.n we are only friends and dont want you to get your hopes upâ€Â
Soo i feel like crap, that was 2 months ago, i started going out with 2 other friends, and it turns out my gaydar is broken cuz both of them are straight (damn wishful thinking), but i have gone out with my crush to the movies and yesterday i invited him to the park, we went to a lovely botanical park and it was pretty empty, we walked, chatted, horsed around a bit (he is petite and im big so naturally i carried him, huged him and groped him, all in "good fun" of course) and there were this sweet moments when our hands would touch and linger there.
Then we went to an amusement park wich is next to the botanical park and i invited some frappes and crepes, we ate and talked about stuff like school or gosip about other boys, we played some old school games and shot some targets.
It was a GREAT afternoon, and basically what i have always wanted of a gay life, go out with a boy, laugh, eat and play, amazing. I am very comfortable with his friendship, but would love to be his boyfriend. So after that he told me he had to go see a friend of his dance (a gay man who is also his boss in his part time job) so we walked to the culture house and in the way he told me that about a month and a half ago he had broken up with a boyfriend (which could, in my wishful mind, explain why he shot me down 2 months ago) and he told me how he has been around the gay scene of our little towns since he was 15 (dayum). So after a while we arrived to the culture house, he introduced me to his friend (very flamboyant man, acording to my friends own words, since i had asked if he was dating him, he said, no we are just very good friends and he is my wingman) we chatted a while and after 15 minutes they had to leave with all the dance team to the next town down the road 30 minutes, they had a dance exposition and my friend was going to cheer on his friend.
So my friend asked me to come with him, but i couldnt since i had run out of time we huged goodbye and that was it.
What am i to think? He said rather clearly "dont get your hopes up" but all those moments torture me, i dont know what to do. Should i hit on my again?, keep growing the friendship? (i hate the friendzone btw) Should i adress the issue clearly and ask him something along the lines of "can i get my hopes up or it is definately never going to happend"? Any toughs will be apreciated.
Forgive my awful English
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