Need advice please

[jstudiocity]

Hello,

I need some advice. I've been with my boyfriend for over a year, and he now lives with me. I feel as though we are very close and passionate for each other. He has told me that he has always had sensitivity issues with his penis. Sometimes he can feel a lot, other times not so much. It's very confusing to me because he tends to always closes his eyes during sex and it makes me feel like he has to think about other people, like he isn't fully attracted to me. He claims that I am wrong, and that he has to concentrate on the sensation in order to achieve orgasm. he says that sex was never a priority for him.
He has shown in many many ways that he loves me, but it's been such a hard thing for me to get over (and i have developed a lot of jealousy issues because of it, even though he has done nothing to prove that he is deceitful).... He has watched porn before since we've been together (which doesn't really bother me because so do i), so i know he is at least sexual. but I can't help but feel like it's me he isn't attracted to.

Any advice or tips?

Thank you!

[jimcrackcorn]

Sex is not all physical, much of it is mental. Your partner may have to concentrate more than the average guy in order to achieve orgasm.

Lots of guys close their eyes while having sex. Many just stare out into space while having sex. It doesn't mean they don't find you sexy.

If you and your boyfriend are happy in all other aspects of your relationship, then count yourself lucky. Sex is not the most important part of a relationship.

Jim

[Woollyhats]

Well, he could certainly imagine another guy with his eyes open... Wrong thing to say? No --- because the jealousy is a part of you --- you need to trust in that he's with you because he loves you.

Your problem is slightly unusual, often I hear people upset that their significant other ISN'T closing their eyes!

Sensitivity issues are also fairly normal. Is it hypersensitive? You could get a light numbing gel, which would help, a lot of people use that, women especially but men too. If it's hypo-sensitive I'm not entirely sure what you could do besides seeing a doctor.

Besides that, he said that sex isn't a priority, which means he doesn't have a high sex drive. Sex should be more meaningful because of that, not less, and you have to realize that he isn't going to be like a bunny with you. Sex isn't a priority... that means he doesn't see you as an object, and he loves you for who you are --- he isn't with you just for the sex and that's confirming it. Yes, sex is important, but you say you're having sex, so really, don't you have one of the more perfect partners?

Lastly, if things like him closing his eyes bother you, you're going to have to work on that,,, "I like it when your eyes are open" etc. etc., to see if maybe you can change that. At the very least, I imagine he will try to make you happy, and even if it doesn't work, him having sex with you, and being with you, and presumably trying to make you happy is something that other people should be jealous of you for, and not you jealous of anyone else, real or perceived.

[jstudiocity]

Thank you so much for the replies!
I just want it to be clear... I am aware of how lucky I am to have this person in my life... I can't even imagine being intimate with any one else. It's just frustrating to me because I feel so incredibly attracted to him, and I want that same sexual passion for me from him. Our relationship started without a deep connection (and very little intimacy), but over time we have grown to love each other very much and he has made an effort to be more intimate after I brought my concerns to his attention. We've even had great sex! But it is inconsistent, but I know he tries very hard to make me happy.
Sex isn't the most important part, I understand that as well. I see sex as an expression of love. I've also encountered the opposite... I was with a person who was only interested in sex and they eventually looked elsewhere.
Because of my jealousy issues, I have "creeped" his social networking sites and even his phone trying to find some "evidence". I hate being like that.
I found a few videos on his phone that were of guys but they all pre-dated us being together... so I'm the one who is the asshole in this equation. I asked him about it and he deleted everything and told me he would never leave me for another guy or just for sex.

Obviously, there is a lot more to this story. But it feels good to vent and get advice from you guys. I thank you so much, it really means a lot to me.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Because of my jealousy issues, I have "creeped" his social networking sites and even his phone trying to find some "evidence". I hate being like that.

This isn't going to end well.

Obviously, there is a lot more to this story. But it feels good to vent and get advice from you guys. I thank you so much, it really means a lot to me. mile:

I suggest getting a therapist. Ranting about this ain't going to fix the problem, and the problem is far, far larger than you seem to understand.

Sorry. But most of what you wrote is a reflection of codependency and jealousy which is destroying your relationship which is incidentally the reason why sex between you two is getting worst, not better.

The sad irony here is you are most likely going to push him into the direction you fear most - by looking for signs of cheating he will eventually decide he might as well do the crime since he is always being convicted of it.

To be cold, but realistic - this relationship is already damaged beyond repair. Your best bet is to let him go then go to a therapist and work on your issues as a single person - and remain single until such time you have figured out the why you are doing this, and figure out how to work within a relationship without sabotaging it.

This amount of distrust you showing is not really as secret as you think. There is perhaps a thousand tiny ways you make it clear you do not trust him, from your body language and how to cant your head to one side when not believing what he is saying, to the tone of voice you use when confronting what he has said. You most likely tell him a hundred times a day that he is a lying piece of shit - no you don't say the words verbally, but your body language your tone of voice and lots of other minor things scream this.

So to reiterate and hopefully drive this message home, this isn't going to end well.

Sorry.

[MisterTinkles]

A misconception of gay men is that we are nothing more than raging hormones looking for a wet hole.

There are THOUSANDS, if not MILLIONS of gay people who do not consider SEX as a prerequisite for getting to know someone or falling in love with them.

Maybe he has issues with sex, because of his issues with sensitivity there. Has he gone to a Dr for this? Maybe he has pinched nerves or nerve damage of some kind that prevent him from feeling what he is supposed too. He may have to close his eyes and focus on the "task" in order for you to get what you want out of this act. If that is the case, then I would say you are BEYOND lucky to find such a guy willing to do that to himself in order to make YOU happy.

Not being one of these "horndogs" that people think we all are, I also am not very interested in sex. I can tell you it is difficult to focus on something so exact, in order to make certain body functions happen, in order to make the other guy happy with what he wants to get out of it.
It takes a LOT of concentration, and a lot of will power to do something like this.

Just because he is closing his eyes, doesnt mean he is having to fantasize about something.......if he is not that interested in sex, AND he has sensitivity issues down there, then I can pretty much make a safe bet that he is WORKING very hard to give YOU what YOU are wanting out of this sex act. And any guy who is willing to put THAT much mental stress on himself to make someone else happy, is a great man indeed.

[jstudiocity]

Thanks for the replies

@Bowyn Aerrow... you clearly didn't read most of my posts. I do agree that there is co-dependence issues, but the fact that you don't have all of the details, I think you are way off base. Read through them again.... you will find that I stated that the sex got BETTER. So I have no idea what you are implying.. you are projecting.
Thank you for the advice, though. I just think it comes across as bitter and probably something you have experienced in your own life.