Not turned on?

[nm1012]

I have only had 3 sexual experiences with 3 different guys. We only had oral or jerked each time (A guy fingered me one time, but that was it). Two of the guys were not very unattractive (and not so well endowed haha…), so I wasn't turned on during our meets which did not surprise me.

However, one of the guys is gorgeous and can still get me going when we text or Skype. But when we had oral in person, I was not turned on at all. I just wanted it to end and for him to leave - just as I felt with the other guys.

Am I the only one who feels this way? I seem to only turn myself on when fantasizing...

[JimmyDalton]

Do you watch porn a lot? This might happen. If so, you can watch porn together and make out while watching.

Or, you might be the one that loves cuddle more than sex, just like me. I love how me and him touch each other, hug, kiss, and cuddle all night.

[Lilitu]

im not sure if it's the same thing, but I tend to create images of guys I like in my head that disappoint me in reality.

there's this one guy that I always think I really like, but in reality, I don't know him or see him very often, and what I think he is is more attractive to me than what he actually is (and theyre quite different)

[nm1012]

im not sure if it's the same thing, but I tend to create images of guys I like in my head that disappoint me in reality.

there's this one guy that I always think I really like, but in reality, I don't know him or see him very often, and what I think he is is more attractive to me than what he actually is (and theyre quite different)

Yes, this is very similar to my situation. I enjoy touching and cuddling and all that, but I don't enjoy the real thing cause it doesn't meet my expectations. Each time I came with those guys, it was from my imagination and not what was going on. It makes me not want to meet anyone because they let me down haha

[Geminize]

Maybe you need to get to know a guy first, become friends, and let a sexual relationship develop. That way you know who he is already and you have fewer expectations.

[nm1012]

Maybe you need to get to know a guy first, become friends, and let a sexual relationship develop. That way you know who he is already and you have fewer expectations.

That's what I did with the guy I actually liked, but it was still very awkward for me. I didn't try to set expectations with him. He enjoyed it a lot, but I was just not stimulated in the slightest…Like I wasn't even turned on, while I am when just speaking or flirting with him.

[Geminize]

That's what I did with the guy I actually liked, but it was still very awkward for me. I didn't try to set expectations with him. He enjoyed it a lot, but I was just not stimulated in the slightest…Like I wasn't even turned on, while I am when just speaking or flirting with him.

I'm no expert, but it sounds like anxiety to me. You did say these were your first sexual experiences with guys. If you're nervous about it that can be a huge mood killer. Even if you feel excited and are looking forward to it, subconscious anxiety can still cause problems. Then there's the issue of being in the closet and having your first guys, too.

It's hard to look into those feelings on your own. If you can find a counselor you're comfortable sharing with, you might find that helps. A city like Halifax should have good resources.

[nm1012]

I'm no expert, but it sounds like anxiety to me. You did say these were your first sexual experiences with guys. If you're nervous about it that can be a huge mood killer. Even if you feel excited and are looking forward to it, subconscious anxiety can still cause problems. Then there's the issue of being in the closet and having your first guys, too.

It's hard to look into those feelings on your own. If you can find a counselor you're comfortable sharing with, you might find that helps. A city like Halifax should have good resources.

Obviously I'm a bit nervous, but I really wasn't with that guy. We had been talking a while before we did anything, so I felt comfortable with him. I just literally could not get turned on. With the other 2 guys, I'm sure it was anxiety, but I don't think it was with this guy.