40 Things You'd Love to Say Out Loud at Work

[bammbamm]

40 Things You'd Love to Say Out Loud at Work

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to publicly humiliate yourself.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
7. I'm out of my mind at the moment, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don't work here - I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I don't understand a damn word you're saying.
10. Ahhh. I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision - I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualising the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of karma to burn
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your cry-baby whiny assed opinion would be?
24. Do I look like a f..king people person to you?
25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. Oh, I get it. Like humour. Only different.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without the door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door number 1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume, but must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic and disorder - my work here is finally done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to kill.
38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary
39. I'll try being nicer if you try being smarter.
40. Wait a minute - I'm just trying to imagine you with a personality

[Udabar]

hehehe.. I finally have a job where these could be used.. yay

[jamesteen]

mine would be
yor NOT my superior…….yor my boss. try not to confuse the two!! mile:

[spotysocks]

Fantastic post ! I ve thought to say most of what is listed countless times.

[ardus]

I Have actually said 22, 24, and 39

[Ronan]

lol thats cla!

[albabonzai]

I said 28, If i throw a stick will you leave as a joke to one of the young recruits a few years back lol, im too nice to them :p

[XRIMO]

Perhaps I'm just a sarcastic bastard at work, but I know I've said (or at least something very similar):
1, 3, 5, 8, 13, 27, 33, 36. Plus things that aren't on there, at least everyone where I work has a good sense of humour, lol.

[matty7]

i honestly use similar things to those - makes for a better workin enviroment cos my boss and workmates know the'll get an honest opinion off me, i dont patronise though, im not good at hurting peoples feelings even if they are wrong, my only get out jail one i use is if an engineer ask's wot happened now i reply with the standard "wasn't me,,it was like that when i found it"