He's everything I could want...except sexually...

[OopsyDazee]

I'm currently in a relationship with a great guy who's just about everything I could want in another man. He's thoughtful, sweet, and romantic. We like the same music and shows, he really listens to me and gets me, and I'm generally just a happier person when he's near. The one problem we've had in our year or so of dating is that we just don't click in the bedroom.

We both identify as tops. Now, while I generally consider myself a top, I do consider bottoming on occasion for the right guy (i.e. this guy). However, because he is an older man, he has some *ahem* erectile issues. So that kills any chance of me ever bottoming for him. The chances of him bending for me are also very, very slim as well. He also has some medical issues with his backdoor that prevents any anilingus (or "rimming", which is my favorite activity in the bedroom).

We've essentially resorted to frottage and oral sex (him performing on me), but it seems that's as far as anything will ever go. It's a much bigger deal to him than it is to me (my sex drive is much lower than his). As much as we click out of bed, it's just...not there IN bed. It's gotten to the point where our sexual activity seems forced and stagnant, given the huge lack of things we're able to do. When I am actually in the mood, I have to forsake all of my favorite things to do, and he has to forsake his.

I want to tell him about this, but I don't want to hurt his feelings. We get along so well, I would hate for something like this to spoil it. What should I do?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

ED - they have pills for that.

Anal stuff, there are creams and most likely a pill for that as well.

This sounds more of medical conditions standing in the way. I strongly suggest he goes to his doctor and gets things fixed.

[MisterTinkles]

It could be from age also. If he is older and having "man issues", then it might not be able to be fixed with a pill or cream.

If you guys are planning to get serious, then you need to have a serious talk about everything.
If you want to work it out between you, as far as sex goes, you might want to go to a sex counselor. He/She might know some things that would make both of you happy and work for both of you.

[cameroncr95]

If you love him, sex won't be an issue.
Just simply do oral. You can both swap on each other. Oral still feels really good and is counted as sex.

[southbiochem]

if both of you are seeking a life in te bedroom than have a sit down and tell him he need to se a doctor..

most of his issues are medical and can be taken care of..

then again, you should always consider, depending on just how old is he that he's only going to perform less ans less over time..aging will do that to you, it will happen to us all...

if you can go thorugh arelationship without the sex, do it..if not..well, time to be honest with yourself and find someone....more age appropriate..(I'm assuming his age to be quite high, btw, when you say "older")