How to say no to mom

[Anonymous]

When I was a kid my dad wasn't around much, and my mom really pushed us kids to do well in school and go to college. She always talked about how she'd always wanted to go to college and never could, so she really wanted us to go. I heard this story thousands of times.

I went to college.

Last year my mother was still on the subject, "I wish I could go back to school, I wish I could go back to school," Finally I told her if she wanted to go to college so bad why not just go? There are plenty of funds available for people over 40 to go to school, and there was no reason for her not to just do it. I told her I'd help her get started if she was serious about wanting to do it. She said she was.

I got her enrolled in an online school, which is what she wanted. I knew that at first I'd have to help her, she isn't the best with typing and computers and whatnot. However, as the weeks went on I realized something...she couldn't do it. She couldn't type the papers, she couldn't understand the reading, she couldn't comprehend how to google information for assignments, hell she couldn't copy and paste or even open a microsoft word document.

I tried to be patient, I tried to teach her how to do things but she would only get mad if I didn't just do it for her. It turned into me going to her house 3 or 4 days a week to pretty much do her schoolwork. Its been months now. Months, and she wont even try. I know that when I tell her "Hey, Im not going to do this for you, you have to at least try" that shes going to drop out and for the rest of my life I'll be the son who ruined my mother's chance of going back to school because I wouldn't help her. But this crap is just too much at this point. So do i bite my tongue or possibly cut ties completely with my mother over this?

[Lilitu]

The best solution I can see is maybe hiring a professional tutor... although that is expensive, I can't see how else to fix things.

Lol but she sounds exactly like what my mother would do

[southbiochem]

I assume at some point if your life she told you "you should do things for yourself or you'll never learn"

sit her down and give her, gently, the same speech back..

now, it was a mistake for her to join online collegeif she didn't even knew how to sue a computer for her works..

I agree with Lilitu, shee needs a tutor....

[MisterTinkles]

First, she needs to take a typing class.
Then she needs to take basic computer class.
Then she needs to take intermediate computer class.
Then she needs to take either a secretarial course or an administrative course.

THEN she can take whatever other classes she wants.

And she doesnt have to go to college for the basic classes. There are special courses at libraries, civic centers, special tutors that come to your house, private adult schools, etc.

She needs to LEARN how work the instruments she will be using in college/school, before she can GO to college/school and take the classes she wants to take.

You might try finding some basic computer use videos on Youtube and letting her watch those, so she can get an idea of what it is she will need to learn, as far as computers, typing, filing, and the basics are concerned.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

You need to hire a stranger to teach her how to use the computer.

I also wonder if there may not be an underlying learning disability to be considered.

Why a stranger, because most people will pull their punches and be less likely to be 'ugly' with a stranger over someone they know.

Why a learning disability, because it sounds like there is more going on her than a lack of willingness or desire.

[sillyboy86]

You need to hire a stranger to teach her how to use the computer.

I also wonder if there may not be an underlying learning disability to be considered.

Why a stranger, because most people will pull their punches and be less likely to be 'ugly' with a stranger over someone they know.

Why a learning disability, because it sounds like there is more going on her than a lack of willingness or desire.

I agree. But I don't think there is a learning disability, maybe is only difficult cause she's over 40. I think my mom would do the same, probably cause she's got too much things in her head, her job etc. And she doesn't have a learning disability, maybe the opposite, she has a good degree, doing a professional job, managing etc. She uses the computer to do her job but when is the point to learn something easy to do with the pc, for herself, I have to repeat and repeat and repeat, with no end. For example using youtube etc. But she's doing and learning very difficult things everyday for her dynamic job.

The problem in my opinion is that when you're over XX (different for everyone) you can have some difficulties to put yourself in a student mentality. But is very different for everyone.
For example, my father (older than my mom) never used the computer in his life, is very crappy with the pc etc, but he has a good student mentality, is something easy for him, and he learned to use the pc a bit. I mean, a bit, he was the kind of person that doesn't know to switch on or off a pc.
But he's continuously trying to be a better pc user, for his personal interest.
____

It's possible that she can became a student only in front of a real teacher, or in a physical school.
A stranger, a person that doesn't have confidence with her and vice-versa.