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12-21-2013, 03:54 PM

So this is the thing:

About 2 months ago I started chatting with this guy on a gay dating site.
He is really nice and genuine.
We exchanges several messages until we decided to meet, which was 3 weeks ago.
After our first time hanging out with each other, we decided to start a trial relationship.
He has been really sweet to me and we flirt with each other through SMS everyday.
Every weekend we would meet, eat and have fun together (no intimate contact yet, the most we got to was holding hands) today we had our third date.

However, while spending time with him today, I realized I can't and probably will never develop romantic/sexual feelings for him.
Don't get me wrong, he was the best date anyone could imagine.
He tries to make me smile, offers to (and did) pay for our meals and helps me carry my shopping bags.
Basically he was a saint and moreover, he tells me he likes me all the time.

3 weeks before Christmas he told me he got me a Christmas present that he thinks I'll really like and I asked him, 'what if I don't'?
He told me, 'you definitely will and you'll reward me then'.
Well now Christmas is around the corners and we'll be exchanging gifts and he'll be expecting his 'reward' (probably a kiss?).

I know I must break it off with him because the longer it drags on, the more pain I'll inflict on him.
The question is, should I do it on Christmas or pretend that I love him on Christmas and end it as soon as I see him again after Christmas?
I know either way I'm an asshole but I really can't pretend to want to be with him anymore...
It's so bad that when I imagine kissing or having sex with him I get disgusted instead of turned on Sad

Also, is it even reasonable if I ask to remain as a friend with him?

Thanks for reading and share your thoughts please.

12-21-2013, 04:04 PM

If I were him, id feel used Sad

and discarded. (IF you made it clear at the beginning "just friends" then his probable "reward" was a bit much)
I think it would be best to break it up as soon as possible if its already inevitable.

Hope everything works out ok, and maybe you two can remain friends!

12-21-2013, 04:06 PM

Buy him a present, exchange gifts over Christmas, then after New Year sit him down and break it off if thats what you want.

There is no point in breaking his heart over the Holiday period.

ObW
X

12-21-2013, 05:45 PM

You've put yourself in this situation, you should have made it clear from the beggining...nothing serious..

specially if you've known for 3 weeks now...you should have said something long ago..

anyway, you should have a present for him....nothing to lead him on even further...but avoid giving him the bad news in Holidays......wait afterwards...

you can ask to remain friends, but given how this has gone by, don't expect that he agrees to that...

12-21-2013, 06:07 PM

Blake i know how it feels, ive had to reject 2 guys and its not a nice thing, its down right horrible and i cried both times (afterwards on my own) and its made me more carefull even one of those i stayed with after i knew it was over, i just couldnt bring myself to hurt him. I even miss him now but i knew had to end. We cant spend are lives with people we dont really want to be with, but people do because we are complex.

This is difficult for you because of christmas, as if its not bad enough under usual circumstances.

Im really not sure what you should do, though i think accepting that present will be akward, maybe it,ll be wise to tell him now, right now, with still a few days before christmas.

12-21-2013, 06:10 PM

Someone already mentioned it, but..

It's something that could've been prevented weeks ago. I think from
what I remember from your old post, you already mentioned that you
can't really picture yourself being with this guy romantically or sexually.

You already knew it then, I would've already made it clear to the guy
from the beginning, but I can understand that it's always a hard thing to
break to someone, but it is better to tell him upfront from the start instead
of leading him on up to this point.

Definitely get him something in return, I'd just wait till after the Holidays
to have a talk with him. I can kind of relate to how might this guy be feeling,
he might end up being broken hearted about it and stop all contact altogether,
but it's probably for the best in the end.

Good luck though~

Dan1980 · 12-21-2013, 10:30 PM

Don't break his heart over Christmas as others have said. In the new year gently tell him how you feel and tell him that your sorry and you didn't mean for this to happen. I hope it works out ok
For both of you.

12-22-2013, 06:39 PM

Keep us informed on how things work out and maybe we could be a bit of a think tank for you if any other hurdles arise.

12-22-2013, 06:50 PM

Oh no.

You do have to break up if this is how you're feeling, the sooner the better. You should have realized this initially, so be sure to take blame for this, and outline how it wouldn't work between you, so you're breaking up to save you both from pain. He's going to be heart broken -- and might be a little angry. Be nice to him though -- he's done nothing wrong.

Do stay friends, but if he seems to be pushing and hoping to get back together, maintain minimal contact so as to not encourage him.

All that said, there's not a lot wrong with realizing that you're better as friends...

12-22-2013, 06:55 PM

southbiochem Wrote:You've put yourself in this situation, you should have made it clear from the beggining...nothing serious..

specially if you've known for 3 weeks now...you should have said something long ago..

anyway, you should have a present for him....nothing to lead him on even further...but avoid giving him the bad news in Holidays......wait afterwards...

you can ask to remain friends, but given how this has gone by, don't expect that he agrees to that...

Actually I didn't know 3 weeks ago.
3 weeks ago was when we started the 'real' relationship.
And yes I have prepared a really nice and special present for him a while ago.
The point about making it clear in the beginning is very valid though because I somehow agreed that I wanted a LTR with him but changed my mind only yesterday Sad

Sigh you are probably right about him not wanting to be friends anymore because I totally deserve it...