partis Wrote:Blake i know how it feels, ive had to reject 2 guys and its not a nice thing, its down right horrible and i cried both times (afterwards on my own) and its made me more carefull even one of those i stayed with after i knew it was over, i just couldnt bring myself to hurt him. I even miss him now but i knew had to end. We cant spend are lives with people we dont really want to be with, but people do because we are complex.
This is difficult for you because of christmas, as if its not bad enough under usual circumstances.
Im really not sure what you should do, though i think accepting that present will be akward, maybe it,ll be wise to tell him now, right now, with still a few days before christmas.
I'm really glad to know that you empathize with me and even shared your own story.
I can't possibly tell him before Christmas because we aren't seeing each other on the 23rd and 24th. We already have plans with our own friends and family...
If I break up with him through the phone or email it would make me a worse person and feel more terrible.
As for the gift, it won't be all that awkward because he already told me it's just food (I'm guessing somewhere along the line of chocolates or cheesecakes).
Thank you for your opinion on this matter! 
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Aaaaaand Enter Me. Alot of people get annoyed with me sometimes for how I deal with stuff, but you know what, this is life, your life and for me personally I find that it works out.
Be straight up. Don't even pussyfoot, just be like;
"So ____ , I have something to tell you and it's not easy, so just listen"
and go from there. Now I am not totally as bitchy as I may seem, but I definitely believe in clearly and unequivocally getting my point across and doing so sometimes in a blunt manner, but it's always respectful.
If I were you, I first of all would've made sure I was attracted to him beyond initial attraction, before I even thought, let alone actually go out and buy him anything.
If it's one thing I dislike, is having that feeling of owing somebody something, and to me, buying something for someone you're going to break it off with or whatever, is so cheap and sad. No honestly, it's basically saying "Here's your watch, now pick up your face on the way out my door" in like an attempt to "pay him back" for the relationship essentially.
I would do it personally like right now. Because even while it's 3 days before Christmas, he'll atleast be around friends and family (hopefully) to curb his rejection/break up and can move on into the new year on a clean slate basically.
It may be difficult, but honestly, many things in life are, and like those things, you've got to face them and be braver than you would've been if you had the easy option of doing things, which is usually the way that gets you no further than where you should and would want to be.
Let us know hun! Mama is here to listen, kay?
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For guys who think I should not do it on Christmas, I have to explain the issues with that.
If I really do kiss him (or do something else that I'm not comfortable doing with him) it will definitely mislead him further. It's not like we really just exchange gifts and part ways. He has even invited me to attend a formal dinner with him, his best friend and his best friends' church friends. I have told him I'm not keen on going but if I don't end it during the day somehow I'll still end up attending the dinner event with him (I'm not the kind who'll lie to avoid seeing someone). So basically, I'd have to pretend to like him romantically and act in that manner the whole day. Considering how his best friend and some of their other friends would be present it would definitely also mean that he plans to take our relationship to a new level... It'd be more difficult to break it off once those around him learn that we are together.
Also just saying, I've never kissed anyone before.
That's why although it's really heartless to break up with someone over the holiday season, I think I have to do it to avoid complicating the relationship further.
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Sylph Wrote:Aaaaaand Enter Me. Alot of people get annoyed with me sometimes for how I deal with stuff, but you know what, this is life, your life and for me personally I find that it works out.
Be straight up. Don't even pussyfoot, just be like;
"So ____ , I have something to tell you and it's not easy, so just listen"
and go from there. Now I am not totally as bitchy as I may seem, but I definitely believe in clearly and unequivocally getting my point across and doing so sometimes in a blunt manner, but it's always respectful.
If I were you, I first of all would've made sure I was attracted to him beyond initial attraction, before I even thought, let alone actually go out and buy him anything.
If it's one thing I dislike, is having that feeling of owing somebody something, and to me, buying something for someone you're going to break it off with or whatever, is so cheap and sad. No honestly, it's basically saying "Here's your watch, now pick up your face on the way out my door" in like an attempt to "pay him back" for the relationship essentially.
I would do it personally like right now. Because even while it's 3 days before Christmas, he'll atleast be around friends and family (hopefully) to curb his rejection/break up and can move on into the new year on a clean slate basically.
It may be difficult, but honestly, many things in life are, and like those things, you've got to face them and be braver than you would've been if you had the easy option of doing things, which is usually the way that gets you no further than where you should and would want to be.
Let us know hun! Mama is here to listen, kay?
Thanks for the long and thoughtful reply lil Mama 
I actually got the present before I decided I need to terminate the relationship.
Also, he works today (23rd) until 7 pm I think and I would definitely need a very good reason to meet up with him (without letting him know beforehand I'm breaking it off with him).
Additionally, it might lead him into thinking I'm very anxious of seeing him because I'm madly in love (seriously that's what I'd think if my boyfriend told me he wanted to see me 2 days before the planned date) and the disappointment would be HUGE if I actually tell him, after his long and tiring day at work and anticipation to see me, that I want to end it with him...
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Blake Wrote:For guys who think I should not do it on Christmas, I have to explain the issues with that.
If I really do kiss him (or do something else that I'm not comfortable doing with him) it will definitely mislead him further. It's not like we really just exchange gifts and part ways. He has even invited me to attend a formal dinner with him, his best friend and his best friends' church friends. I have told him I'm not keen on going but if I don't end it during the day somehow I'll still end up attending the dinner event with him (I'm not the kind who'll lie to avoid seeing someone). So basically, I'd have to pretend to like him romantically and act in that manner the whole day. Considering how his best friend and some of their other friends would be present it would definitely also mean that he plans to take our relationship to a new level... It'd be more difficult to break it off once those around him learn that we are together.
Also just saying, I've never kissed anyone before.
That's why although it's really heartless to break up with someone over the holiday season, I think I have to do it to avoid complicating the relationship further.
And honestly, hunni fuck all that gurl, because if this was his way of "uping the notch", then he'd need to dial it down abit, because until you've mutually come to an express conditional point in which you're both at the same pace/level in the relationship, things like meeting the family and dinner and stuff like that, would have to wait.
And while after a month is probably the right time to that, you've obviously not really felt all there for that month, so it should've been clear whether or not you wanted to have dinner with his friends/family. When he asked or offered, you need to think of these things before hand, and I know sometimes we have our slip ups, but to avoid hurt feelings and miscommunications, it's necessary.
While it's obviously too late now, if you do go or if you don't, either way, don't ever feel like you have no control over the situation. Take him in the back and express your feelings and concerns to him, you don't have to have a Madea's Family Reunion discussion at the table, just pull him aside and say hey, I'm not feeling comfortable with this, it's alittle too much, you know? Just let him know this and let him know gently that this just isn't going right between the both of you.
The more you baby and pacify him, the bigger tantrum he'll throw later. Sit him on your knee and explain what needs to be said. Rip it off like a bandaid, he'll cry for a minute, but the pain will fade.
I had a very odd break up in highschool, because I advanced(academically) beyond that of my boyfriend, when I didn't even try, it was his lack of trying actually and I tried to tell him and help him and he basically just shut me off. We're friendly now, but it was explosive, but really, it wasn't fair that I was to blame for something like that.
This is a similar situation, you've not advanced to his level, and he's trying to pull you along, going to dinners and what not and buying presents and all this, you need to put your heel down and say something.
It is a hard situation I'll admit and it is kinda your fault, sorry, but it doesn't mean you're a bad person either, for taking a handle of your life. If you aren't feeling it, if you aren't happy, then you have to do what you have to do.
It's sad sometimes, but hey, don't live with a regret.
And especially if you've not kissed/been intimate with someone, you need to be sure of what you want and where he is, before you go walking down the aisle hunni.
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Kind of off topic.. sort of.
But when I was dating my first boyfriend and Valentines day came
around, and it was my first Valentines Day with a boyfriend.
The relationship was pretty much.. forced? I wanted to see
something in someone that wasn't there, but I tried really hard to see it
because the guy was really nice. I tried my best but it just didn't work out.
And well there was also a couple of things that bothered me, but it's funny
how those 'small' things have so much relevance, especially when the feelings
aren't really there.
...but getting back to the gifts, I got him a Japanese katana, it was decorative,
but still pretty expensive. He got me several small gifts that added up to being
quite a lot and we went out for dinner.
A few weeks later we decided to break it off mutually. I guess you can say I
just wanted to get my presents..?
I'm a horrible person.
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Blake Wrote:Actually I didn't know 3 weeks ago.
3 weeks ago was when we started the 'real' relationship.
And yes I have prepared a really nice and special present for him a while ago.
The point about making it clear in the beginning is very valid though because I somehow agreed that I wanted a LTR with him but changed my mind only yesterday 
Sigh you are probably right about him not wanting to be friends anymore because I totally deserve it...
I meant that he told you 3 weeks ago he got you something special for xmas...that would have been the proper moment...alas, I know it's not always easy...
if you can try to remain friends, although be prepared, cause chances are he will be heartbroken...still, it's something you need to do..
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justbry87 Wrote:Kind of off topic.. sort of.
But when I was dating my first boyfriend and Valentines day came
around, and it was my first Valentines Day with a boyfriend.
The relationship was pretty much.. forced? I wanted to see
something in someone that wasn't there, but I tried really hard to see it
because the guy was really nice. I tried my best but it just didn't work out.
And well there was also a couple of things that bothered me, but it's funny
how those 'small' things have so much relevance, especially when the feelings
aren't really there.
...but getting back to the gifts, I got him a Japanese katana, it was decorative,
but still pretty expensive. He got me several small gifts that added up to being
quite a lot and we went out for dinner.
A few weeks later we decided to break it off mutually. I guess you can say I
just wanted to get my presents..?
I'm a horrible person.
No you are not! You are being considerate for his feelings.
Your situation is almost identical with mine
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You'll be okay man :]
It's gonna suck a lot, but you'll feel a lot better once you've done it.
I hope he understands.
Let us know how it goes :]
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Well sorry to butt in, but I have been away for a while and I believe that your story would be a good opportunity to make a quick comeback... but don't you worry all that knew me and my husband. Alex refuses to come back on this board and I've took a very good rest from all your drama lol. But I am a natural helper and I see that our little friend Blake here need perhaps a little reality slap.
First of all Blake, a RELATIONSHIP isn't something that just "got decided", it's a long process and although you guys decided to give it a try, your TRY wasn't a relationship. It was merely a crush that turned sour on your side; you were not ready or fully interested from the beginning, you were perhaps just interested in the fact of calling someone “your boyfriend”. Every single individual on this board or many other are looking for "the One" but for the most they couldn't define properly what they are looking for in "The One" for the most they may have an idea but when the opportunity hit they just realize that it’s not really what they wanted or that they were not ready. In your case I can’t be sure since I don’t know you or the actual relationship you had with your temporary boyfriend, but it seems that you were not as ready as you believe you were to commit to a relationship or that the person you went with did not shook your feelings up from the very beginning.
So now you arrived to the point where you realize that you’re not that much into him, but you may be surprise that he might have notice already and that just like those lonely wolves on this board and many others, no one likes to be alone for holidays. You would be surprised how many “fake” relationships are formed and broken during that short 1 month holiday period and this is not a new phenomenon it has been like that for years and it seems even worst for gay people… but it’s scarcely the same for all sexual preferences.
So you don’t like the guy “that way”, well tell him! And tell him now… yes you may break his heart, but a broken heart can be fixed. You should not exchange any gifts or accept gift as this will send the wrong message, you guys went too fast… at least you believe you went to fast and you shouldn’t have called it a relationship…because trust me when you really do enter a relationship… you guys don’t even have to call it… you know it is, you know you appreciate each other. Calling a relationship after three weeks is to me as realistic as the existence of Satan Claus.
What you could tell your “so-called” boyfriend is that you think you went a little too quickly and that you’d like your relationship to slow down a notch… he bought you or prepare some sort of gift and he told you? Doesn’t this show you a little that this “relationship” of yours is being forced? Put an end to this ASAP before both of you get severely hurt emotionally.
Good Luck!
To all other… have a happy holiday from Alex and I and from the rest of our little (quite large) family.
Jake
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