Musings from my dark corner:

[Evan88]

I really dont know why you are single.. You have qualities which are really likeable and adorable.
Maybe, all i can say is stop looking and it will come when you least expect it..

And dont say you would rather be in an abusive relationship, you deserve better than that

*hugs*

[Jovial]

I really dont know why you are single..

…painfully obvious, unfortunately… I am an unknown, I don’t exist.

[southbiochem]

cogito ergo sum

you do the first, hence, you obviously exist

[MisterTinkles]

…painfully obvious, unfortunately… I am an unknown, I don’t exist.

Well you can join my club of "Invisible People". I am not only a member, I am the President!!!

Believe me, you are not thinking, feeling, or saying ANYTHING that I did not think, feel, and say back when I was fighting MY demons back in the late 1980's/early 1990's. So I know whats going on in your head, as far as this is concerned.

We may not know the reasons for the beginning of this episode in your life, but I am FULLY aware of the feelings and emotions you are having. Along with a few million other people.

And if you didnt want responses, you would not have posted anything. Dont get me started on the headgames you are playing on yourself!!!

Yeah, this "Dark Angel" is NO Angel, BELIEVE ME! Its your demons poisoning your mind against yourself. Self doubt feeds these monsters. And you have plenty of that right now.

As far as wanting ANY kind of relationship.......I KNOW this is a headgame you fuck your own mind with. You know better than that, and *I* know better than to believe that.

You may think whatever started this, or whatever "seed" was planted in that head of yours was/is the most horrible thing, and thats why you dont speak of it.......but I can guarantee you, this is yet another mindfuckgame you are manipulating yourself with.
Whatever it is, whatever it was........is not bad enough for you to be doing the things that you are doing to yourself now.

Yes, you will say Im full of shit.
Yes, you will say I am wrong on every account.
Yes, you will deny and deny and deny.
Yes, you will let your demons talk you into all sorts of crap to "bury" these facts.

And yes, you wont believe any of this, because you ARE in denial. All those barriers I spoke of in another format......will only make things worse. Everytime you knock a barrier down and face what is behind it, you kill another demon.

It took me 3 years to kill all of my demons. But I killed them all. All alone, all by myself, with no help or well wishes from anyone. You have this place and these people to give you advice and help if you want. And of course, a sounding board for your feelings, thoughts, and emotions.

And yes, I DO consider this post you made, one of your "baby steps"!!!! YEAH!!!!

Dont make me trek through all that snow up there, just to come spank you!!!!

[Jovial]

Actually, I firmly believe the original post is a cry for help... though perhaps not at the time of posting; and a very minute part of the legions before me.

Also, please note, I am being cryptic again, so not everything is as it may seem…

Dont make me trek through all that snow up there, just to come spank you!!!!

...and thank you for this line, it made me smile.

[southbiochem]

Keep the e-mail I gave you....Keep Tinkles's.....

USE THEM...whenever you see fit

[nu2this]

Is it selfish of me to want a date with a guy, any guy, I don’t care whom? Is it selfish of me to want a first a kiss? To experience holding hands? To want a family? A little acreage? Given my circumstances, is that selfish?

I even thought I would like an abusive relationship. I would settle for that. As he long as he loved me, even if in his own warped way. Even if he eventually took my life, it would be his to have. At least I would, for even the briefest of moments, glimpse my fading dreams.

My Dark Angel smiled at me tonight. Sure his hands were awash in my blood, but he has a pretty face. I wish only to be with him now… he likes silence. He asked how much longer I can endure my darkness, when we can both share his. He asked me to go away with him…

(I politely ask no one respond to this, I merely need a release.)

Ok my friend

[Joshular]

Is it selfish of me to want a date with a guy, any guy, I don’t care whom? Is it selfish of me to want a first a kiss? To experience holding hands? To want a family? A little acreage? Given my circumstances, is that selfish?

I even thought I would like an abusive relationship. I would settle for that. As he long as he loved me, even if in his own warped way. Even if he eventually took my life, it would be his to have. At least I would, for even the briefest of moments, glimpse my fading dreams.

My Dark Angel smiled at me tonight. Sure his hands were awash in my blood, but he has a pretty face. I wish only to be with him now… he likes silence. He asked how much longer I can endure my darkness, when we can both share his. He asked me to go away with him…

(I politely ask no one respond to this, I merely need a release.)

Jovial if you see this I have only one thing to say
It's only selfish to not love yourself first.

[sillyboy86]

He's gone another time... :-(