i would never date a man with kids

[philsguy95]

A man who puts the needs of his child and the duties of fatherhood ahead of a love interest is admirable, and I find this man or any man like him of strong morals and character. That being said, I have a hard time opening up and trusting people, so if that became a regular thing and the time and energy needed for me to feel safe was often placed somewhere else, I'd get frustrated. I would be understanding of the situation of course, but I couldn't handle it. I wouldn't want to date a man with a kid/children either, but I'd hesitate to generalize every home where the parents are no longer together as "broken homes." Some families, like the one my friend comes from, handle that situation beautifully and maintain a strong sense of unity for the kids, and they feel equal love and respect for both parents.

[Woollyhats]

Kids are good at being happy. There still missing out on something.

Okay, so I'm sorry that you probably feel attacked in this thread, and I would normally stay out of it.

But this line is incredible. It's one of the biggest misconceptions about unhealthy relationships and family dynamics in general. The key issue here being, that staying together "for the kids" does not result in a healthy family. Relationships where the parents are unhealthy are just as unhealthy for the kids as if the parents split, and if the relationship is abusive, it's definitely more damaging.

There are a lot of people on this forum that come from abusive homes, split homes, and blended families. Myself, my parents split because one party was abusive and the other party was a hollowed out shell of a person, who recovered and returned years later with protective services and the police to get me out of an abusive situation, a mere month before I would have been adopted into another family.

I wouldn't have been happier if my family had stayed together --- but I'm certainly happy now. And no, I'm not 'missing anything'.

Sometimes kids are missing something, and what they're missing is a horrible nightmare, a family that should never have been, and being in that mess is unhealthy. And missing that, 'that' being a cliche family headed by a married couple in love, is normal -- kids always want to fit in, and be normal, but it's easier to teach a kid that it's okay to be different, than to teach a broken and shattered person to be happy.

I get that you don't want to date someone with kids. This is a personal choice, one I accept, and one that is okay to make. Those kids aren't your responsibility. They aren't. That's okay. That is completely and unequivocally okay. But you can't use your personal choice as a means to judge the family dynamics of other people.

You have no idea why some people split up, and that means you have no right to judge the morality involved in the breakdown of the families of other people, or to imply that the kids from such families are somehow broken because of this. Sometimes they are so much better off, and you would never know.

Do: Stick to your personal choice on not dating people with kids (or clarify that you are dating the other party, and not the children -- which is hit and miss on working).
Don't: Judge people and say that people with children shouldn't even enter the dating pool.

[Lilitu]

I don't think people who aren't happy with their partner should get back together just for the sake of a child.

A lot of parents sacrifice too much for their children; and their children can sense that. Children willnjust end up feeling guilty and obliged.

[Episcopalian94]

My mother's parents had been together until I was in my 6th year of school. My grandmother is a cunt. I love her but she is a cunt, and she treated my grandfather like shit.

After my grandfather left her, he told us he tried sticking it out for as long as he could for the sake of my mother and I. Apparently he was going to leave her when my mother left the house, but seeing how my mother got knocked up (And this world was blessed with my bittersweet presence) he chose to ride it out longer.

Let me tell you, when he said "I held out as long as I could for the kids." It was a slap in our face.
We weren't blind. We saw my grandmother mistreating him daily, to the point it became a hobby.

[sillyboy86]

It's a complicated topic, and I think every case is different from the others, some people grow up ok with only one parent (cause the other one is a piece of shit, cheater and gone with his lover etc.), some people the opposite, etc.

'That guy' (my crush) confessed to me that he has a child, but hey, he's gay, not bisex for sure, but when he was in his home-country he had to hidden his sexuality even to himself, he did unprotected sex with his girlfriend, they were so young etc (actually he's in London since some years, and he's younger than me...).
Knowing him, I though that is ok, his kid is not so lucky, but maybe is better than having a dad like 'that guy'.

Some people is not do to be a parent, some people is good to be free, or a little slut, or to be into them career etc, but they have kids, and they ruin many things.
Actually I want a kid, but at the same time I know his life would be so shitty, so in the end, I don't want a kid.

[MisterTinkles]

And there lies the problem. Your viewpoint is not the only one out there. Stop treating it like it is the final truth. Mine isn't either, so I can agree with your view that you don't feel that anything here was an affront to anyone. Others do feel like this thread was highly insulting, though. Consider that before stating that there was no offense within the message of this thread. It may be his personal musings, but he chose to make them public for the rest of us to take in.

/thread

I never said my view was the final truth.
Im just saying that he didnt mean anything insulting by what he said.
It may have come across that way, but it might be because of sentence structure, not malevolence.

On a slightly more OFF note...........

No matter what ANYBODY says, somebody, somewhere is going to take offense.
Even if you just say "Hello", somebody somewhere will "rip you a new one" for whatever reason.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I personally won't date a dude with kids because I don't want that responsibility of trying to raise it to have humanity. I'd be too terrified I would break the damn thing. Not enough superglue in the world to put a kid back together once you break it.

[Jovial]

Depends greatly on the situation. I myself have felt the affect of parental separation: yet this only served to make me want to work harder at providing for a family of my own.

I just wish I was in a better position to have one…

[MisterTinkles]

Depends greatly on the situation. I myself have felt the affect of parental separation: yet this only served to make me want to work harder at providing for a family of my own.

I just wish I was in a better position to have one…

You "sound" better today!

[Counselor]

"He says his kids come first, no matter what."






"Too many kids from broken families already."










Footnote: Poster may be in the most amazing relationship with a father of two boys that call him their "Other Daddy", and may be doing everything in his power to maintain the fact that those boys deserve to know that they matter and that someone listens to them, I'd be more concerned with their knowing someone loves them, but stpdo2 says it every day. So...whatever. I'm buzzed (SURPRISE) and the amount of shit I give about your teenage egocentric viewpoint is competing with Right-wing fundamentalists.

GROW THE FUCK UP

You're like some sort of relationship Grinch: Everybody is just dandy with their shit when all you can do be all, I don't know, like, judge-y. Don't want anymore broken families? FUCKING DARE YOU TO FIX ONE.

PEACE.

*drops microphone*