My boyfriend told me he's bi

[Lolitalove]

I am a straight female who just got in a relationship with a bisexual male. I am very open minded about it but I have dated 2 men before him who turned out to be gay. He told me he used to have a male sex partner and did sexual favors for drugs. He is a former addict and this all took place about 4 years ago. He told me that he is now straight and isn't interested in males but I am skeptical because I feel like you can't change your sexual preference. How should I handle a relationship with a bisexual male? I am open to this and I want to make things work with him but I don't want to prevent him from being himself. Any advice on the subject is much appreciated.

[SilverBullet]

" I am open to this and I want to make things work with him but I don't want to prevent him from being himself."
That being the case then his sexual preferences are unimportant, but i can tell you what someone deems as attractive can change.

[Lolitalove]

Alright thank you! This is all new territory to me

[chaz]

Gay guys or born gay (like all orientations), so if your previous guys have turned out gay and were intimate with you, they too were bi not gay, unless they were teenagers going through the delights of puberty. Age could be an issue, because for many bisexual people, it can take time and experimentation before they realise what gender they feel most comfortable with. Being bi can cover a wide spectrum, for example 90% straight to 10% gay, visa versa, or anything inbetween. Not only that, but for some, it might be more physical with one gender and more emotional with the other. Maybe the key element in all this is does he love you equally as you love him? Bisexual folk can and do form loyal and lasting relationships, but like any relationship, you both need to have the same agenda and to both have mutual respect your your agreed differences. Follow your instinct.

[Lolitalove]

His experimentation was during puberty and we are such a new couple that it's really hard to tell what will become of it. I'm glad to hear it's not something I should worry about though. Thank you!

[Woollyhats]

I am a straight female who just got in a relationship with a bisexual male. I am very open minded about it but I have dated 2 men before him who turned out to be gay. He told me he used to have a male sex partner and did sexual favors for drugs. He is a former addict and this all took place about 4 years ago. He told me that he is now straight and isn't interested in males but I am skeptical because I feel like you can't change your sexual preference. How should I handle a relationship with a bisexual male? I am open to this and I want to make things work with him but I don't want to prevent him from being himself. Any advice on the subject is much appreciated.

Okay, firstly, if you have a relationship that includes touching/kissing/sex, you can basically be rest assured that he is in love with you (at least physically). Essentially the whole, "if you make him hard he probably likes you physically" deal, and that would mean he isn't gay, if you are worried about this.

Now, a lot of people will worry: "Won't my partner want to have experiences with [gender other than my own]?", and that's definitely true, in the same way that it is true that you may have sexual feelings towards a really hot guy that you briefly encounter. The desires are there, but the essential relationship is the same -- if you both desire monogamy it is up to each of you to remain faithful and to not cheat. This is the same in straight and gay relationships, and only changes if you have an 'open' relationship, which is relatively more uncommon.

If you want to support him, allow him to be himself. Recognize his sexuality when it comes up naturally, and support him. For example, if you're talking about a movie star you have a crush on, you could ask what he thinks, and if he seems uncomfortable don't push it --- but things like that will let him know you regard his sexuality casually, and just a part of himself. With my boyfriend, I tend bring it up casually when his sexuality is relevant, or I'm making a joke about something. Because really, I'm not "Dating a bisexual", but I'm dating a person, and there are so many things about the person I'm dating that make me want to date him, and bisexuality isn't even relevant to that list.

Note: It's possible he honestly isn't interested in males -- some people will have a biologic response to both genders. What I mean is, some people will be able to have sex with people of both genders, but when it comes to a relationship they would never ever date a person of one gender. Sometimes it's that they just want a gay or a straight partner for various reasons (some people that are bisexual find that the same sex understands them better, others feel that the opposite sex has more to offer or are afraid to be labelled gay). Sometimes, people will have sexual attraction to both genders, but like one more. Imagine someone that isn't your type, for example. You could probably have sex with that person in theory, but you wouldn't really enjoy it.

Because of things like this, if he adamantly refuses that he is anything other than straight, it may not be because he is lying to you. If it is important, I still recommend talking about it in a non-accusing manner (remember that being bisexual isn't a problem --- he hasn't done anything wrong, he hasn't cheated or tried to hurt you), especially if this is important to you.

I'm sure it will go well though -- it seems that he is very aware of your worry that he still likes men and would be unfaithful to you for one. You can let him know that you don't mind if he notices other people (or other genders in this case) are attractive, as long as he's faithful to you .

[Bowyn Aerrow]

He told me he used to have a male sex partner and did sexual favors for drugs.

That isn't the same thing as being in a loving relationship.

I gather if given his option, he would prefer to be with a woman over a man. Fpr such things as love.

As for any problems that his being bi may present, there are none.

If you are worried about a need for sex with men, then I need to assure you that if he was straight that you would have to worry about his need for sex with other women.

Would you worry about a need for sex with other people if he was straight? I assume that you both are in a monogamous relationship. It is no different, he has given up on the option of random sex with people - straight or bi he has the same 'struggle' that everyone else has when it comes to maintaining monogamy.

[Rainbowmum]

Sweetheart if you love him love the man he is right now.
I know a lot of bi couples being bi does not mean he is going to cheat on you.

Believe it or not they can function perfectly well in the relationship and can love their partner with all they have ,it makes no difference if its with a male or female.
He obviously thinks very highly of you to share his past and admit his sexuality.

We are all here for you.

[Rainbowmum]

Sweetheart if you love him love the man he is right now.
I know a lot of bi couples being bi does not mean he is going to cheat on you.

Believe it or not they can function perfectly well in the relationship and can love their partner with all they have ,it makes no difference if its with a male or female.
He obviously thinks very highly of you to share his past and admit his sexuality.

We are all here for you.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

^^^^ ^^^

We elves have been missing you Mum!