01-19-2014, 07:55 PM
I guess I'll share my 'accepting myself' story too, as the depression I experienced as an adolescence and teenager was exponentially greater because of my homosexuality; more specifically that it was implied, and later outright states to me that homosexuality was the greatest of all evils all my life.
What changed my opinion was very simple. There was a time when I woke up, and I felt like I was bad. I didn't know why -- I was sheltered from what a gay person was well until early highschool, but I knew I was. Like, when I was suspended for beating someone up once, it was 'bad'. But there was a time when just by existing I was in like a nuclear bad, and my life from the moment I woke up to the moment I fell asleep was just a constant waiting for everything to fall apart, it was horrible, and crippling.
Eventually, someone saw that I was struggling, and offered an out for me. He may not even know that he drastically changed my life, that everything I became I owe to this one possibly insignificant moment, but it is real to me all the same. It was like a get out of jail free card, and it made me bolder. Eventually, I found online sources on homosexuality, like the Facebook page "Wipeout Homophobia", and I saw that life isn't black and white, and homosexuality is neither wrong nor right, but the belief that it's wrong is inherently an opinion (that doesn't make sense), and I began to realize I disagreed that it was wrong -- why should I believe that existing makes me evil, when the explanation for why doesn't even make sense?
I realized that individuals in countries all over the world were dying from homophobia - through homophobia fueled violence, suicide, that there are even children whose parents murder them if they're suspected of homosexuality. I learned that the term "in the closet" has a literal context historically, that people even in my community in my granparents generation would lock their gay children in the attic or celler. I realized that behaviour like this is what is wrong, behaviour like this will always be wrong.. But to be homosexual was neutral.
Still, realizing all of this made me furious, and for awhile I was bitterly angry with the world. I became an atheist for a brief time, before meeting a religious sister who was so brilliant that she erased my hatred for religion, and reduced me to being agnostic -- and it felt good inside to realize that I wasn't evil, and to realize that I could let go of the hate and anger I had inside of me.
After that I realized that helping others is important, so I joined groups at my school that were involved in social justice and making a safe environment for all, and I realized I could be a part of the bigger picture, one of the people that helped someone like myself.
So I guess I just found myself, and it helped me more than I can describe. Having a purpose and realizing that I could accept myself even if no one else did, that changed everything for me.
What changed my opinion was very simple. There was a time when I woke up, and I felt like I was bad. I didn't know why -- I was sheltered from what a gay person was well until early highschool, but I knew I was. Like, when I was suspended for beating someone up once, it was 'bad'. But there was a time when just by existing I was in like a nuclear bad, and my life from the moment I woke up to the moment I fell asleep was just a constant waiting for everything to fall apart, it was horrible, and crippling.
Eventually, someone saw that I was struggling, and offered an out for me. He may not even know that he drastically changed my life, that everything I became I owe to this one possibly insignificant moment, but it is real to me all the same. It was like a get out of jail free card, and it made me bolder. Eventually, I found online sources on homosexuality, like the Facebook page "Wipeout Homophobia", and I saw that life isn't black and white, and homosexuality is neither wrong nor right, but the belief that it's wrong is inherently an opinion (that doesn't make sense), and I began to realize I disagreed that it was wrong -- why should I believe that existing makes me evil, when the explanation for why doesn't even make sense?
I realized that individuals in countries all over the world were dying from homophobia - through homophobia fueled violence, suicide, that there are even children whose parents murder them if they're suspected of homosexuality. I learned that the term "in the closet" has a literal context historically, that people even in my community in my granparents generation would lock their gay children in the attic or celler. I realized that behaviour like this is what is wrong, behaviour like this will always be wrong.. But to be homosexual was neutral.
Still, realizing all of this made me furious, and for awhile I was bitterly angry with the world. I became an atheist for a brief time, before meeting a religious sister who was so brilliant that she erased my hatred for religion, and reduced me to being agnostic -- and it felt good inside to realize that I wasn't evil, and to realize that I could let go of the hate and anger I had inside of me.
After that I realized that helping others is important, so I joined groups at my school that were involved in social justice and making a safe environment for all, and I realized I could be a part of the bigger picture, one of the people that helped someone like myself.
So I guess I just found myself, and it helped me more than I can describe. Having a purpose and realizing that I could accept myself even if no one else did, that changed everything for me.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
now I'm still working on it but making progress 