Best Friends with Straight Person

[philsguy95]

Hello all, I have a little debate that's cooking between me and a couple amigos. I've known my best friend, who is straight, for four years now. We met in high school freshman year because I was creeping on his hot brother (depressing I know), and then started talking more at lunch and in the gym class we had together after I got my schedule changed. After being casual, classroom buddies for a couple years, we started getting really close junior year, and since then have been like two peas in a pod, and it feels like we get closer all the time. Whenever I have something going on, he's there for me in a heartbeat and vice versa. We talk a ton about virtually anything and we never get bored of each other. Point is, the kid's the best dude I know and I'd take a bullet for him and I love him to death, but, in spite of a crush I had on him back when we were barely friends, I find myself literally incapable of feeling any romantic interest or attachment to him deeper than BFF-ship (although I am still admittedly attracted to him, which we often joke about).

In spite of their knowledge of this friendship, some of my friends refuse to believe that I can stay best friends with him for life, as we both plan to, and that at some point I'll fall in love, akin to how people say a man and a woman can never be "just friends." So, I was wondering, since there are so many people here with different life experiences, what all of you think...

Can a gay man/woman be lifelong friends with a straight person of the same gender whom they do find attractive and obviously connect with strongly? Can it be strictly platonic and nothing more is truly desired, or is it inevitable that all of that will crumble and the gay individual will fall head over heels?

P.S. Obviously based on the above I feel strongly about this, but I'm just wondering if life experiences have led any of you to feel differently than me.

[MikeIsNotPG]

I have a straight friend who looks up to me. I don't lust after him like he's a piece of ass, though I am attracted to him. We're just friends.

[Bluelight]

One of the best friends I've ever had was a straight male, and a former homophobe at that.

Of course it's possible for a gay guy and a straight guy to be best friends without it going any further. If anything, most of the support I've gotten after coming out has been from straight people, the gay people I met are all kind of catty and passive-agressive. Also, it's hard to have gay friends who are "just friends" because from my experience, a lot of the time one will have feelings for the other and the other isn't interested.

So yeah, I actually love having straight guy friends, there's much less tension.

[elad12]

I say yes, just like I have gay friends I would not try to have that kind of relationship with. For me there are guys who are available and those that are not because they may be straight, in a relationship, way too young, whatever. I know when someone is an option or not and if they're not we can still be friends, hell we can even flirt but for romance I want someone I know I can have a long lasting relationship with.

[Woollyhats]

People often develop a romantic partner and a best friend throughout their lives; your closest friends won't disappear when you fall in love, don't worry.

[747XL29]

My best friend is straight and while he does not know anything about that side of me I know simply from conversations over the years and his belief system that it would not matter. Getting ready to find out soon here. He is far more liberal than I will ever be, but more importantly puts his money where his mouth is.

Guess I will know soon.

[CellarDweller]

I've been friends with one straight friend since 1987. I have other straight friends who I've known since maybe 1994 or so.

[southbiochem]

you can be atracted to a number of straight men, this, would be out of your control.

Simply, at some point during the life one learns maybe the hard way to dismiss those feelings and separate them in order to actually interact with straight guys.


you have already proven it's possible, and that you can have a reasonable and close friendship with a straight guy...

so quite frankly, who gives a flying f*ck about some people thinking it's impossible

Not that I have friends or anything...but I have learn to let go of the times where I would inevitably fall for a straight guy

[747XL29]

so quite frankly, who gives a flying f*ck about some people thinking it's impossible

This, I never once thought about my pal in that way, just a damn good friend for decades.

[Chimpy]

I think you can be - but I would say from experience that when either you or he finds a partner, the friendship will grow more distant.

From what you say it sounds like you do have feelings for him though!