Being Gay is Confusing

[Anonymous]

I'm 22...almost 23...and I have no idea what it is to be gay (other than that I like the same sex and that's never going to change).

I know things happen for some people, willingly or not, but I missed all the signs in high school (and now that I think about it, I'm rather thankful I did), missed (most of) the signs at the start of my college career...but here I am, almost finished with college (about a year left) and I keep reading and hearing that your 20s is "ME-time". I find that a little difficult to stick with if I've never even had a short term relationship (much less a long term), or even more than one date with the same guy (I've been on twelve dates with twelve different guys, two long distance relationships that ended without ever meeting)...and all of this was from dating...erm...hook up...sites/apps. And I started dating at age 20. Okay 2, almost 3 years...and I've given up the dating sites/apps.

I'll be further honest here anonymously and say that I'm too afraid to do intimate/sexual things without the strings. I also think I'm clueless with relationships despite wanting to raise a family one day (much later in life).

But, to get back to my original train of thought...what does it mean to be gay?

Just a few thoughts here:

• Is he flirting or being nice? How do I know?
  
• Am I a unicorn for virginity and unsure of losing it?
  
• Am I attractive to other guys?
  
• Is it me or should I find another place to live?
  
• Is it just me or is he being a/an -insert pejorative here-?
  
• Is this a date or is this hanging out?
  
• Do I really belong on a dating/hookup site?
  

I should elaborate on the second one - should you lose your virginity because you feel like it or wait until you've been committed with someone for awhile? (That's if you didn't lose it to teenage desire).

Has anyone ever asked these questions to themselves?

Now that I think about it, who hasn't asked these questions to themselves?

[MisterTinkles]

Being "gay" means you are attracted to the same sex. THATS ALL IT MEANS.

You are a regular, plain, ordinary human otherwise. You have thoughts, feelings, abilities, emotions, wants, and needs just like all other humans on the planet. You bleed when cut, and you get sick when you catch a virus or cold.

Your attraction to whomever you choose is nobodys business but your own. To hell with them if they think otherwise.

[Woollyhats]

Mr. Tinkles is very wise, as most cats are, so make sure you read what he said.

In addition,

Being gay is confusing, at first. Some people kind of just instantly know they're gay and what it means. That doesn't seem to happen with most people. What does happen for most people is that they slowly realize they're gay, and they accept and adapt their world view accordingly. It's challenging, and for some people realizing their gay also makes them realize their whole life is going to change, and I fully believe that this means some people go through the 5 step grieving cycle before they reach self acceptance.

In light of that, everything you're feeling and the questions you have are normal, and you can answer them. Being gay isn't an exclusive club with a set of rules--- it's a part of WHO YOU ARE, and you need to OWN IT. That means you decide what to do with your sexuality, no one else.

Realistically, some people suck as human beings, and right now the gay (and bisexual and transgender) community is in a battle for equality that has been happening for several generations now, and in the recent generation we've won a lot of significant victories. Unfortunately, what this means for you is that some people are going to treat you differently. The bittersweet reality is that this is going to happen no matter what, so just go on with your life.

So yes, it's okay to be nervous about yourself, and your sexuality, especially given the world you've grown up in. But answer your questions anyway, and try new things. Your fears and questions will naturally solve themselves by addressing and pushing through with them. By the way, your first question should be a little bit selfish --- and you deserve that because you've lost a lot of time during your teenage years --- and it should be something like,

"What do I want to do with my life, and how am I going to try getting the life I want?". (And I hate to say it, but make it realistic, if you decide what you want out of life is to be straight you're letting your sexuality define you and not being realistic).

And like MisterTinkles said, that's really a human question, and not a gay question at all.

[Wade]

QUOTE: Has anyone ever asked these questions to themselves?

ANSWER: Nope, you're the first one. Congratulations.

Being gay ain't confusing. You know what's confusing? Having your father dress you up in your mother's best evening gown while she's away for "ladies' night" with her friends Lips and Fuzzy (who smells like tuna) and you say to your dad "I'm leaving for college tomorrow dad... please, just once, don't make me this time" and he's all like "sweet boy, susssssh" then he pushes play on the stereo and Don Henley's "End of the Innocence" plays for the millionth time in your life and the first two chords make you want hang yourself with dental floss and dad whispers in your ear "remember... if you tell your mother, I'll chop Mr. Woofington in little pieces and put him in your dinner" and you drop a tear and say "Mr. Woofington's got hit by a car six years ago" "Sussssh" He says. And as dad sits there in his plush green armchair, silhouetted from the desk lamp he has pointed in your face, for one last time you do the Macarena for him... slowly, and with grace, the way he likes it. And you say to yourself "I'm a man now... now... I am a man"

That's confusing. You're just gay.

[Woollyhats]

QUOTE: Has anyone ever asked these questions to themselves?

ANSWER: Nope, you're the first one. Congratulations.

Being gay ain't confusing. You know what's confusing? Having your father dress you up in your mother's best evening gown while she's away for "ladies' night" with her friends Lips and Fuzzy (who smells like tuna) and you say to your dad "I'm leaving for college tomorrow dad... please, just once, don't make me this time" and he's all like "sweet boy, susssssh" then he pushes play on the stereo and Don Henley's "End of the Innocence" plays for the millionth time in your life and the first two chords make you want hang yourself with dental floss and dad whispers in your ear "remember... if you tell your mother, I'll chop Mr. Woofington in little pieces and put him in your dinner" and you drop a tear and say "Mr. Woofington's got hit by a car six years ago" "Sussssh" He says. And as dad sits there in his plush green armchair, silhouetted from the desk lamp he has pointed in your face, for one last time you do the Macarena for him... slowly, and with grace, the way he likes it. And you say to yourself "I'm a man now... now... I am a man"

That's confusing. You're just gay.

...WHAT. THE. WHAT.

[Sylph]

QUOTE: Has anyone ever asked these questions to themselves?

ANSWER: Nope, you're the first one. Congratulations.

Being gay ain't confusing. You know what's confusing? Having your father dress you up in your mother's best evening gown while she's away for "ladies' night" with her friends Lips and Fuzzy (who smells like tuna) and you say to your dad "I'm leaving for college tomorrow dad... please, just once, don't make me this time" and he's all like "sweet boy, susssssh" then he pushes play on the stereo and Don Henley's "End of the Innocence" plays for the millionth time in your life and the first two chords make you want hang yourself with dental floss and dad whispers in your ear "remember... if you tell your mother, I'll chop Mr. Woofington in little pieces and put him in your dinner" and you drop a tear and say "Mr. Woofington's got hit by a car six years ago" "Sussssh" He says. And as dad sits there in his plush green armchair, silhouetted from the desk lamp he has pointed in your face, for one last time you do the Macarena for him... slowly, and with grace, the way he likes it. And you say to yourself "I'm a man now... now... I am a man"

That's confusing. You're just gay.

I... I...

What? :I My brain did collapse >,>

~

[COLOR="Blue"]I always thought being Gay was just liking other boys, and playing with dolls, which I found out later was only half true... I just liked playing with dolls >.>

So essentially I was just being myself lol.

It's not like straight people think about what it's like to be straight, I don't think >,>

* Burrp* *Scratches balls, armpits* "Woman, give me that damn pussy now" *Pass out on top of her* *Eat pizza* *Fall asleep watching football* *go bald*

Hey, you know Gays don't go bald ;P lol , but yeah, not every straight guy does that, and there sure are plenty gay guys who do.

Just be yourself hunni <3 [/COLOR]

[trywait]

woop wade! good one

QUOTE: Has anyone ever asked these questions to themselves?

ANSWER: Nope, you're the first one. Congratulations.

Being gay ain't confusing. You know what's confusing? Having your father dress you up in your mother's best evening gown while she's away for "ladies' night" with her friends Lips and Fuzzy (who smells like tuna) and you say to your dad "I'm leaving for college tomorrow dad... please, just once, don't make me this time" and he's all like "sweet boy, susssssh" then he pushes play on the stereo and Don Henley's "End of the Innocence" plays for the millionth time in your life and the first two chords make you want hang yourself with dental floss and dad whispers in your ear "remember... if you tell your mother, I'll chop Mr. Woofington in little pieces and put him in your dinner" and you drop a tear and say "Mr. Woofington's got hit by a car six years ago" "Sussssh" He says. And as dad sits there in his plush green armchair, silhouetted from the desk lamp he has pointed in your face, for one last time you do the Macarena for him... slowly, and with grace, the way he likes it. And you say to yourself "I'm a man now... now... I am a man"

That's confusing. You're just gay.

[Anonymous]

Well, a lot of you have rather made up my mind a little bit here. (With some humor too I'll add).

I guess I'm over-thinking this point in my life a little bit. And now that I think about it:

I don't really want anything. I have no true experience in anything regarding social interactions of an intimate nature, and I suppose one day that will change. But as I see it now, I'm actually a bit glad that I've yet to be in an actual honest relationship.

That's normal too, I guess.

Thanks guys.

[Joshular]

Mr. Tinkles is very wise, as most cats are, so make sure you read what he said.

My cat scratched me on my head today -.- He doesn't like being picked up very often.

[dfiant1]

Anon, I don't think you are all together over thinking things, over thinking is definitely an issue, but I would also like to say that to me it appears that you are looking for a 'label' for yourself, but there is no human that fits a label and hence fits nicely into a box.

You are a culmination of several life experiences of which there are currently about 7 billion different combinations of billions of differing experiences, so the chances of you being like anyone else is slim.

Live your life and define yourself by your own morals and standards, not societies and not other peoples morals and standards