How to make up with my boyfriend? I'm desperate.

[Anonymous]

So I'm gay and I've a boyfriend, we're together for 5 years. We're also living together. Right now we're having an argument that's going on for three weeks already and I don't know how to end it. This argument was my fault, I offended my boyfriend very much, I knowingly hurt him about things that are most painful to him. I know I'm a swine and scoundrel and I deserve his anger, however I know I was wrong, I've regretted it thousands of times already and asked him for forgiveness.

However he doesn't want to listen to me. He doesn't even want to speak to me. Every day he just does usual everyday stuff like I wouldn't be there at all and he would be alone. I've tried to talk with him, but I can talk as much as I want, he doesn't say a single word to me. The day we argued he took his blanket and pillow and started to sleep on the floor and he still hasn't came back to our bed. Every night I'm crying silently so that he wouldn't hear me. Although even if he did, he probably wouldn't care.

Is this the end of our relationship? I'm hurting. I love him very much and I don't want to lose him. Yes, I know, I was angry and I made a mistake and I now would do everything to turn the time back. I just don't know what else can I do? Offerings to talk doesn't work. What can I do so that he at least notices my presence?

[Evan88]

I'm really sorry to hear about that...

I don't really know what you said which offended him, but I suppose it's a big thing which made him react like that...

For me, there is very much hope for your relationship since you two are still living in one house.

Since he is still a bit upset, maybe do things that he likes... For 5 years that you have been with him, you probably know what makes him tick and what makes his heart melt. Do this for him, like for example he has a favorite food, cook or buy it for him... Tell him how much you value him & your relationship, and of course a sincere apology with a nice calm voice would be a big help. If he won't listen, just hug him and say sorry and that you didn't mean what you said...

Another thing I can think of is to write a letter... Leave it somewhere where he can see it

These kind of situations are really uncontrollable since the pace would depend on him cause he's the one who got offended... If it still doesn't work, maybe just wait for him to finally be okay but of course don't push him to talk to you if he really doesn't want to.. I know he will in time.. And i wish all the best for you..

[Anonymous]

It's his place we're living in. Of course, he wouldn't leave his own living place because of me. I should be the one who's leaving then, but he hasn't told me to move out so I'm still here.

He doesn't let me hug him, I forgot to mention. When I do, he just twists loose from me.

[CellarDweller]

wow, you must've said something extremely offensive to him.

All you can do is continue to apologize, ask what you can do to make it up, or move out.

[loserguy]

Hello,

There is nothing worse than living in an atmosphere. Nobody benefits.
Relationships and even proper friendships are about falling out and falling and so it goes on.

As regards what you might do, I would have a better idea if I knew his starsign and what exactly you did. Some people sulk in this scenario, others distance themselves, others forgive.
At the end of the day you cannot make up his mind for him. You have apologized - you cannot do anything more. However it may depend on what you did. Your post leads me to believe you didnt cheat so you were insensitive. That can be really hurtful sometimes and time heals it eventually.
There are several things you can do here.
1. You can give him space and let him think it through - very hard to do!
2. You could cook him a romantic meal and have scented candles all over the place with his favourite music. You could leave him little notes saying how much you love him.
3. You could invite friends over for a surprise party - at least it would get him talking. After that you could tell him how much he means to you and that you wish that you could make up as tomorrow might be too late as nobody knows what is around the corner. Tell him that you know you did wrong but it is eating you up inside to see him unhappy (don't mention how bad you feel inside) and you just didn't think before you spoke.
You know him better than we do and you know what you have done but to try everything means putting yourself in his shoes and finding out what he really likes and then doing the special loving things that a boyfriend who really loves his boyfriend does.

I hope this gives you some ideas?

[Dreamer]

You're already posting anonymously, so you might as well just tell us what you said that set him off.


It would give a better understanding of the situation, and give insight on whether or not you can recover and save your relationship.

[Anonymous]

Well, probably it won't make sense, because then I would have to tell all about his life, but basically he doesn't have very good life experience, his parents were two mean drunks who abused him through his childhood, he has spent few years in prison for a small theft. When he told it to me, he asked me to never remind him about his past. I promised I wouldn't and I did, I told him that he's a criminal and that he should've stayed in prison and that the alcohol from his parents has obviously dissolved his brains as well.

I've never regretted anything more than I regret this.

[SilverBullet]

Well, as cleche as it might sound, Id make him a cake . with iceing saying something along the lines of "Im soo sorry, and sometimes an idiot.".

and forget the one two punch do like a one through x punch (as many as it takes)
leave him something special every morning, some flowers, go early to a coffee shop and bring back a decorated latte, etc.. whatever he likes, you know better than we do!
Be evil if you must, IE u said he brought one blanket and a pillow? on a cold night turn the heat off! > then wait for him to stir and bring him a warm blanket! >


PS if hes a computer nerd put the following on his cake for super bonus points!

public class ILoveYou {
public static void main(String[] args) {
System.out.println("Please forgive me for being an idiot sometimes");
}
}

I would forgive you for murder after that....

[southbiochem]

wow.....

you messed up really bad....really really bad

in anger, I assume..

well, you attacked a part of him that saw him as a victim of others...not cool, not cool

I would say that if he hasn't kicked you out of the house than there is still a chance, but you need to back off and give time to time..

so he clearly doesn't want contact with you..leave him notes, maybe?

"forgive me, I love you"...

do not hold back the crying...as weird as it sounds, that is a way to let him know that you mean what you say qhen you tell him your sorry..

don't loose hope, leave him his space to cool down, it might take time, but if he doesn't kick you out, keep reminding him in subtle ways how sorry you are

[Bravo]

I know this is not for everyone, but I would move out.

I would pack my bags, wait for him to get home and then get my stuff together to move. I'd say my last apologies like "I'm sorry I acted that way, I said hurtful things I didn't mean to. I'm sorry I let you down, and I think you need some space to think about our relationship. Just please, keep in mind that I love you" (I even pictured myself saying those things hehe).

He needs some space to get his mind out of the argument you guys had. If he still wants to be with you and forgives you, he'll look for you. He knows you're sorry, but he needs some time away from you to get past all this.