hi guys, i,m a 48 year old gay guy and have been single and alone for the last 7 years, lost a testicle about then and my life has been very miserable since. just before christmas last year i met through a friend an 18 year old named Josh few days later he came round and we shared a few drinks, well since then our friendship has exploded to the point where he has now told me he is very much in love with me his love is very deep, very strong and getting deeper. yet he knows i,m gay but it does,t bother him in fact he wants a relationship with me but i,ve found out that he also has a girlfriend but this happened after we have together for 2 months. i,m now not sure what his intentions are, i know he loves me very much but now i,m wondering if his love is just a cover. but a few days ago he kissed me passionately and said he truly loved me. his girlfriend won,t be back till april. does anyone have any suggestions as to what to do now. we both love each other but i can,t help feeling that once this girl friend comes back it will be all over with me and my love. we have told each how we feel so i know for sure he really does love me. but i don,t know what to do now. i feel like something is driving us apart. any ideas please
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Hello and welcome. I've only just put a foot in the door here after having a few years off, so I don't know whether this message will be posted or get held up in a moderation queue.
I am very sorry to hear that your life has been miserable. I hope your health is otherwise okay now?
Hmm, straight guys wanting to explore the other side ... can be awkward. I have a situation at the moment with a "friendly" stalker and there are some days when one just doesn't want to deal with it. The issue for you is do you want to be this man's experiment? His passion for you is fuelled by a curiosity that is accompanying a realisation that he can have feelings for another man. I don't know how you feel about being his bit on the side until he can sort out his relationship with his girlfriend. Self-preservation is probably a priority for you, but a bit of attention, passion and excitement is completely understandable, not to mention flattering, given the last few years you describe.
I can't tell you what to do and if I did how much difference would it make anyway? I only know that I have been in a long-distance relationship for more than ten years and that my feelings for my man make it very easy to turn down my stalker's advances. I know what my priorities are and it makes these kinds of decisions easier to consider. On the other hand, you are not the one in an existing relationship.
I was working with a friend on Saturday who has some experience as a trained therapist. He was talking about the likelihood of my stalker projecting his feelings on to me. I don't yet understand the concept, but it sounds like something similar could be happening to you?
Very best wishes to you and take care of yourself and your heart. It sounds a bit fragile at the moment.
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Sorry to not be posting about this topic but
WELCOME BACK MASHLANDER!!!!!!!
(This is joshyboi if you remember me)
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Hey OceanRoller  to the forum.
What you perhaps have to ask yourself is whats in this for him?
I have no issues with the age difference between you, in fact if I was in your position I would be flattered by the attention of such a younger man. But for someone who is "straight" and has a girlfriend he is treading a strange path, especially as you've only known him a few months. And therein lies the potential issue which is why I think your right to be wary.
Few questions to ask yourself....
Does he know that you know he has a girlfriend?
Is he self supporting financially?
Has he talked about moving in with you?
Could he be bi?
Does he want to have his cake and eat it, and see your vulnerability as a way to achieve that at little risk to himself?
If the "girlfriend" is away for a few months, why not try and keep the emotional attachment in check, and just go with the flow and see how the relationship develops.
Its fairly unusual for 18 year olds to declare their love for anything, never mind another guy - although Im not saying its impossible. You have described something as driving you apart. Thats your intuition, and its good to keep that in mind.
In the meantime, tread carefully, slowly, and have fun. After everything you've been through in the past 7 years you deserve it 
Good Luck.
ObW
X
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You and I are pretty close to the same age, I'm 4 months behind you. So I know what it is like to be a single near 50 gay guy and how easy it would be to find such infatuation or love to be charming and make one feel good.
Fortunately for me I'm a bitter old queen, so I would seriously look at this situation with the time worn eyes of the cynic and I naturally see where all of this can readily go wrong, and when the GF finds out (they always find out) it will go wrong in a epic sort of way.
First issue: He is already in a relationship.
Women are funny, there doesn't have to be sex involved for them to go from lady to Hell-hath-no-fury-like-a-woman-scorned-angry. Emotional cheating is far worse to most gals than the sexual cheating. Do you honestly want to be the 'other woman' in this case?
When she finds out (they always find out) she will be devastated. On top of the cheating thing (emotional or otherwise) she will be haunted for the rest of her life with the knowledge that she turned a guy gay. Seriously this is a very common issue for straight gals who make the mistake of getting involved with a guy who is in the closet and he ends up turning around and coming out.
This situation bears the likelihood of being a 1-2 sucker punch to her. He may not be old enough to understand that, but you definitely are old enough and have been around long enough to know how people are hurt when they are cheated on.
Love: Seriously in a single month he has fallen madly, deeply in love with you? Surely nearing 50 you should have been toughened up enough in life - especially in the gay scene, to know that love rarely actually happens like that. Infatuation, sure, lust - nearly always - but real love is something that has to have a little time.
You know people wear masks - they present themselves as X when often enough they are actually Y. Have you let him in to what it feels like to be 48? Tired yet? Aches and pains? Did you stifle the moans in the morning when you got out of bed so as to not clue him in that you are feeling those 48 years of life?
Has he seen the real you? Have you seen the real him? It takes between 3-6 months for people to get really comfortable enough with each other to let those masks slip and show who they really are.
He most likely is madly and deeply in love with the idea of you that you present.
Is he gay, is he straight, is he bi - ? I don't know, he doesn't know, and that is a road of self discovery which I frankly don't want to take anyone on. I did the whole 'dating a straight guy' thing, it didn't end well. Every tale of one partner being in the closet the other being out never actually has a silver lining, there is resentment, frustration, anger, and the relationship either has the out guy outing the in guy, or they part company. Those rarer cases where the in guy comes out do fare better, but they are rarer than the other situations.
If you personally haven't been through this similar situation, they by all means do pull in the experiences and tales of others who have been. Honestly, does this sort of situation ever really work out well?
Yes I know, I'm a pessimist, a cynic, and I firmly believe that all situations will end badly. But pretty much every tale I have heard/witnessed or experienced in this sort of thing did not end well.
Perhaps your life experiences had more ponies and rainbows in it and such situations ended well for all? IDK....
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hi guys and thanks for replying, the strange thing is i do know about the girlfriend but he only met her at a party for one night then she left to go back north she is only 16. i,ve now asked him how he really feels and he told me that his feelings for have not changed nor will they i then brought the girlfriend into the mix and said what is going to happen to you when she finds out. he simply replied it,s either her or you and i would choose you. he has no problems saying how he feels and i know that he is very relaxed and comfortable round me but i,m still not sure of his real intentions
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Once again Bowyn "tells it like it is" with a ton of foresight. In my opinion, I agree with Bowyn 100%, but who knows, your "relationship" might be the "one in a million" like this that works out. Only you can know this, but just think hard about what you are doing and go forward with both eyes wide open.
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[SIZE="6"]No offense, but........
OMG!!!!!
REALLY?????
You are 48 years old and think an 18 year old KNOWS what real love is, much less what he really wants in life????????????????[/SIZE]
You are SO asking for problems you cant handle!!!!
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recently i posted about myself and the 18 year guy i met. as you,ve read from my post what occurred. well since then we have drifted apart but it was not from anything we had done. seems that certain people have put a spoke in things so he has backed off for a while. i know that my post may have caused a few upsets but i always was taught that when you love someone you stick with them no matter what. well he came over yesterday and we had a big talk about things. after 3 hours of talking i know now how and what he feels. the girlfriend is no longer an issue as she has dumped him i asked him point blank how he truly felt about me he reply was he was totally in love with me. i then asked was it infatuation or just lust. his reply has said otherwise. he is definitely in love with me and then he kissed for about 5 minutes. he became very passionate and we both had to stop ourselves from going further. i did read about a post that had a 19 year old guy getting married to a 63 year old guy if two people truly love each other should,t it be up to them what they decide to do with they lives. all i know is i,m very happy and so is he it is amazing the power of love. since we started our relationship my cancer has regressed and i,m now in remission and i owe it all to him he does know what and how he feels and i know that in time we,re going to have something very strong and powerful.
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is he gay or not???
