Ending up Alone

[Double007]

Hey there,

I've noticed a trend and it's really puzzling to me. I have always been alone. I have "friends", I mean I'm not completely invisible but social situations don't seem to work in my favor and it's frustrating. I 'll admit it, I was in my own world as a child and spent most of my teen years alone and I'm sure that's part of it. I really didn't make very many connections. I really don't have a best friend. I've been trying to get out and meet people and occasionally I do, but I always end up alone. I've texted some of the people I've been out with to go and hang out more but something always happens to where they can't, or people don't respond or plans fall through and I end up being alone. I'm not sure what the problem is with me or what the deal is but it's taking its toll on me. I have a good career and much to be grateful for but I'm starting to feel unmotivated to do simple things like cook, do work or even leave the house at times. I really hope this changes but I feel like I'm trapped in this forever. Looking back over the past, I've realized that I've spent too much time alone. I'm sorry to be such a downer but I just had to get it out. Does anyone have any advice?

[MisterTinkles]

You are not the only one. My sister was the "party girl" in the family, whereas I was always the "wallflower". Pretty much all alone in my life.

I would say try and join some kind of group or club. Like a book club, movie club, poetry club...something like that. You might also look into volunteering your time at some place.

Maybe even a part time job on the weekends or something. The good thing about weekend jobs, is that I have always gotten them at places I wanted to work at or get discounts from.

Do you like to bowl? Maybe join a bowling league?

[Justinintendo]

Meh, I'm the same way, I'm a very friendly person and a social butterfly, but I prefer my solitude, maybe that's why I'm so lonely. Even when I'm out with people I don't know and I'm having a good time, I'd just rather be at home relaxing, reading, or talking to people online. I work in customer service, so I have a charismatic personality and I'm good with people...I just prefer to be alone. Maybe someday I'll have enough and find a way to put myself out there and get into a community. But for now I'll enjoy the solitude.

[CellarDweller]

Do a Google search on activities you like, and add 'gay' in front of it, and put your location at the end.

like: gay rock climbing Denver. Gay hiking group Denver.

That's how I found the gay bowling league I'm on.

[Evan88]

I agree with mr tinks...

You are not alone on that matter as I know a lot of people like that as well...

And yes, join some clubs or organizations which interest you so you would meet like-minded people who would enjoy your company..

Sometimes all you need to do is to get out there and you will be surprised with the result

All the best sir

[loserguy]

If you choose to be alone that is fine but for the people who are alone and wish not to be consider this:

You need to interact more - go out, join clubs and just mix.
Sometimes subconsciously we can try too hard or give the impression that we are unhappy. Unfortunately these are 2 of the biggest turnoffs. Life isn't fair really because many times those who crave company are unhappy and people by their nature are attracted to happy, relaxed people. When they come across an unhappy person it makes them feel awkward and they tend to stay away. These are the people that need company and friendship more. The person who laughs and jokes is usually a far better proposition and the funny thing is that those people always seem to attract others.

So a start might be to try to be happy inside. If you can be happy and relaxed by yourself it is easier to relax and be happy with others.
Then get out there and enjoy life. Don't be specifically looking and put a price on yourself.
Something of value or someone of value is always an attraction.

I hope this helps?

[southbiochem]

Well, well, you are the Denver version of me....

what can I say...I was ostracized and then I was purposefully pushing people away, so I get what you say when you tell us your own responsibility regarding your situation..

I know I am to blame, partly, for where I am cause I could have done one or two things differently

so, how to change that?

Hey,let's star with what you do have: you have a career, a job, a household..

the hard part's over, you are an asset, you are stable...all of that are traits that can't go unnoticed to friends or even a potential BF

so, keep that in mind and go out there..

be with people, share with your friends until you feel uncomfortable...back down, retreat, get some rest from the "outside" and then go back again...

when you feel down and unmotivated..call friends and make plans..go out and breathe some air..mix that with doing thing you like on your own...take a walk to relax, whatever suits you..

when you realize you can offer a whole lot to a friendhip and a relationship, people will start noticing and will want to hang around you

[Justinintendo]

Unless you're like me and find it hard to find gays into video games, anime and the like...it seems to me that most of the friends I've met like that are also into Gaining...which is a turn off...

[Rainbowmum]

Everyone has made great suggestions, just remember you do have a best friend in your self.

[MisterTinkles]

Do a Google search on activities you like, and add 'gay' in front of it, and put your location at the end.

like: gay rock climbing Denver. Gay hiking group Denver.

That's how I found the gay bowling league I'm on.

Hmmmmm, gay rocks.

Thats a new one on me!!!

Of course, if its a cute rock, I probably wouldn't mind climbing it!!!!