Ending up Alone

[Double007]

Thank you so much. I was having a terrible night last night just thinking about life. I was extremely discouraged. I'm afraid this morning was not as good either but reading your comments even right now gives me hope. Yes, I do need to believe in myself, not try too hard, get out there, which I have and just relax. Thanks again everyone!

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Are you really lonely or are you feeling pressured by society to be extroverted?

I'm an introvert by nature. In my 20's I collected friends in order to feel better about myself. When I became a drug dealer to enhance my own habit, I was flattered by all of the new found friends I made. And as long as I had a supply I had many friends. Granted not the healthiest of friendships, but according to the rules of society I was downright extroverted, popular and better than so many other people.

Society places a lot of emphasis on 'friends' and being part of a large crowd, as such introverts tend to feel like they are 'less than' everyone else if they don't pursue making lots and lots of friends and being out there and part of the mix.

It wasn't until after I stopped dealing and using that I figured out that I didn't need many people in my life, and that I was actually happiest alone (not lonely, but alone).

Clearly you are particular about the people you hang with, or you would be collecting friends like a drug dealer does.... Perhaps you are in reality an introvert and need to come to terms with that, accept yourself for that and not allow society to pressure you into being something you are not?

[Double007]

I totally understand where you are coming from Bowyn. I can be introverted, especially when I don't know someone or a group of people or late hours of the day. I really enjoy conversations at work and am comfortable enough to crack jokes and make people laugh. So I am not the shy person.To answer your question, I do feel lonely. It has taken me almost 20 years to figure out that I am lonely. I think it's because I really have been alone all my life and I have never really known how or what to do to make friends.

I think it started as a young teen when I had a really good best friend that was kind of nerdy. Honestly, we were both pretty nerdy. When I got to middle school, I got teased by others, so I quit talking to him. So I tried to fit in with the "in" crowd, I couldn't so I ended up doing things alone and now its a habit. I know that there have been times when I just hurt like crazy and I didn't know why. Looking back after I have learned about myself, loneliness. I really never made friends because I didn't have the confidence to. I was always afraid of them discovering "who I really was" and then not liking me. So I have very few close friends. I have never been a person who has wanted a large crowd of friends. Don't get me wrong, that would be nice but I would be fine with a few close friends and someone to share my life with.

So as I reflect, I have to do more to exert myself, not to have a large group of friends, but because I need to overcome this hurdle, meet some friends to share experience and to have what I've always wanted, someone to be with. I want to have romantic relationships or meet the love of my life. If it means I have to go strike up a conversation with a group of guys at a night club, I guess that's what I have to do. They might exchange a few words and move on. If I have to try again at texting people again to go out, that's what i have to do. I feel like I've robbed myself from it long enough.

[72jay]

Reading through this I can certainly see signs of myself in it.. especially stuff like

I 'll admit it, I was in my own world as a child and spent most of my teen years alone and I'm sure that's part of it. I really didn't make very many connections. I really don't have a best friend.

or

I really have been alone all my life and I have never really known how or what to do to make friends.

I'm different in that I'm kinda shy and pretty much suck at social interaction stuff...plus its pretty much impossible to make and/or keep friends.
----
I do fully expect to be single/alone forever.
That said, I can't really say that I'm lonely..I really don't mind being single
(sure I daydream quite often about having a 'boyfriend'/someone to cuddle with and such, but in reality I know that won't/can't happen. I'm also ok with keeping those as just daydreams)