i don't know what to do

[hank]

I came out in march of 2012. Thinking things would get better and for the most part they have. But there is something I have never told anybody that I am scared to even speak of outside of the anonymity of the internet and I don't know why. I was 28 when I came out. There were dark times prior times where I would go weeks without more than about an hour or two of sleep. The sleep I did get was tormented by nightmares. I secretly drank, a lot...a lot! Now that I have no reason to hide my sexuality I don't know why I have to hide this. I don't know why I can't discuss with my closest friends my darkest days. I NEED to talk about it with somebody but I don't even know how.

I love all of my friends for this, it wasn't the slightest concern that I came out, friends I had since high school. But I just can't bring this up I don't want to be one of those guys that just talks all the time about my sexuality. How can it not be anything to them when at one point it was something that I considered taking my own life to avoid? how can I even say that? Others would kill for loving and accepting friends like that.

I thought things would be better but now I have this black cloud over my head. It's just stupid I am under a cloud because nobody freaked out? What the hell is wrong with me?

[marshlander]

These things happen. Have you spoken to your doctor about the possibility that you might be experiencing depression?

There are no rules to say you have to swing from the top of a flagpole in a pink tutu to celebrate your coming out. When things start to settle down you will find your own way of dealing with it.

[MikeIsNotPG]

That doesn't sound like the depression I had but there are other kinds. I'd talk to your doctor about it.

[loserguy]

Hi Hank.

Alcohol when used in the right way can be good as it loosens you up and helps the conversation flow. I'm talking about socially here. However if abused ie drinking alone or getting drunk all the time it is not good and in fact if you feel anyway down at all even one or two beers will make you feel 10 times worse. It will affect you sleeping and your thought process constantly.

My advice would be to quit drinking for a while and see how it goes. You should feel better eventually. Lack of sleep can also mean you are disturbed or upset by something. It isn't easy but if you feel you cannot speak to anyone face to face and this doesn't help, have you tried or considered counseling?

There are other things you can do to help yourself to feel happier. You could start going to a gym and exercising. That should help you with your sleep. Getting involved in your job and doing other things will also help keep your mind occupied and help prevent it from sinking into depression. Finally if you get out there and meet people and maybe find someone nice a lot of the problems you think you have will hopefully go away.

Good luck with it and I hope this gives you a few things to ponder over?

[ggugcuuau]

There is nothing worse than that feeling of having something you need to talk about but not being able to do it for whatever reasons. I would suggest choosing one of you closest friends, someone who can trust wholeheartedly. In advance, ask them if you could have a serious talk with them about something you need to just get off your chest . Assure them it's not about them and that you just need a trustworthy friend to vent on, so they don't get paranoid or worried. Let that person in on your thoughts and that dark cloud, hopefully you'll feel the weight lift as you do.

If you don't think you can do that with a friend then maybe talk with a counsellor about it and if you still feel trepid then it could be a depression.

Remember, friends are there to support us in times of need and that a problem shared is a problem halved!

[southbiochem]

Start little, pick the closest of your friends and go out, be in a comfortable environmet.

Thre is no need to throw out everything you have inside.

But, you need to let them know there are things about you you would like to share..

after the business of coming out I am sure that they have proven quite acceptant..

You have to be in a comfortable place first..take it slow and go for it

[hank]

These things happen. Have you spoken to your doctor about the possibility that you might be experiencing depression?

There are no rules to say you have to swing from the top of a flagpole in a pink tutu to celebrate your coming out. When things start to settle down you will find your own way of dealing with it.

Thanks, it just seems like it ha been long enough

[hank]

Hi Hank.

Alcohol when used in the right way can be good as it loosens you up and helps the conversation flow. I'm talking about socially here. However if abused ie drinking alone or getting drunk all the time it is not good and in fact if you feel anyway down at all even one or two beers will make you feel 10 times worse. It will affect you sleeping and your thought process constantly.

My advice would be to quit drinking for a while and see how it goes. You should feel better eventually. Lack of sleep can also mean you are disturbed or upset by something. It isn't easy but if you feel you cannot speak to anyone face to face and this doesn't help, have you tried or considered counseling?

There are other things you can do to help yourself to feel happier. You could start going to a gym and exercising. That should help you with your sleep. Getting involved in your job and doing other things will also help keep your mind occupied and help prevent it from sinking into depression. Finally if you get out there and meet people and maybe find someone nice a lot of the problems you think you have will hopefully go away.

Good luck with it and I hope this gives you a few things to ponder over?

First off thanks for your heartfelt response. I don't drink any more, I sleep well. That was all in the past. It's just that I wasn't as strong as I let on. Because there was this other party off me that I hid from everyone.

[partis]

Look to your future… one where you can be yourself and love the people you want to, thinking about the past doesnt achieve anything, i hope you start to feel better and im pleased your not drinking a lot anymore, that doesnt help things.

[loserguy]

I should have read your post again, sorry.
Well you've gone through the tunnel.

Things will get better, honestly