.....

[Eth21]

I don't usually like sharing these sort of things so bare with me.

So yesterday I met up with a friend yesterday with the idea of coming out to her. Since she has gay friends and has experimented herself she seemed like a logical choice to start. However despite all this I still couldn't say anything.. So now I'm feeling pretty stupid and useless as well as feeling completely alone. All of these seem to hit me this morning and I just feel like I've taken a huge step backwards and just wanna be like everyone else around me.

On top of all this I keep having recurring nightmares that someone is gonna find me on here and out me to everyone around me.

So as a result I think I'm gonna take a break from gay speak and hope these nightmares subside and perhaps find some perspective.

I might come back but would like to say thanks to everyone who's helped me out in the past and you are all really awesome!!!

[matty7]

hi mate....that's a normal reaction you had to giving someone the news that your gay....the build up just gets too much and you don't go through with it, don't get so down on yourself though

[southbiochem]

Eth21,

do as you feel right.

GS will always be here for you when you decide to come back

as for you, I know the feeling, no matter how good you think someome might react, there is still that fear, that irrational fear. It's OK, do it only if you feel comfortable. I would encourage you to go for it, to take that leap of faith so you won't feel so alone.

This fear is causing you those nightmares, obviously.

As for people finding out, you'll hardly be the only one to have that fear. I promise you that no one here is about to compromnise your privacy. And think about this: for people to find you here, they would already have to be suspicious of your sexuality, otherwise, why browse through a gay forum?

And if so, how can they relate this online person with the real you?

May this help you keep calmed.

You are a fine addition to the GS family. Sort out what you have to sort out and do come back when you feel it's OK.

We won't be going anywhere

[matty7]

I for one would be very sad if you left GS......(who's gonna have my back from Yorkshire now???) why not give it a few days and if you still feel like leaving then im sure everyone will support you and look forward to your return

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Your reaction is perfectly normal, and kudos to you for even putting yourself into a position where you almost did it. Its a huge step to take, and not one to be taken likely.

As others have said, its highly unlikely that anyone you know from home will be browsing the GS forum, unless of course they are LGBT friendly

The GS family are here if you need us. You don't need to delete your account, you can still read the posts, just don't post anything yourself, or if you do, just post anonymously.



ObW
X

[Woollyhats]

Eth, if you're afraid of someone finding you, just take down your picture. When you're vulnerable and need support, alienating yourself is a choice that has better alternatives.

It is very difficult for some people to come out. I was 'ready' for several years before I did, and I'm not so conceited to not think I'd still be 'in the closet' without the support of several friends and my boyfriend.

When I did come out, I set a deadline, and tried everyday. Hours of pacing, thinking, finally just said the words and after that there was no taking them back.

In the meantime, hopefully you stay with some people that understand

[Chris]

However despite all this I still couldn't say anything..

I might have a good idea for you. At the very beginnings of coming out I had similar problem so just found my own way to avoid it. Before a meeting, when I wanted to come out, I was texting a friend, saying that I had something very important to share. It was guaranteed that no one would let me go until I would confess everything. Sometimes it was even funny. One girlfriend took me for a few hours walk, trying to guess my secret. After many failures she asked:

- So you don’t like girls, do you?

I confirmed. Then she was like:

- Omg, so you like only me!- Trying to kiss me so I had to say immediately:

- No, I'm not into girls at all.

- So you're gay then! That's fine. I always wanted to have a gay friend, though! :biggrin:

[loserguy]

Please don't leave!

[CellarDweller]

Don't beat yourself up, Eth. Coming out is not easy, sometimes 'false starts' happen.

[Evan88]

We understand Eth....

Times like that really come and I hope you would be able to come back quick..
As a closeted guy, i am also quite paranoid at times that maybe some gay men I know would be a member here and open my profile...but, it's not on my mind all the time because I like the camaraderie here...

We all get through that kind of anxiety, but I hope things will be better for you sooner...

We are just here