Know or not to know

[Chris]

I was wondering about something and decided to share my thoughts with you. I have an impression that fear many gay people have regarding coming out or showing affections in public is caused by negative information they find in the media.

Until the age of twenty I didn’t really care about all those gay issues. I felt that my country is not perfect but rather open-minded while western countries were paradises. With my first boyfriend we were even kissing in public and more and when someone passed by my only feeling was anger that he disturbed us.

Once I organized a trip for me and my bf to Amsterdam. I typed in Google “gay Amsterdam” and I received some info about homophobic violence etc. I went there quite insecure but nothing wrong happened but from then on I started to read news.

After one year, feeling so overwhelmed by all information I was even scared to go out. I felt like everyone knew I was gay and wanted to assault me. It was two years ago. Now I’m doing much better, almost like in the beginning.

So do you feel the same that media show mainly negative information? If we would read only about new gay laws introduced or happy weedings, the world would be much brighter. Or maybe it's me to be too sensitive. Is it better not to know and live in illusion or maybe we already live in illusion and life around is not bad?

[writerbry]

I was wondering about something and decided to share my thoughts with you. I have an impression that fear many gay people have regarding coming out or showing affections in public is caused by negative information they find in the media.

Until the age of twenty I didn’t really care about all those gay issues. I felt that my country is not perfect but rather open-minded while western countries were paradises. With my first boyfriend we were even kissing in public and more and when someone passed by my only feeling was anger that he disturbed us.

Once I organized a trip for me and my bf to Amsterdam. I typed in Google “gay Amsterdam” and I received some info about homophobic violence etc. I went there quite insecure but nothing wrong happened but from then on I started to read news.

After one year, feeling so overwhelmed by all information I was even scared to go out. I felt like everyone knew I was gay and wanted to assault me. It was two years ago. Now I’m doing much better, almost like in the beginning.

So do you feel the same that media show mainly negative information? If we would read only about new gay laws introduced or happy weedings, the world would be much brighter. Or maybe it's me to be too sensitive. Is it better not to know and live in illusion or maybe we already live in illusion and life around is not bad?

I might be very biased because I'm a communications/journalism major in college, so take this from where it's coming from. But I think that with any news, whether it be gay or not, we do need to be informed so that we can be safe and know what's going on in the world. We can't just live in protective bubbles all our lives rejecting everything negative. We live in a cruel, unforgiving world with a lot of issues and news is just there to give us warnings and alerts.

Like if I see that there are a lot of gay bashings in a particular area on the news, I'll know to be very careful or avoid that area. It serves a purpose in the end. Like I'll admit, the media goes embellish things for strategic advertising and money making purposes, but at the end of the day media is an important part of modern society.

[sillyboy86]

It sounds absurd but I think that in some cases, this 'bad news' are a positive signal.
Like Amsterdam or Sweden etc, are some of the most open places in the entire world, so if something bad happens the media gives attention to these facts, cause the most of the people cares about it.

I'm Italian, I can say that Italian society is very 'unevolved' about this, but in these years I saw a big change. Not about politics people, they're true pieces of shit, but the normal people is becoming more tolerant about LGBT community, so recently the media started talking about gay guys bullied, homophoby etc.
If I think about 3 or 5 years ago (I mean, 3 or 5, I'm not talking of 20)... Nobody would be interested in a news about a gay guy bullied, cause hey, he's gay, so he's wrong. 3.5 years ago. Now this guy maybe here in Italy is wrong for some million of people, but is normal for others million.

To be honest, I think we have to say thank you to Barack Obama, cause his big power influenced the contemporary culture around many places in the world. About this cause, I mean.

You might think about Sochi 2014. If none cares about that... Like the Italian Prime Minister, he's going to go to the opening, and he represent the LEFT of Italy (gosh), not like Cameron who is on the RIGHT but he will not go...

[missourigaymer]

personally, the media has always showed the worst of the worst. They don't care much for 'fluff' pieces. They follow trends, and so they show us in an unpopular light. As for pda's, I perfer to express myself with my partner in private. I don't like people watching, I'm a very private person.

[Eth21]

I think the world might not have got into quite such a mess with the economy a few years back if the news didn't quite panic everyone as much over it all!! However I'd personally prefer to know what's going on in the world and I read the news every day.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

It bleeds it leads.

Honestly they discovered that DOOM FONT headlines sell more papers than headlines about non-doom.

I allow myself a dose of news once a week. Just once. I steer clear of newspapers, TV news, internet news as much as I can. I have PTSD and my last therapist strongly suggested I stop watching the News Channels because the news was really working my other issues.

Seems to me that news is working your already present social anxieties (everyone has social anxieties to one degree or another).

Ignorance is bliss... Of course you don't want to go around completely in the dark. So lower the dose of news you get, once every three days or once a week.

IF something important happens people will call you. People called me to tell me 9-11 was going down as it was going down.... So I am not totally out of the loop, nor will you be.

[MisterTinkles]

If haters are gonna hate, they are gonna find ANY reason to hate you. Does not matter if its because you are two guys, two women, have blond hair, have brunette hair, talk with an accent, or have no manners in public. They WILL find something to hate.

I was in my BF's car once, coming back from shopping. We were at a red light at a busy intersection. He was driving and I was eating some chocolate. He said he wanted a bite, so I leaned over and gave him a bite of chocolate.

After the light turned green, and we were in motion, he told me that he had looked in the rearview mirror after I let him have a bite, and this old woman was grabbing and shaking her husband while pointing to us.

I told him he should have told me that while the light was still red.......I would have REALLY given that old cunt a show!!!!!

He said, "thats why I didnt say anything".

He was such a pussy.

[Woollyhats]

I agree with the first few posts in that yes, the media promotes fear, but alsothe second in that yes, it's a good thing.

At one time, homosexuality was so taboo that lgbt issues weren't even in the media. Today it is, frequently. This is good. The media is also instrumental in exposing problems that LGBT face. It does, consequently, create a lot of fear. So I can understand the issue.

Personally, I had and still have deep roots of fear implanted from my family in my adolescence and teenage years. It was public support and positive stories in the media that slowly remedied that --- I still remember watching the Canadian house (politics) deliberate and pass gay marriage, without even knowing at the time how that decision was going to impact my life!! Gay rights organizations and activists reached out to show me I wasn't bad --- but in doing so, I also heard so many sad stories, and so many horror stories. They brought hope, and rational fear.

Today, if I see horror stories on my facebook or in the news, I tend not to click them. I've been sporadically following the situation in Russia for many years, but even then, I tend not to read or finish reading the worse stories, because they do leave me nervous and afraid.

I would recommend going out of your way to view several positive stories for every negative story you read, and to always read the positive ones last. OP is correct in that filling yourself with fear is not healthy.

But on the same token (and sort of what the second post makes me think of), I once saw an artist's rendition of a fearful looking boy peaking out of a closet door, and one of his legs was slowly stretching out of the door. Emblazoned on the leg was the caption "Public support". In this, I think the media is a good thing.

It is both good and bad; the choice to obsess over the bad stories is always our choice. I feel that if we make the choice to view positive stories and information, that even if we still allow ourselves to see reality and the fear it brings, we can still be well tempered and well rounded...