He Loves me But Do i love him?

[indianajones]

Hi guys
I has been after i guess 3 years i am posting here. I missed being here.

Well, I have been on an emotional roller-coaster in the last few months, and thought of sharing my story with you. You guys are pretty amazing and helpful and i am sure you will help me understand my issue more clearly.

Ok. I started talking to this guy almost 3 years back. We met through a dating site. In the first instance, he came off as a genuinely decent guy, and very mature, almost the sort of a guy i would love to date.

We started talking, not much, but on and off. We didn't meet for almost two years until last year in Oct, when we first decided to meet.

During this time, this guy got emotionally attached to me. Although i was also sort of being romantic for him, but wasn't too sure having not met him ever.

When i met him, he came off exactly as i had thought of him- very mature (mentally), decent, caring, & very pleasant to talk to. However, there was one thing that struck me, he wasn't really the type of a guy that i am sexually attracted to. Without sounding biased, i am attracted to more manly, dominating guys than the submissive ones.

In sex too, i realized that he was being more submissive. He is very caring, loves me dearly, wants me to commit to a relationship. But, I have doubts if i would be able to do justice to him.

As much as i like to spend time with him, respect his feelings for me, i am just not able to develop those feelings for him.

A month back, we sort of broke up after a short dating phase. After a week, we reconnected and started meeting and spending time with each other again.

I like this guy. He is probably the most caring, loving, genuine guy i have ever met in life. I can totally trust him when it comes to his feelings for me, but i am not sure if ii have those feelings for him or not.

When we had broken up, i used to miss him which was the reason we got back together. But now, after almost a month of reconnecting, we are back to the square one, trying to figure out if we are ready to Commit and take the relationship ahead or not. He wants me to commit, however I am not too sure about that. He loves me like crazy ad don't want to hurt him yet again.

I am in a dilemma, whether to move on, or just try to work it out with him. I like him, care for him, but don't think if i love him as yet. Shall i give this relationship a chance or am just boarding a sinking ship again?

[Woollyhats]

Without meaning to sound rude, if you are dating this guy because you 'don't want to hurt him', it will be worse in the long run than if you had just out right dumped him.

You need to decide if he is what you want, and if he isn't want you want, you can't just go back to him when you get lonely or bored. That's not fair to him, and it's giving him false hope.

He loves you and cares for you. These are important parts of a relationship. Unfortunately, if he simply isn't your type and you're not compatible, you're going to have to give that up completely, and stop stringing him along.

If the feelings aren't there, you're best searching for where your feelings are...

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Relationships are always about compromises.

However not actually loving a potential partner is a pretty big compromise that can only end in tears for one or the other person in the relationship.

Although you say you have been dating for 3 years, its been a long instance relationship until October 2013. Its now February 2014, and if after 4 months of seeing each other face to face, your still unsure then its not going to happen.

I would recommend that you both sit down and have a heart to heart discussion about what you each want out of the relationship. Love can't be one-sided, and there has to at least be a spark there to keep the relationship healthy. I think you could be smothered by him, and end up resenting him if you enter into a committed relationship.

A lot to think about, but you need to think about YOU and not just his feelings in all this.

Good Luck.

ObW
X

[indianajones]

Without meaning to sound rude, if you are dating this guy because you 'don't want to hurt him', it will be worse in the long run than if you had just out right dumped him.

You need to decide if he is what you want, and if he isn't want you want, you can't just go back to him when you get lonely or bored. That's not fair to him, and it's giving him false hope.

He loves you and cares for you. These are important parts of a relationship. Unfortunately, if he simply isn't your type and you're not compatible, you're going to have to give that up completely, and stop stringing him along.

If the feelings aren't there, you're best searching for where your feelings are...

Thanks for the advice. I have now finally conveyed my doubts and concerns to him in a very honest manner. He sort of threw up on me, but i was okay as i knew that it was for the better. I have no regrets now as what i did was in the best of his interests. He was obviously hurt, but i am sure, would be okay eventually.

[indianajones]

Relationships are always about compromises.

However not actually loving a potential partner is a pretty big compromise that can only end in tears for one or the other person in the relationship.

Although you say you have been dating for 3 years, its been a long instance relationship until October 2013. Its now February 2014, and if after 4 months of seeing each other face to face, your still unsure then its not going to happen.

I would recommend that you both sit down and have a heart to heart discussion about what you each want out of the relationship. Love can't be one-sided, and there has to at least be a spark there to keep the relationship healthy. I think you could be smothered by him, and end up resenting him if you enter into a committed relationship.

A lot to think about, but you need to think about YOU and not just his feelings in all this.

Good Luck.

ObW
X

I had a talk with him today in which I conveyed all my doubts, feelings to him explicitly. He seemed to a little surprised and apparently disappointed, but i am sure, will be okay eventually. We are now separated. Well, if you ask me, we were never together in the real sense. It was a pure one-sided love. I tried to feel love for him, but unfortunately couldn't. What i have realized now, the hard way, is that you can't force yourself to love someone as much as you understand or respect his feelings.

[Counselor]

Without meaning to sound rude, if you are dating this guy because you 'don't want to hurt him', it will be worse in the long run than if you had just out right dumped him.

:ALL the applause:

I've made this mistake, and watched the damage it caused later, and would not recommend.

[southbiochem]

You are not sure, you haven't been sure of this since the beggining..

if this wonderful guy cannot take you out of that insecurity and doubt then you'll do no good dtaying with him out of pity.

Shame on him, getting attached to someone online, without meeting is NEVER a good idea

Shame on you, although I understand why you hesitate and that you are not trying to be mean or anything, but you are leading him on.

Seems sad that you don't clique with the guy over physical/behavioral preference, but it happens, and it's ultimately your choice who you date. You know what you like and what you don't like.

If whatever you feel about him after knowing him is not enough to overcome what you don't like about him then sit him down and have a talk.

Better now before greater damage is done