I'm very, very jealous of my dog

[Anonymous]

Well, actually it's my boyfriend's dog. It was my gift to him. We're together for a year and we're living together. He loves animals very much and when he was a child, his parents didn't let him have any pets. I like animals too, however I never wanted any pets, they seemed like a too much responsibility for me. But I really wanted to gladden my boyfriend, so when his birthday came, I decided to surprise him and I got him a puppy. I thought that probably I could put up with it for him and having a pet couldn't really be that much of a trouble. Of course, my boyfriend was very happy, he wasn't expecting to receive something like this.

The problem is that this dog obviously has become the most important thing for my boyfriend, even more important than me. He treats it like a child. He never lets it out of his hands. Wherever he goes, he has the dog with him. He even lets this dog sleep in our bed, although I told him I'm not okay with it. I don't want fur and slobber in the place where I sleep. The dog has its own place to sleep - a pet bed. It also chewed most of my socks and my boyfriend's reaction to this was "well, these are just socks, you can buy new ones". He "scolded" the dog by saying "you shouldn't have eaten dad's socks, it was not a nice thing to do".

Also I've to mention that we haven't made love for a month. Once we had a chance to make love, when he came to me and apologized for not paying much attention to me and we started to kiss and undress when suddenly the dog came into the room. My boyfriend didn't want to make love anymore, he said we couldn't do it in front of the puppy, as he's so little it might be an emotional trauma for him. When I offered to get the dog out of the room and close the door, my boyfriend said that the puppy needs him and we can't be so selfish. He got up, took the dog and went to the other room where he quietly sang lullabies to the dog. Needless to say, he didn't come back to me.

I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm an empty place for my boyfriend. Sometimes it feels like I could die next to him and he wouldn't notice. I would have never bought him a pet if I had known he'll react like this. I just wanted to fulfill his childhood dream, that's all. Yes, I expected that he'll spend time with his pup, but I didn't think he'll forget about my existence. I'm still here and I need some love and attention as well. When I remind him that I'm his boyfriend and it's just an animal, he then says I'm heartless because the puppy is so little and needs lots of care. Well, probably I'm heartless, as often I catch myself silently wishing for some car to run over that dog and end with it.

I just don't know. What would you do in my place? How should I act?

[Radbot42]

He hasn't forgotten your existance. Puppies do need a lot of attention. He might be a little over the top, but he might not know what he can and can't do with the pup

[Davis]

Maybe it is just for a while. He finally has something he wanted all along and he cares about the puppy deeply. He will realize that the puppy does not need human presence all the time.

[marshlander]

That's a gift with a sting in the tail! What a lovely thought from you, though. I'm sorry to hear that it is having a negative effect on your relationship. It sounds like you may have to ride this one out. Let's hope he comes round sooner than later.

[missourigaymer]

Ouch, that can certainly sting! I know what it's like to get overrun by an animal. My solution is not to ride it out, but to confront it. Let your bo know you need attention too. He can't simply ignore your needs in favor of the dogs. I would calmly and rationally discuss it with him, letting him know you understand his love for the puppy, but remind him of what you both need together. Hope it all works out well, good luck to you both!

[Weyr]

Sounds like a fairly normal way for someone to treat a new dog, especially a dog person. Puppies do take a lot of time and energy. It's a little much that it's cutting into the bed room- I've had sex infront if both my dogs and there was no sign of emotional scaring lol

[Bowyn Aerrow]

A little history of Human and Dog. Dog is the first animal that threw in allegiance with humanity. It happened so long ago no one knows how it happened, there are many cave paintings of man and dog working and living together:


[URL="https://www.google.com/search?q=cave+painting+of+man+and+dog&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=trX2UtOZJoi7oQTz6IHYCg&ved=0CCQQsAQ&biw=1680&bih=886"]
More examples found here: Dog and Man[/URL].

Dog and man joined forces way hella before man decided to plant farms, make beer and settle into permanent villages.

15,000 years ago there is evidence that Dog and Man were living together: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Origin_of_the_domestic_dog

This special relationship is unique to your species, I strongly suspect that Man and Dog forming pack/family units and working so close together and able to maintain this relationship for 15,000+ years has a lot to do with how man evolved to survive as a species - and that means what is called into play when a couple bring a new human baby into the world.

Puppy = Infant.
[URL="http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2008/06/080616-gay-brain.html"]
If gay men and straight woman do actually share the same style brain[/URL]... Then what you are up against is millions of years of nurturing instinct that has been activated because now he has a baby to nurture and take care of. He has become Mommy - you can't fuck with that and survive. Forget trying to deactivate it, forget rationalizing 'This is only a dog' because in his hind-brain this is his baby, and every shall be so.

Once the maternal instincts are activated they are NEVER deactivated. Fortunately for you maternal instincts are not always super active, in that in time, as the 'baby' becomes able to fend for itself more Mommy (Him) will go back to spending more time with Daddy (You).

Socks. You clearly have no idea what Dog means in your household, if you did then you would automatically put those things you do not want to have chewed up out of the puppy's reach. The fact that you left them where the puppy can reach them tells me you have terrible parenting skills and are on a very fast paced learning curve of what being the 'adult' in a 'parent/child' relationship is.

Furthermore, you both are on a learning curve of the differences between human and Dog, unfortunately like about 75% of human beings, you two will most likely anthropomorphize this dog to hell and back and continually keep on insisting that this dog becomes a human being. Meaning you are going to try to keep wall to wall white carpeting, scream at the dog when it has accidents, never learn to pick up and put away things you all don't want chewed, continually blame the dog for not learning your rules and living as you live because you actually believe Dog can be human.

Dog Bed - nice you all bought one, but the damage is already done, once an animal is allowed up on the bed its all over with. There is no going back. Now if you put the puppy in its own bed it will whine, cry and make all sorts of 'I'm afraid and alone' sounds which is going to get the best of your BF's mommy instincts each and every time.

Dog is a pack animal, and wild varieties tend to sleep in piles. This not only keeps them warm when it is cold, it also strengthens pack ties and meets the need of being a highly social creature.

Humans are also highly social creatures and both species responds positively to touch. The whole bonding process between babies and puppies to adult humans relies 90% on touch.

No Sex: That will eventually end, I would say in less than a year. The newness of having a baby will wear off and eventually he (the BF) will come to realize that he has 'needs' as well. No, don't expect him to ever get comfortable with having 'The Baby' watching you two 'do it'. In his hind brain this is his offspring, and a healthy parental respect for shielding the offspring from some things will ALWAYS be there.

This no sex thing would happen if you two had a human infant to deal with, but then it would last even longer and come with other issues.

I strongly suggest you bond with this baby now. How? Play with it, tend it, spend time with it in your lap - the physical bonding process may actually wake up the nurturing instinct inside of you as well. That is if you have one. Some people don't.

Also understand this is his very first dependent responsibility. This creature, this life is dependent on him, as such he is going to go over the top to insure its survival. Humans do it with their first baby, they also do it with their first dog, their first cat - whatever. If the creature is actually an infant (and puppies are infants) then all of the infant caring emotions that humans are capable of will be called into play.

I don't want fur and slobber in the place where I sleep.

Yes you do. There is about 15,000 years of social evolution inside of you somewhere which is screaming to bond with Dog. Humans love fur and slobber - clearly, or we wouldn't be so hard pressed to domesticate as many fur and slobbering critters as we do. Cats, dogs, mice, rats, monkeys, etc. etc. etc. humans have an affinity for their furred critters, other lactating species which come with fur. Even to the point where we will kill for those fur coats, in sort of a sick/twisted way to be with fur. Aside from its warmth, there is something about a soft fur coat that makes humans want to reach out and stroke it, pet it, caress it.

I strongly suggest that BOTH of you attend Dog obedience school NOW. Not one of those places where you drop dog off and come back a few hours later expecting the dog to have an education. One of those that both the human and the dog enroll and are trained to work effectively as a unit.

I also suggest that you and your partner actually spend time TOGETHER on the computer researching what Dog is and isn't and how to actively accommodate a dog in your lives.

Yes his unwillingness to not have sex in front of the baby because he worries about emotional trauma may be slightly over the top, however I think the main problem here is he only has an idealized notion of what Dog is about, and is making the mistake of anthropomorphizing the dog - meaning he is attributing too many human characteristics to the dog. But then who can blame him? Its not like he grew up around dogs, he most likely has a notion of Dog based on Lassie and other TV/Movie shows and a general 'positive' media/popularization of the relationship between man and dog.

And your 'its only a dog' attitude would be better if it was a two way street. You wouldn't be that jealous of the affection/attention the puppy is getting if you really emotionally understood 'this is just a dog'. You are reacting to the dog as if its a competing human male who seeks to steal your partner from you.....

[matty7]

as an animal lover working with the RSPCA etc ,,,work it out with your man ,, just don't take it out on the animal ..give it to a shelter if you cant stop been jealous , or re home the pet if you feel so challenged

[southbiochem]

Ok, when the animal interferes with love life, time to sit down the BF and talk about it..

it's a nice thing you did and this might sound like being the asshole, but an animal cannot have more attention from your BF than you...that's practically cheating..

[Anonymous]

Well yes, I probably have bad parenting skills, because I've never had any pets too, the only difference is that I never wanted them, not even as a kid. I also never had little brothers or sisters or anyone I should take care of, so I think it's logical I don't have parenting skills.

I regret very much giving this dog to him. Maybe I should have given him something smaller, like mouse or something. I just think this will eventually spoil our relationships. Yes, I can wait, but everything has its limits, including my patience. Why do I need a boyfriend who doesn't even pay attention to me.