I'm very, very jealous of my dog

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Why don't you do things together with the dog?

Long walks together, obedience training, that kind of stuff?

I do think your storing up trouble however by letting it into the bedroom, or more accurately the bed. Its not too late to put it in its bed in another part of the house, but as others have said, it may kick off as its gotten used to being around both of you 24x7

Its nothing to do with your parenting skills, this is about your bf over bonding with the dog, to the detriment of your relationship.

You need to sit him down (the bf, not the dog!) and have a heart to heart about this, and how your feeling, otherwise it will fester and only get worse.

Only you know how he would react to the ultimatum of its the dog or me, choose....

Good Luck,
ObW
X

[Woollyhats]

What kind of dog did you get?

My advice is to turn this into something that brings you closer to your boyfriend. Dogs are social animals, and thankfully, that means we can play with them. Depending on the breed, your dog may be as intelligent as a human child, which is impressive. You can work together teaching your dog simply tricks such as come here, lay down, and stay (these will be helpful for when the dog is doing something wrong, like eating socks!), take the dog for walks together, etc.

Do you have a kennel? When neither of you are home, your dog must be in the kennel to prevent destruction. Leave your kennel open all of the time (unless you aren't home), and eventually you will see your dog treating it as his personal bedroom. This may prevent your socks from being destroyed.

But on the topic of socks --- were they possibly on the floor? With a dog, you must keep your household clean of debries, or your dog will clean them for you.

The dog sleeping with you both is an issue, mostly because it's conflicting with your alone time. I would suggest a compromise, depending on the size of the dog, and that's having the kennel in your bedroom. That way, the dog is still in the same room as your boyfriend, and will hear your voices, but he's not getting in the way of anything. Oh, and dogs are NOT emotionally traumatized by sex... smarter breeds will likely know what you are doing, but they will also not care. Dogs do not affix the same rules as humans do to certain situations --- to a dog sex is not a big deal with many layers upon layers of emotions and rules. The worst that would happen is for the dog to watch you, which he might do because he's trying to figure out what's happening --- but no emotional scarring is taking place.

Also, your anger, specifically in regards to wanting the dog to go away/die is unrealistic. At the very worst, if that did happen, your boyfriend would be losing a loved one very traumatically, and this would alter him in ways you may not expect. In addition, if he sensed relief rather than genuine sadness from you, he might come to hate you. Plus, your dog loves you too. And even if it doesn't, feeding it a few times, and some attention will instantly put you at best friend status with many dogs. The worst dog I've encountered (one that attacked me for no reason and I had to ask to NOT be put down) came to like me more than most people, and all I did was sneak him some treats, took him for walks, and finally pet him. So I've no doubt bonding with the dog too is possible for you. It's possible that if you are the type of person that pushes a dog away when he asks for attention, that your dog likes you already (many dogs believe being pushed away is playing).

Even if you would not normally bond with a dog, seeing as you have a dog, you might as well become friends with it and use it to do some together activities with your boyfriend. As I said, dogs are social animals, and doing things together with it will make your dog happy, your boyfriend happy, and hopefully you happy - since you're doing something with your boyfriend again.

You also must realize your boyfriend is treating your dog like a child, because your dog very much is your child. A dog is a dependent and is capable of complex social interaction, due to dogs being pack animals evolutionary speaking. Because of this, many dog owners will treat a dog like a small child. Which is O.K.; but you've still got to train the dog and make sure he listens to you. Which is important if you don't want the dog peeing on your things.

So no, the dog is not competing or trying to compete in anyway with your boyfriend's affections. He is simply being cared for. To take this into another area --- have you ever discussed having children with your boyfriend? Children will be similar to a dog in the manner in which they take away from your time, together time, and affections, on a much greater scale. Similarly, they can bring you closer. But this is something of interest to note, for the future.

In summary,
-Consider a kennel for the bedroom, to compromise on the sleeping arrangements.
-Leave dog in kennel ONLY when you aren't home/sleeping. Will save your stuff.
-Have clean floors, or dog will clean them for you.
-Do together activities with dog, such as walks, tricks, fetch, swimming, the list is endless and will let you spend time with your boyfriend.
-Realize dog is similar to a child, especially in boyfriend's heart.
-As a direct result of the last point, stop hoping for the dog to die, and incorporate it into your life.

This is very much an issue that you can choose to respond to negatively or positively. With some creativity, you can use the dog to bring you closer to your boyfriend and see different parts of him you hadn't seen before. I hope you will choose this route, as it will make you happier, the dog will have a new friend, and your boyfriend will definitely sense that you're happier and be happier too.

[Anonymous]

It's a pug dog. I don't really know if it's a good breed, the shop assistant told me that pugs are quite good-tempered and friendly dogs, that's why I chose it.

I never considered the dog to be mine. I gave it to my boyfriend, it's his. If he wouldn't be such an animal lover, I would never get a pet. I like animals, but not in my home. However I thought that having not very big dog couldn't be much of a problem. It turned out to be very big problem. I'm sure the dog doesn't love me and I can say honestly - I don't love it either. It's very unpleasant to wake up in the morning from someone slobbering next to your cheek.

I don't think it's correct to treat a dog like a child. Sometimes I think that this dog will soon forget how to walk, because my boyfriend carries it all the time.

We don't have a kennel, but isn't it more for the dogs that live outside the house? We've a flat. I've never seen a dog owner who would have kennel in his flat.

Yes, we've talked about having children and luckily, our thoughts on this matter are the same - we don't want to have any children. Besides in the place where we live gay couples are not allowed to adopt anyway.

[Woollyhats]

Dogs are usually for the family.

Pugs are fairly small, and smaller dogs can tend to be one person dogs, or aggressive and yappy, but pugs are a bit of an exception. They're stupidly friendly if well socialized (which it is obviously, since the excessive attention it's getting is a bit a problem.).

Pugs unfortunately can be slobberers (not as bad as some other breeds though), and they have that really stupid look on their face all the time. Personally, I dislike small dogs, but can still recognize that pugs are friendly, and aren't quite as dumb as they look. In fact, to be blunt, pugs literally crave and feed on attention, and I'm fairly confident in realizing that he's most likely your boyfriend's shadow. Still, I imagine the pug likes you too as long as you haven't been too mean to it, but prefers your boyfriend because your boyfriend feeds it, gives it affection -- it probably thinks your boyfriend puts the sun in the sky every morning.

Dogs exist for a variety of purposes, to retrieve prey, guard homes, to kill vermin. More recently, dogs are used almost explicitly for companionship, which has worked because they are pack animals (with high energy dogs that are paired with bad trainers being an exception). So easy to handle dogs, such as pugs, who exist for companionship can be treated more like a child.

Kennels are for ALL dogs; some people even have them for their chihuahuas. If you use them right, they're fine. I suggested the kennel simply to keep the dog from eating your things when unsupervised, and to give you some alone cuddle time during the night.

The dog will be a part of your life for quite awhile, so I would get used to it. The good news is your boyfriend excitement over the dog will gradually fade, but likely he will always love and care for it if he can. Which is why I said you might as well find creative ways to use the dog to bring you together. For example, when your boyfriend brings it for walks (he should be), you can use this oppourtunity to talk with each other while doing some light excersize.

Another thing to consider is looking for some community day care kennels. I'm assuming this dog is NOT going on any future vacations with you; so make sure those are all dog free, and you have a place to put the dog if you spontaniously decide you're doing something with your boyfriend away from home for a few days. It is important to make sure special occassions are for you two explicitly.

[Anonymous]

Vacation? I think I can forget this word. We used to travel mostly in summers, but till the next summer our relationships will probably be so bad or maybe even we won't be together anymore.

I haven't been mean to the dog, I could never abuse an animal, no matter how annoying it might be. Mostly I just ignore it, I do what I have to do, as if it wouldn't be there at all.

Yes, of course, I realize that now I'll have to live with this thing that I've caused. However I won't put up with this forever. I can be patient, but I'm not a monk. I'll wait and see what happens but if this will continue, if he'll keep adore the dog and push me aside, unfortunately it'll be over.

[driftwood]

Some people are saying wait it out, others are saying learn to love it, but I have to go with the third camp. You need to confront him - let him know how this is affecting you. The problem with waiting it out is that it will only work if this is a short-lived infatuation with a childhood dream - maybe, but it sounds more like he's a dyed in the wool dog-lover. The problem with learning to love it is you clearly are not a dog-person. Try as you might, you will never learn to love a dog that slobbers.

Not wanting to make love in front of the puppy is over the top. A confrontation is in order, and you are desperately in need of a compromise.


and oh btw,
Even a lot of dog lovers hate the ones that slobber. I would advise anyone else who is thinking of getting a dog for someone they live with to do a little research on breeds, and get one that doesn't slobber. You might also consider getting one that doesn't shed.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Well yes, I probably have bad parenting skills, because I've never had any pets too, the only difference is that I never wanted them, not even as a kid. I also never had little brothers or sisters or anyone I should take care of, so I think it's logical I don't have parenting skills.

I regret very much giving this dog to him. Maybe I should have given him something smaller, like mouse or something. I just think this will eventually spoil our relationships. Yes, I can wait, but everything has its limits, including my patience. Why do I need a boyfriend who doesn't even pay attention to me.

That's sad....

[Weyr]

I never considered the dog to be mine. I gave it to my boyfriend, it's his.

Sorry dude but that's wrong, when YOU brought the dog home to your place, YOU invited it to live there. It's living creature it has wants and needs too, it's not a toy that you can put away he's involved with your life now.

It's a puppy you said so the waking you up in the morning thing will go away after a few months and if you really don't like it in the bed have a heart to heart with your boyfriend come come up with a compromise. My grandparents dog sleeps on a stool at the foot of The bed.

But really I you should try to get along with dog, play with him for 5 min, take him for a walk around the block with out your boyfriend, give him a treat or two, pet him once and a while, it will like you, Dogs are good judges of character- if your nice to them there nice to you, if you hold resentment and negative feelings for them they'll do the same.

[Anonymous]

Trying to get along with the dog is not as easy as it may seem. My boyfriend doesn't let me to take it to walks, even when I wanted to. He was like "I know you don't like him and I won't trust him to you, you may not bring him back". As tempting as this thought may seem to me, I wouldn't do it, of course.

My boyfriend is completely obsessed with this dog and is basically doing everything himself - walking, feeding, playing,etc. When I happened to swear in front of the dog, he told me to watch my language. As if this dog would understand something. When I try to play with the dog, my boyfriend is always next to me, always telling me to be careful like I could do something bad to the dog. He doesn't trust his "baby" to me, so then how can I possibly get along with it.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I don't know what to tell you.

What I would do is sit the partner down and say 'look, I have taken in rescue dogs in the past and never killed a single one.'....

But you don't have that experience, thus I have no idea what card you can pull out that gives you authority with the dog.

Got a vet? If not its time to get one and you BOTH go to the vet and tell the vet, "My partner ain't allowing me to spend time with the dog, I wonder if the dog is missing out on the bonding it needs with me and with socialization."

If the vet is worth his/her salt s/he will pretty much say that the dog will need to be socialized with other dogs and with other humans, or its going to be a monster when it grows up. And socialization starts at home, with every family member - which includes cats, dogs, mice, whatever pets and children you may have.

The dog MUST have quality time with everyone or it will go insane with playing favorites and crap.


Also, dog needs to know where it is in the hierarchy of the pack. I'm guessing its You, then your partner then the dog.... Partner wants to be mommy, then she falls under daddy in the pecking order.

Dogs need strong alpha pack leaders and know who the beta is. Unlike humans, dogs don't buy into equality, they know there are Doms and Subs and they work best when they are sub to a human being, instead of being the dom in the household.

I suggest you start reading up on how to raise dogs. Perhaps go to your local library and ask the reference desk about books to deal with such a problem. Yes there are books on it, and if you get a hard copy book you can thrust it at your partner and say 'And this expert says _____________ (fill in the blank)'.

You need authority, and that authority is only going to come in having hard knowledge about dogs and how to raise them, train them, socialize them, and treat them like a dog (not like a human).